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Accused my other half now feel awful

(71 Posts)
Happyfoodie50 Sun 05-Feb-17 12:43:22

Just wanted to advise anyone that is going to accuse their other half of anything..check the facts before jumping in.
Just been round my partners we both live round the corner and went round to cut his hair and he made me breakfast.We get on really well but he has a history of cheating on his wife so I can be abit on over alert knowing what he's capable of. He has a history of being over friendly with his female work colleagues and I have a suspicious mind as I have found texts with random colleagues that he doesn't mention.He has gone away with work but says he's on his own when he's actually been with a work colleague.I know it sounds like I'm abit controlling but I suppose I hate shady behaviour and like things in the open.I do trust him because he spends all spare time together.I stay over a few nights a week but have kids, dog so not always possible.
Anyhow saw a receipt for flowers on his table..he has never bought me flowers or his mum is allergic so immediately felt sick. I then said I felt ill and was going home, I didn't even wait to find out anything . Anyway he was suspicious and pushed me to find out what the matter was.. I then admitted I saw a receipt for flowers. He then told me he had bought them for a grave!! I feel so horrible . I apologised but he just turned and threw me out of the house. How can I come back from this faux pais??

Wellitwouldbenice Sun 05-Feb-17 12:44:43

My arse he did...

Ilovecaindingle Sun 05-Feb-17 12:45:21

Could it be a sick excuse tho?

MyheartbelongstoG Sun 05-Feb-17 12:45:30

You don't trust him op.

I'd let this one go for throwing you out.

user1481838270 Sun 05-Feb-17 12:48:02

He seems to have given you plenty of reasons not to trust him. How do you know it is a faux pas?

Thattimeofyearagain Sun 05-Feb-17 12:48:49

He's lying.
Once a cheat always a cheat.
Listen to your gut and don't let him gaslight you.

user1481838270 Sun 05-Feb-17 12:49:03

Meant to add:

I think you are well rid of him.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 05-Feb-17 12:49:53

If you can't trust him, it's never going to work.

ImperialBlether Sun 05-Feb-17 12:50:10

Whose grave?

AtrociousCircumstance Sun 05-Feb-17 12:52:04

For a grave? Bullshit.

Be grateful this is over.

Happyfoodie50 Sun 05-Feb-17 12:52:46

Thanks for replies. I know it could be an excuse but he did have a still born daughter 15 years ago so could be true. I feel like a psycho bunny - he called me that before when I found a flirty text with a married work colleague. He goes mad if I don't trust him.. gets angry and blames me for questioning his behaviour. If it was me I would be more understanding.

Teepish Sun 05-Feb-17 12:55:34

If he was always cheating on his wife he will invariably cheat on you.
Leave him to his dishonest, sly little life and walk away.

ImperialBlether Sun 05-Feb-17 12:56:30

If he uses his stillborn daughter's grave as an excuse, he's absolutely disgusting.

He's a liar and a cheat. Walk away and don't look back.

Teepish Sun 05-Feb-17 12:57:16

He called you a psycho bunny? Classic trait of a lying cheat. Deflects all his issues on to you.

areyoubeingserviced Sun 05-Feb-17 12:57:16

He's lying

scaredoffallout Sun 05-Feb-17 13:01:01

Why did he throw you out instead of actually talking to you?

bloodyteenagers Sun 05-Feb-17 13:02:45

Sounds like a lot of hard work for a relationship.
Maybe I have a fucked up view on healthy relationships. Always though they should have mutual trust. Respect. Not calling names. Not shouting down people for having an opinion.
Always thought that a relationship with the above was one to leave because it's not healthy

gamerchick Sun 05-Feb-17 13:03:20

Well either you're a complete and utter nightmare to be with or he's a lying arsehole.

Either way this relationship is doomed, cut your losses.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sun 05-Feb-17 13:03:38

* he has a history of cheating on his wife so I can be abit on over alert knowing what he's capable of. He has a history of being over friendly with his female work colleagues and I have a suspicious mind as I have found texts with random colleagues that he doesn't mention.He has gone away with work but says he's on his own when he's actually been with a work colleague

^ all that means he's a liar who talks bollocks to you.

Scarlettablue Sun 05-Feb-17 13:06:38

I trusted my former partner of 4 years even though I knew he had a history of cheating in both his marriages. My decision to trust him led me to overlook several red flags. I eventually caught him out. I tend to agree that a cheater will continue to cheat unless they have a strong desire to change and do some serious work on themselves. His reaction to your suspicions doesn't bode well.

AnyFucker Sun 05-Feb-17 13:06:56

He's a liar and you know it

Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise

GoldfishCrackers Sun 05-Feb-17 13:09:19

He's got a history of cheating. He's sent flirty texts. That's enough to bin him.

With his history in mind, you see a receipt for flowers and make the connection that most people would reasonably make. You don't challenge him, you try to make an excuse to go home. And he throws you out??

Just say he's had a magical transformation, he's a reformed character, and would never cheat on you. In that case, he should be ashamed of his past behaviour, realise the impact this has on your trust levels and understand your natural concerns. Not turn the focus round on you.

It stinks of deflecting the attention onto you so his shadiness isn't getting discussed.

If this is how he acts in this case, I'd be very surprised if he deals with conflict well in general. He sounds awful.

Serialweightwatcher Sun 05-Feb-17 13:12:14

You need to explain to him that it's hard to trust someone who has lied to you before and lied to his ex constantly - it's never going to be easy for you to be with him without wondering what ifs so maybe not a good thing to put yourself through to stay in a relationship with him ... tricky one flowers

BlueFolly Sun 05-Feb-17 13:13:37

You don't sound controlling at all, you sound justifiably suspicious.

Checkthisout Sun 05-Feb-17 13:15:16

Op, word of advice. If a man goes mad at you for finding things that would point at him cheating on you, leave him!

My ex did the same, he would literally go absolutely mental at me and try to throw me out......all because he didn't want the truth coming out

He was indeed cheating on me hmm

Sorry op but he's probably cheating on you too flowers

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