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I have a really bad crush - and I'm 54!!

(4 Posts)
Jayne1234 Sat 04-Feb-17 17:45:10

I have been in a relationship for the last 10 years with a man that is nearly 20 years older than me (I am 54) that has morphed into a friendship. For the last 2 years we have not had a sexual relationship. This was a mutual decision, on his part because he is unable to perform due to health issues, and on my part because I no longer find him sexually attractive. We do still enjoy each other’s company.

About 6 months ago he introduced me to a friend of his who is single and we hit it off immediately. We have met about twice a month since in the local pub, always in mixed company. There has been some minor flirting by both of us but nothing has ever happened. He has often questioned me about my relationship and why we are together but has not made any move on me, although he does make a point of always standing very close and we usually end up talking to just each other rather than the wider group in the pub. We have had occasional email conversations but just on mundane things like how his family are etc and how work is going.

Just after Christmas I went abroad to the other side of the world for work for a month. He emailed to say I was working in a place he had always wanted to visit, and to cut a long story short booked a hotel nearby and we spent 10 days together. We had a great time, talked about all sorts of things and were very comfortable in each other’s company. There was a bit of hugging and hand holding along the way but nothing else, and he returned to his hotel every night without making any suggestions about staying with me. He did spend time telling me about all the women he had been out with over the years (he 10 years older than me) – at the moment his last relationship was over 2 years ago. When he left he did not make any suggestion about meeting up again, although he did send an email once he got back home saying that he had had a fantastic time.

I have now returned home, do not feel anything for my current relationship, and can’t stop thinking about this guy. So, does he fancy me? He flew half way round the world to see me. He did not make any move to take things to the next level (I would have said yes), other than when we said goodbye each night he kissed me on the lips. Was the talk of all his previous lovers done to try and make me jealous or make it clear that he is not interested? I don't want to ask him outright if he is interested in case I look really stupid. Is this just a bad crush on my part?

Help. I’m 54 not 14 but this is driving me crazy. I can’t talk to any of my girlfriends as nobody knows he came to visit me.

Bluntness100 Sat 04-Feb-17 17:48:34

If he didn't make a move in ten days it's either because he's a total gent and respects your relationship or maybe he himself is unable to perform.

I'd suspect the latter as if he respected your relationship he wouldn't be holding your hand and kissing you. So maybe he's just looking for a little romance.

BrownEyedLady Sat 04-Feb-17 18:00:42

Age isn't the issue here. Nor is whether he fancies you or not. You are not single. That's where your focus should be. Perhaps it is time to have a conversation with your husband about your relationship with him.

springydaffs Sat 04-Feb-17 19:38:11

Bit of a head fuck, no? He schlepps to the other side of the world to be with you - wtf?!? How about he comes clean instead of all this morse code relating.

He's seducing you, that's for certain. Of course you are head over heels with all that focused attention. You are vulnerable and he struck.

I'm not liking the sound of him tbh.

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