Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Lazy F*** Husband(23 Posts)
Hey all, my H has never been motivated to help with household chores, we've been together 10 years but only lived together 4, partly I held off moving in as he is soooooooo lazy and whilst he lived at home he and his family never did any housework and it got to a point where their house was so rancid I refused to go anymore as my clothes always stunk when I came out! H eventually realised even he couldn't live as a slob to that degree and pressured me into moving in with him. I was very happy at my parents and my son was too, I wasn't overly interested in living together, partly because he's lazy and also pretty selfish you, but he did have some good points otherwise I'd have dumped him long ago! However after much emotional blackmail from him and threats to dump me if I didn't commit I agreed to live together. We bought a house on the proviso he did his share of housework and didn't sit on his ass watching sports tv all night. At first he didn't hold the bargain but eventually I just started binning all the stuff he left out of place or stuff that was his he just dumped and didn't move for weeks. He soon started to tidy up and help out, he even took on the washing and ironing as he worked less hours than me. Well everything costed along nicely until the rented house ( which was not rented when we moved in, it was owned) next door had 2 lots of nightmare scummy tenants, one a druggy and the other lot who had 3 kids and not a brain cell to look after them so social services and police there all the time! We decided we had to sell up, so we did, and moved back with my parents as they had room and we hadn't found a house to suit us. It's now 7 months since we moved in to my parents, since September I've been really unwell, 3 lots of medication and still trying yo carry on as normal. But my p** of a H now thinks he can go back to doing nothing at all again. To make it worse our teenage son sees him being an utter tosser and lazy so our son is now taking on the lazy traits. H comes in from work, sits on his ass having a coffee, sits on his ass on phone reading twitter and newspapers, ignores the need for dog to be fed or walked despite it dancing round his feet, he moves his ass to go to bog, hides in there til my parents need to go in, he then mooches into kitchen and watches me sweating, puffing and charging about trying to feed the dog, cook tea, empty the dryer, put a wash on and do the 4 tonnes of recycling that have accumulated in the day whilst he leans against the kitchen unit chatting with my parents (who have both only just cone in from work too) about us hard day!!!!!!! H thinks it a joke when I loose the plot and turn into a screaming banshee that threatens to bin his clothes and shoes if he doesn't move them. It's pathetic and he knows I can't blow my top to full degree and say what I'd really like to say as my parents are around. The B**** stands there literally smirking at me as I'm trying to hold it together and him keep saying 'chill, no ones died from the washing not being done or a coat on the sofa instead of hung up' I swear I do not know how I haven't smacked the smarmy arrogant w*** in his teeth yet. I'm literally working a 17 hour day and exhausted by it. I've just blown my top right now as the dog needed to go out, he completely ignored the dogs cries til I went mental, I've taken care of the dog all day since 7am (he's still only 7 months old) whilst he's laid in bed til 10am, I've been out with the dog, done poop patrol, got the child up, fed child, bathed dog, cleaned our rooms, cooked for 5 of us, put the washer on, emptied the dryer, done 3 lots of recycling and all he's done all day is take his car to the car wash and sit in his iPad drinking brews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've just come to bed to find his f**** electric razor and mirror strewn on my side of the bed....... not his side, my side!!!!!!!!!!! So I've thrown it across the bedroom in the hope it's broken. AIBU??????????? All I want is for him to help like he did, I'm sick to the teeth if keep telling him to stop being so f*** lazy.
Ditch the lazy git! Christ he would drive me barmy!! At the very least tell him to sod off back to his parents!
He's never going to change. Sounds horrendous. I'd ask him to leave the house.
By the way you don't have to use *s here - swearing is
However after much emotional blackmail from him and threats to dump me if I didn't commit I agreed to live together
Why? Just why? If someone threatens you or tries to blackmail you, that tells you all you need to know about how they see you. You should have run for the hills then.
Do it now. Better late than never.
He sounds awful and a terrible influence on your son. Personally I'd get rid pronto.
Chuck him out, tell him to go back live in a shit hole with his parents. He will soon change his mind again. Be clear, just say you can't live like this, he needs to go.
Send him back to fester at his own parents' house.
You should have backed away when the emotional blackmail started, but here you are, living and learning.
Tell him to shape up, or ship out, but make sure he knows that you mean it OP. There is no excuse for him being a slob, other than laziness. You don't have to live this way, tell him to start pulling his weight.
I have told him a few weeks go that I'll only take so much and if he carries on I will be sending back to his parents. He replied with 'well your parents don't seem to be bothered by it so unless they tell me I'm staying' I've even said they are too polite to say anything to him and he knows they are. I also work away between 6/8 weeks a year and when I come home he's done totally nothing, then lies and says he didn't have time as he had to work on, or a client needed him and then child needed something which distracted him and then he'll finally say he just forgot to do it, which is an utter lie, he just couldn't be assed! It was bad enough before we moved in with parents but now he has my mum looking after the child and dog whilst I'm in London and thinks she won't tell me. As we have the pup and our son is ASD we have a camera set up in front room so we can see everything is ok, however in December I worked away for 2 weeks and the whole of the first week I saw him every night from half 6 til after 10pm sat on the sofa on his phone. When I reminded him that I could see him on camera so saw him being a lazy bastard all week he said I was in the wrong spying on him and that he had moved but it must have been whilst I was not looking at the camera!!!!!!!!!!! As it turns out he'd also just gone and got himself a brand new iPhone and hidden it from me until I was in London when he got it out and spent all week playing on it. I appreciate the advice everyone, looks like it's time I throw all the wankers stuff out the windows and force him back to his rancid hole that he came from.
TBH it was emotional blackmail but I didn't twig at the time as it was put along the lines of 'just because you've been shit on by your previous partner well you can't push me away cos I'm not like him' ( previous partner left me & my DS when he was only 4 months and racked up debts after debts against my bought home) it didn't appear as EB at time as it was more said in that ' its hurtful you don't trust me or love me enough to commit to me just because of your ex so if that's how you feel there's no point in carrying on'
Your right I should have read the signs then! I think as he does love my DS and has been in his life and treated him like his own I have been too soft as I don't want my son to lose the man he calls and thinks of as his dad. But the fact my DS is starting to take on this lazyness is not a good thing for him, he actually says to me but Dad doesn't get his phone removed for not down no his jobs but you take mine when my rooms a meet and I've not done my homework! For a child with ASD life is unfair and confusing enough without watching a grown man being a slob and getting away with it. Thanks x
Tell him that you're not his carer, you're his DW, deserve respect, you won't be doing anything for him anymore and if he doesn't pull his weight, he'll have to move out of your parents house, until you find your new home together, if you do actually persue that route.
Get rid of the lazy fucker. You knew what he was like before you married/bought a house together!!!!
Why the bloody hell did you get a dog knowing no one else would help look after it and you worked away a lot?!
Getting rid of my lazy ex was the best thing I ever did. The resentment that builds up is so overwhelming. You have my sympathy. It made me lose all respect for him as it dawned on me that he obviously had bo respect for me. I am teaching my 5 year old that he can't pull every toy out and just leave it there because if he doesn't put them away it's left to me. If he can understand that, a grown man definitely can. He just doesn't care.
Nope I have no intention of house hunting in the near future, I just keep saying it's not the right time to up root our DS again right now as he's in year 10 doing his options. He's still unsettled from the move 7 months ago and with being ASD too its difficult enough for DS to cope with change. I'm working away again next week so returning to a complete shit hole again means I'll speak to my parents and say how I feel so they know to expect that I'm going to be asking him to leave. God I'm a bloody mug, I'm certainly sticking to celibacy and no live in relationships after this!
I've always had a dog, we've always had a dog as in the whole family, it's part of helping my sons ASD and our old dog had gone (rip) and with my mum working short hours 2-6pm it was a family decision including my parents so my mum can go walk about in the mornings instead of paying gym, but I can't expect my mum to watch the dog every morning and all weekend too, my H works 8.30-4.00 and is home before everyone so when we all agreed as a family to replace the other dog with a new dog H said he would let it out as soon as he comes home, DS is home by 4.25 so he can let dog out too but that's the issue, H is sat on arse and it's DS or me letting dog out. It's only H who finds it too difficult to turn the key to open back door to the garden.
Your so right I just look at him and I'm boiling with rage for his utter disrespect and arrogance regarding his lazy attitude. We married whilst he was pulling his weight and doing his bit, so to me 3 years of doing his bit and being a fair share partner had me convinced he'd put the laziness behind him. His work office (and he has NO cleaner, has to do it himself) is pristine, his car is immaculate, he's clean and always looks and smells nice so I just don't understand this lazy slobbishness in him. He even complains about his parents filthy shit hole and tries to not visit as he says it's disgusting so why the hell is he regressing????
He's not seeing consequences for his laziness so he had no motivation to stop. That laziness is in his DNA and he tried to keep up the cleaning, but has reverted to his true self.
You screaming isn't bothering him, but perhaps divorce and separation will do.
He is a lazy bully. Boot him out.
Dump him. If he won't go tell your poor parents that you want him out ( they'll be relieved) and that he won't go unless they tell him to so would they please do that.
Just kick him out. ASAP.
Talk to your parents.
Tell them you need to put on a united front.
All stand together and tell him to leave.
Make sure your parents are prepared to back you up.
You shouldn't need it but it will massively help you.
Good luck getting the useless shit gone.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now »
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.