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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Help...

(3 Posts)
thereisnocheese Sat 04-Feb-17 20:39:30

I've had a totally shit few months and suffered a missed miscarriage, infections and a couple of minor operations and moving home twice and dealing with a renovation project. We do have a beautiful loving amazing 2.5 year old daughter who is a great joy but obviously limits the amount of recovery time I've had from the spells of ill health. I've been seeing a counsellor and it's really helpful and I've finally recognised that my mother's drinking has hugely affected me throughout my life. This has become truly apparent through becoming a mum myself and looking back on my own childhood and teenage years. Im in a complicated place in terms of the relationship right now as I'm not very sure how to move forward. My mother called me whilst I was at work the other day to tell me that she has bowel cancer. It was the middle of the day and she was pissed as a fart. I told her I was sorry and that she should pour her drink down the sink and go to sleep and I'd call her the next morning. I did call and had a chat about the practicalities and that she had people around her to support her (I live in a different country). I feel very drained by the whole thing I think to myself that I've been disloyal to her by exploring my experiences with the counsellor and feeling this horrible feeling of guilt about it. Not sure why I'm posting but it helps to write it all down. If anyone has any advice or pearls of wisdom to share I'd welcome them. This feels very complicated and confusing. Thanks x

RedastheRose Sat 04-Feb-17 21:00:30

I don't know what help anyone can give tbh. We all only have a certain amount we can give in terms of energy, emotion and time. It sounds to me that you are running low on all three. Try and be kind to yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to your counsellor about your relationship with your mother, that is exactly what she is there for, her recent diagnosis doesn't change your past experiences. By the sound of it your mother either can't or doesn't want to help herself. All you can do is offer advice, you can't force her to take it.

thereisnocheese Sat 04-Feb-17 21:16:36

Thank you. I know you are right. I'm struggling with this news really, as I've half been expecting another thing to happen as it's been quiet in terms of contact recently. Sad. But I need to accept what it is.

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