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Advice re Reporting DV

(8 Posts)
SaltySeaDog72 Fri 03-Feb-17 19:07:11

Okay.. so... I have a friend who has 'separated' from her dp following being pinned up against a wall by him 2yrs ago. They still sleep in the 'marital' bed though. Am gonna be a bit vague here but there are massive financial issues (brought on by him) so she feels trapped and not able to leave . They have 3 dc. There have been a couple of police call outs. He has pinned her to the floor and other stuff. I can't believe she is in the same house let alone bed. She feels she has no options. I was told by this friend of an incident where the dp violent towards the eldest dc (1 x incident physical and verbal but no physical injury to dc). Friend is very much in the fog and not ready to leave. I told her she needs to leave and start thinking about refuge and what her priorities are. That she needs to protect the dc. But she can't see it and is fighting to stay in house (at risk of being re-possessed). She seems distracted by this. Currently they seem in the 'nice' part of the cycle but for how long. And what next. With the financial pressure...

I need to report to SS. I know that. How do I approach it? Sadly I have thought this through and think I am prepared to lose this friendship as a result. I am too worried about the dc. I'm not sure SS will do much though. It is so sad. But I am so very uncomfortable about it all.

Am thinking I need to send my friend a message saying that I can't keep what I heard to myself and that I am going to inform the right people.

What would others do? Anyone else done similar?

user892 Fri 03-Feb-17 19:12:48

I'm not sure SS will do much though

You've witnessed the father being physically abusive to a child. If you report it SS will take it extremely seriously and tell her to safeguard her children. They will want to see that she has kicked him out or that she and the DC have moved out.

Anything less then the children could be placed into foster care.

Perfectlypurple Fri 03-Feb-17 19:16:39

The op didn't witness it. Her friend told her.

I still think SS is the way to go, although they should already be aware due to the previous police involvement.

Unfortunately your friend may well feel she has no other option but to stay due to conditioning.

SaltySeaDog72 Fri 03-Feb-17 19:17:18

I didn't see it. She told
Me what happened. The police were not called to that incident. It wasn't as recent as last week or anything. I have experience of this stuff with work (being deliberately vague) and have known SS to be somewhat laid back in their approach to 'historical DV' but I think the sooner I report the better in terms of how 'historical' it is.

user892 Fri 03-Feb-17 19:18:27

Anyone else done similar?

My friend's partner was physically violent towards their daughter, on one serious occasion. We called SS and he was arrested and later charged.

She was rehoused as an emergency, but because my friend didn't display enough anger towards him, and still saw him occasionally (and actually felt sorry for him as he was very troubled), SS took her daughter into foster care.

After many many months of her having to prove her competence as a parent, and her commitment to safeguard her welfare, her daughter was allowed to return.

She refused access with the Dad, who killed himself (drug addict).

SaltySeaDog72 Fri 03-Feb-17 19:19:12

I know that SS should have been informed already. But I also know that sometimes the system doesn't work right and sometimes the incidents are only looked at in isolation or, the incidents are too sporadic to go on their radar.

SaltySeaDog72 Fri 03-Feb-17 19:21:56

Thanks for input.

Should I get on and do it anonymously? Shall I tell her first? It will be much harder to tell her. I was planning to tell her but can't quite bring myself to. Which is delaying me reporting it.

MrsBlennerhassett Fri 03-Feb-17 19:24:28

Report it anonymously then tell her that you have. I think if you tell her first she will convince you not to and you do really have to for the sake of the child and the sake of your friend long term.

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