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Is he manipulating me?

(67 Posts)
elpaso Sat 04-Feb-17 14:56:51

This is a bit hard to describe, so please bear with me!

Been with my partner for three years, and whereas our relationship is mostly good, we've had a few problems and whenever I've attempted to discuss any of it with him, he MASSIVELY overreacts.

For example, he put a couple of photos up of me on the dreaded Facebook (nothing dodgy, just awful photos of me looking extremely tired and unwell when I had the flu), and then changed the settings so that I couldn't see them, but others could. I found out via a mutual friend, and asked him to delete them. He went ballistic, deleted every single photo of me off his profile, and asked me to delete every photo of mine that he has every taken off me.

Another example, I found out a couple of years ago that he'd been sexting another woman. When I asked him it, he got very angry, said there was nothing to discuss, and threatened to leave me as (in his words) I obviously didn't trust him.

There was an inccident when he kept going on and on us doing something in bed that I really didn't want to do. He eventually wore me down, we did it and halfway through I begged him to stop. He didn't. I was extremely upset the next day, he again became very angry, accused me of sulking, said that had simply got "carried away"and that maybe he should just not touch me at all, if I was going to react in such a way.

He's manipulating me isn't he? I feel like I can't broach any subject with him, because he just gets over the top angry, and twists it all around so I have end up feeling guilty. I feel like at times like this he enjoys playing mind games with me.

He is very loving, attentive and good company most of the time, which is why it makes it all the more confusing! Does he over react because he KNOWS he is the wrong?

Does anyone else have experience of this?

Ellisandra Sat 04-Feb-17 14:59:47

He knows, and he doesn't care.
Speak to Women's Aid.
You may even want to speak to Rape Crisis - he carried on having sex on you after you withdrew your consent. (not even true Consent in the first place given that he badgered you and wore you down...)

He's awful, you poor thing. He's out and out abusive, please - find some support flowers

That's made me so angry for you sad

BonnyScotland Sat 04-Feb-17 15:05:39

Yes elpaso he is very manipulating.. sorry

needmoregin Sat 04-Feb-17 15:11:55

I think you know what you have to do OP good luck .. no one should have to put up with that amount of BS

Olympiathequeen Sat 04-Feb-17 15:19:40

Get out and get out now. This type of manipulative behaviour is known as gaslighting and makes you doubt yourself and leaves you in a state of confusion.

Those are not normal loving reactions.

It will get worse.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 04-Feb-17 15:19:55

Manipulation is the tip of the iceberg of what he's doing to you.

Please leave him before he does anything else.

Thattimeofyearagain Sat 04-Feb-17 15:22:38

You are being abused op.

Bluntness100 Sat 04-Feb-17 15:22:59

Yeah, this is bad, I'm sorry. Who puts bad photos up so your wife can't see them but everyone else can? What's that to humiliate you? He's also lying about the cheating and he sexually assaulted you.

I don't even know why you're still there. This is not s good man. He's treating you like shit. Sorry but he really is. You need to end it.

nettyhetty Sat 04-Feb-17 15:30:12

Try and read what you've posted imagining it's your sister or your best friend telling you about their relationship. You'd instantly recognise it not just as manipulation but abuse. You deserve much more.

venusinscorpio Sat 04-Feb-17 15:41:50

He's not just manipulating you (but obviously he is). He is deeply abusive. He coerced you into sexual activity that you weren't comfortable with and then refused to stop. That is either rape or sexual assault depending what it was.

He's also gaslighting you to make you feel that you are the one in the wrong.

I do have experience of this type of abusive relationship and trust me, it won't get any better. This man has no respect for your feelings or your boundaries. Is there someone in RL you can talk to? I would finish this relationship now.

picklemepopcorn Sat 04-Feb-17 15:47:33

I'm sorry to say this is much more than manipulation. He is doing whatever he wants and making a major issue if you disagree. The plan is that you will stop arguing with him and let him get away with whatever he wants. He is grooming you. He has coerced you, assaulted you, and is preparing to do more.

HelsBels5000 Sat 04-Feb-17 15:49:47

Manipulation is probably the nicest way of describing the utterly shitty behaviour you are on the receiving end of. Leave. Now. What an arse.

Thinkingofausername1 Sat 04-Feb-17 16:01:19

Run. He sounds abusive sad

likeacrow Sat 04-Feb-17 16:04:52

Echoing what everyone else has said: manipulative and abusive. Like nettyhetty said, imagine if this was happening to someone you cared about, what would you say to them?
Lots of good luck and best wishes to you xx

Guiltypleasures001 Sat 04-Feb-17 16:05:39

Sorry op , he's a vile excuse for a human being, and yes he sexually abused you
So sorry lovely, this isn't normal within a loving respectful relationship. 😔

elpaso Sat 04-Feb-17 17:36:46

Will reply in more detail when I can,but just wanted to acknowledge and thank you all for the replies

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sat 04-Feb-17 18:00:47

He sounds just awful, run & run fast.
You begged him to stop & he didn't, you withdrew consent (which was coerced in the first place) at that point-that right there, if it was what I think it was, is rape.

ImperialBlether Sat 04-Feb-17 18:09:50

What a horrible man! How quickly can you get rid of him? Yes, he's disrespectful, manipulative and coercive. He's also raping/sexually assaulting you if you have told him to stop and he's ignored you.

Darlink Sat 04-Feb-17 18:15:02

Manipulation ?
You cannot be serious.
It's far worse

Iizzyb Sat 04-Feb-17 18:23:56

Op you just need to get a plan, get everything ready & depending on circs either finish it or kick him out/ leave him. It will just get worse.... and one day you'll not recognise yourself anymore. If you live together might take you longer to get things in place but do it. He will never change & you deserve to have an actual life of your own xxx

BaublesAndGlitter Sat 04-Feb-17 18:27:00

Oh OP, he's doing more than manipulating you. He is abusing you.

Your sentence "I feel like I can't broach any subject with him" says it all. He is awful to you, but he makes it so hard for you to bring up your issues, he's teaching you that it's better if you keep your mouth shut, which of course works well for a bully like him who wants everything his own way.

I'm really sorry OP, the thing he wanted to try in bed (anal is my guess) - the second you said no, stop and he didn't, it became rape 💐 There is no "oh I got carried away" - I'll bet my last pound that if he asked you to stop something in bed, you would, no matter if you were enjoying it or not. It's a no brainer for most people.

Mrsemcgregor Sat 04-Feb-17 18:39:59

It sounds like he emotionally and sexually abused you.

You could report to the police the incident with the sex act, it's that serious.

SandyY2K Sun 05-Feb-17 01:02:35

It's more than manipulation. Why are you with him? It's obvious he doesn't care about you.

The Facebook pics... Just nasty. Get out for your own safety.

ilovelamp82 Sun 05-Feb-17 01:09:00

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. I definitely second leaving him and calling Women's aid to talk this through with them.

MommaGee Sun 05-Feb-17 01:13:36

Please go. Do it safely but this is not love and you deserve so much more

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