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The dreaded L word - confused

(21 Posts)
JK1773 Sun 05-Feb-17 14:09:19

Last year I met a new BF. He's really lovely and it's all going well so far. We see each other once or twice a week. On NYE he had quite a lot to drink and just before he went to sleep he said 'I really love you'. I didn't acknowledge it as I think he thought I was asleep. It did make me smile though. This week we were talking and I told him I loved him, which I do. His response was 'it's too soon for that!' Great!! He's still being lovely and it hasn't really changed anything but now I feel a bit stupid. We've both been making a conscious effort not to rush things as we've both done that before in other relationships. I'm embarrassed now, should I just try to forget about it? I do feel a bit hurt to be honest but his behaviour hasn't changed at all and I do feel it's still going well, he's kind and thoughtful. I just feel like I've thrown a spanner in the works. What should I do? Anything?

Nomoreworkathome Sun 05-Feb-17 14:15:25

It was a bit of a crappy thing to say to you IMO. He perhaps could have perhaps worded it in a less humiliating way if that was how he felt. I dont think there is much you can do TBH. Carry on as before and see how things progress. At least he now knows how you feel. It is bloody hard knowing when to say that to someone so I can understand why you are feeling a bit raw.

Gingerbreadlass Sun 05-Feb-17 14:16:42

JK, please don't be disheartened or embarrassed. What's done is done. Just don't mention it again and continue to be just as you were with him before you said it.

He obviously feels that love for you in his heart (drinks and kids telling the truth and all that) but holds back telling you because he doesn't want to rush or burden the relationship.

Keep going out with him, have fun and be yourself.

f83mx Sun 05-Feb-17 14:17:31

How long have you been together?

ReggaeShark Sun 05-Feb-17 14:17:46

It doesn't take long to fall in love with someone. That response would be a game changer for me I'm afraid.

JK1773 Sun 05-Feb-17 14:19:06

It was crappy wasn't it. It took a lot for me to say that, I'm not really one for declaring feelings. Raw is exactly how I feel. He has said he wants to start seeing me more often. I just feel a bit hurt. And he's never hurt me before. I don't think he meant to either but ouch 😕

JK1773 Sun 05-Feb-17 14:19:49

Together only about 3 months

Gingerbreadlass Sun 05-Feb-17 14:21:59

I didn't want to pass judgement on your BF and I don't know how old he is but I don't think he meant to hurt you. I think he sounds young and a bit abrasive but not deliberately cruel.

If I were you I would carry on as before and try not to dwell on it. Evaluate the relationship on his general behaviour and attitude towards you, not on that one response when he was taken by surprise.

Gingerbreadlass Sun 05-Feb-17 14:23:10

3 months isn't a long time in my book but everyone feels different and you are entitled to your feelings. Don't dwell on it and enjoy the time you spend with him and see where it goes.

fernandotherplants Sun 05-Feb-17 14:23:37

He sounds lovely. Just enjoy what you have. Three months is very early days and I wouldn't have used the L word at that stage. If you spends quality time together and he treats you well the L word can wait.

MyheartbelongstoG Sun 05-Feb-17 14:23:51

My boyfriend told me when he was drunk too.

But a couple of days earlier he had text me to say he would live to hear three little words from me to which I replied which ones? Dinner is ready? Told him I loved him about a week after.

f83mx Sun 05-Feb-17 14:24:37

I know there's no time limit on these things but I don't think 3 months is too soon. I'd be hurt too - although he may have just blurted that response out - give him some time to reflect on it - but there's gotta be a point where a line is drawn, if he isn't falling in love with you then it might not happen.... xx

wizardinthegarden Sun 05-Feb-17 14:27:45

Similar happened to me. I was mortified. My now DH told me he didn't want to say words for the sake of it, that they should not be taken lightly. Maybe your bf is the same.

JK1773 Sun 05-Feb-17 14:28:19

I agree 3 months isn't long and if he hadnt already said it I never would have. Maybe I shouldn't dwell. Things are going really well generally, it's just a little knock. At least he knows and I'm not embarrassed by how I feel. I certainly shan't be rushing to say it again

Gallavich Sun 05-Feb-17 14:34:36

Did you tell him he said it when he was drunk?

fernandotherplants Sun 05-Feb-17 14:36:50

JK one crappy ex who I fell head over heels with in my early 20s replied to my "I think I'm falling in love with you" with:

"I never fall in love with anybody. I either like people or fancy them. Never both".

Stupidly I didn't run for the hills. He ended up really hurting me.

It was probably idiotic of me to declare my giddy feelings at the time but I kind of couldn't help myself I really truly had fallen for him in a massive way hmm. I have never felt like that about anyone else before or since (happily married now) it was like he had put a spell on me.

Anyway just saying that your bf's reply sounds genuine and fair. I don't hear see any alarm bells as he seems otherwise 'committed'.

JK1773 Sun 05-Feb-17 14:37:23

No I didn't mention it. I don't want to make a massive issue out of it, we're both in our 40s so not kids. TBH he's the one who texts more than me about missing me etc. I'm not really like that.

LauraMarling Sun 05-Feb-17 14:50:35

You told someone you love, that you love them.
It doesn't come at a certain time. When you love someone you love them?
You should say it whenever you feel it.

TheNaze73 Sun 05-Feb-17 15:21:21

I think I'd have run with that sort of declaration, so soon

Gingerbreadlass Sun 05-Feb-17 21:52:27

What Gallavich said isn't a bad idea. You could tell him that he said it first on NY Eve.

JK1773 Sun 05-Feb-17 21:59:20

I think I'm just going to leave it and not bring it up again. Our relationship is great at the moment and with hindsight I'm a bit miffed with myself. I certainly didn't want to put any pressure on him/us and I feel I have now.

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