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Confronting his gambling

(16 Posts)
Longestlurkerintheworld Sat 04-Feb-17 20:18:29

Hello everyone smile

But of a back story, Iv been living with my partner for a while now and his daughter lives with us half of the week. We generally split bills etc between us as best we can and this has always been ok with us. Recently due to a change in my partners job circumstances he has been earning very little so I have been paying for the majority of things and this has left us behind on rent and struggling to make payments on debts we owe.
When I got with my partner he was very open about a gambling problem he has which resulted in him gambling a lot of money a few years previously but he claimed he gambled very little now and just purely for fun and not because he had a problem.
I'm not too proud to admit I did snoop on his online betting account when we first got together and made a note of how much money he had deposited on there to date, and I have occasionally checked it since to make sure anything he says he has added all adds up. So far so good. But he has no idea I check up on him.

When I got back from work today I noticed the betting site open on his laptop, amongst other tabs, and he quickly put his laptop away. So I had a look at his online betting account and it turns out he's added 30.00 pounds to there recently that I had no idea about.
Our rent s due Monday and we're struggling to get the money together as it is so even though £30 doesn't sound a lot if money, it's money we really need.

He's already borrowed close to £300 off of me to start up his small hobby business whilst he's not earning much.

I know I need to confront him but how? Should I have been snooping? sad

Thanks

Longestlurkerintheworld Sat 04-Feb-17 20:20:26

Sorry it's so long, and sorry for all the typos. I'm on my phone and im rubbish on here

Longestlurkerintheworld Sat 04-Feb-17 21:03:09

Anybody sad

ImperialBlether Sat 04-Feb-17 21:08:26

I think virtually everyone who gets involved with a gambler lives to regret it, I'm afraid.

The fact he downplayed his addiction was very worrying; it's not the sort of thing you can just do occasionally when you've had a big problem with it. Think of alcoholics - how many can go to just the odd glass of wine when they've spent years absolutely off their heads?

I would walk away. If you're at the point when £30 makes all the difference, a gambler is the last person you should be involved with as he'd take that and think he could make £300 out of it easily - just as he has done now.

ImperialBlether Sat 04-Feb-17 21:08:59

And I really doubt that your £300 went to his business, tbh.

sandragreen Sat 04-Feb-17 21:09:37

Agree with PP - I could not live like this.

Ilovecaindingle Sat 04-Feb-17 21:10:21

Confront him now before that account has more 00000on the end of it. . And you lose your home.

ChuckSnowballs Sat 04-Feb-17 21:12:10

Who needs a roof over their head anyway?

Being that you are supporting him and his daughter whilst she is there, you need to decide if this is a deal breaker or not.

Longestlurkerintheworld Sat 04-Feb-17 21:17:15

It is a deal breaker tbh but if I leave him im not sure what he'll do as he has no income really. If he get evicted from the rented house (it's in his name) what will happen with his daughter?
He had to go to court to get 50/50 shared access or what ever it's called with his ex.
I can't bear the thought of me walking away meaning he could lose out on seeing her sad

sandragreen Sat 04-Feb-17 21:21:07

Well it's his choice, it's not your responsibility is it?

He obviously couldn't care less about keeping a roof over her head. Addicts can be very manipulative and quite often, when you think you are helping you are just enabling them to continue in their addictive behaviour.

I do feel for you but I honestly think you should run, not walk away from this and don't look back. flowers

mysteriouscurle Sat 04-Feb-17 21:24:55

So he cant afford to pay his share of bills and youre subsidising him but he can afford £30 to gamble that you dont really have to spare. When was the last time you spent £30 on something frivolous? If you cant why can he?

Belle89 Sat 04-Feb-17 21:35:43

Lived with a gambler for 8years. Things get worse and when the truth comes out you'll realise how bad it really was and wonder why you allowed yourself to be put under so much pressure for so long. It doesn't all happen on one account online. chances are there are multiple accounts, apps, betting shops being used the list is endless

Berthatydfil Sat 04-Feb-17 21:50:20

If HE can't stop gambling or get advice or support and help to stop order to keep a home for HIS daughter , why do YOU feel it's your responsibility ???
Well he won't while you keep on taking responsibility for it and he won't until he absolutely has to.

Dontsayyouloveme Sat 04-Feb-17 23:00:29

Please please leave. I've been with a gambler for 9 years and Im done with it now... as far as I am aware it's reared its ugly head on and off about four times, four times too many. The lies and deceit means I'll never trust him again. I deserve better and so does our son so I've told him it's over. It really will not go away.... you need to leave.. trust me x

Longestlurkerintheworld Tue 07-Feb-17 20:00:28

Well I tried to catch him off guard a bit and asked him out right if he's been gambling any money which he's flatly denied.
He claims to have been given free spins or something by a betting site?
I don't have any hard evidence that he's lying though

unfortunateevents Tue 07-Feb-17 20:06:31

So where has the £30 gone if he's been getting free spins??? I agree with whoever said that having been an addict, he is not going to be able to just gamble occasionally "for fun". That's like the alcoholic having just one drink. I can't bear the thought of me walking away meaning he could lose out on seeing her - you have got nothing to answer for here, it is his decision to gamble away his limited funds and by doing so he is entirely responsible for whatever happens with regards to eviction, bills, not seeing his daughter etc.

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