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(13 Posts)
Dolphins23 Fri 03-Feb-17 18:36:13

Sorry if this is long but I'm stuck in a rut and want to get out, I don't no how!

Firstly I'm married, got 2 kids, one of which is husbands. I don't no where to start but I'm sick of my life at the moment, been fed up of our marriage for a year, I've realised how much of an a** hole my husband is. He's so horrible to my kid (the one that isn't his) since our child was born 2 years ago, always has a go at him for nothin, taps him, throws things at him, if son answers him back. But with our daughter she's
Can get away with anything. He's just a nasty, makes me feel sick inside, I try to stop it but then he turns on me, takes my iPad and phone off me and hides them. He even hid my straighteners and make up the other day cuz I apparently don't dress up for him. He said I should make an effort to wear nice clothes and do my hair n make up for him when he gets in from work at 10pm.. I like to be nice and warm in my pjs by then as I'm shattered from workin in the mornin and then lookin after the kids,school runs, and cleanin and doin tea! Just want to have a chill. Also if I work at night, I go at 4pm and come back at 11pm doin 2 hours of walkin around in the cold, doing community carer. But before I go work then I have to get up early do the school run, clean and look after the youngest whilst he's at work. But he doesn't like me workin, I'm gettin my dependence back and being more confident, he uses that I'm abandoning them now I've started work.

I've become to hate him, I can't stand being around him, he makes everything so miserable. He won't do anything as afamily or go on holidays cuz he doesn't want to

He kicks off and says I'm neglecting him if I don't want s*x, he will lie there waitin, if I get up without doin anything he will kick off, won't talk, go in a mood, and take my things off me cuz I'm apparently gettin it some where else.

When it was my birthday he decided to work, so my family decided to take me to my sisters pub for a take away and because I wasn't in by the time he finished and I wasn't back with his tea ready he gave me a lot of abuse down the phone, I decided to stay at my sisters for the night as my family heard it on the phone. But next day he was waitin outside the pub early mornin and wouldn't go unless I went so I went. But because I'm workin 3 hours on his birthday he's kicked off at me and said I should of had it off, I always got crap presents, he always spends loads on mine, and I'm not doing enough do care enough.

I live in a council house, both our names on it, i darent say anything about splitting up as he will smash things, go mentaland probably hurt me again. My anxiety is through the roof, I just want to run off. I haven't a clue where to start I just want to leave but don't no how

Sorry for being so long, this is barely what's goin on tho. Any advice but be great. Thank you smile

NavyandWhite Fri 03-Feb-17 18:40:31

He is an abusive bully. You cannot stay with this excuse of a man for your sake and that of your children, especially the one that isn't his. It will damage him.

I don't say this very often but you need to think about leaving? He will ruin all your lives if not. So many red flags there love.

Do have support from family?

Costacoffeeplease Fri 03-Feb-17 18:41:22

Call women's aid and make plans to leave asap, if he becomes violent call the police immediately and they will remove him from the house

languagelearner Fri 03-Feb-17 18:41:43

You've drawn all the conclusions yourself right at the end, you probably have to leave, there are organisations for abused women you can talk to, although I don't any names. Maybe someone else has a name and phone number to give you? Borrow someone else's phone when you call, or get a second (cheap) phone as he checks your primary phone.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 03-Feb-17 18:43:14

He is abusive not just to you but to your son, his stepchild, as well. You need to leave and asap before he destroys you all.

Womens Aid can and will help you leave. You can call them on 0808 2000 247.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 03-Feb-17 18:44:05

Rights of Women are also worth calling:-

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

UglySoul Fri 03-Feb-17 19:02:05

Lol what a terrible decision it was being with this man

I suppose some people really are very terrible at choosing partners, the upshot being of course that there are thousands of nice, good people out there that are lonely that never got a chance

Dolphins23 Fri 03-Feb-17 19:12:20

He wasn't like this till about 3 years ago, I was blind to it all till not long ago

I've just a few family around em but I feel I can't talk to anyone, I'm so shy and never say anything that bothers me.

I panick when I'm on the phone I don't no what to say, but I will pluck up the courage to phone when I can! Does anyone know what to expect?
Thanks for the advice

Dolphins23 Sat 04-Feb-17 18:11:35

Update!!
Kicked off again this morning, it went all out of hand and he's hit me! Called the police, which I'm very proud of as I'd never be able to do it! They've arrested him for assault been in there all day!

Police were very helpful and told me where to go for help as he's only going to get a caution and will be able to still be in the house.
One step forward though! But also feeling very guilty like I've caused all this trouble? And thinkin is it my fault all this happened? Very confused

Thanks anyway for all the help!

Costacoffeeplease Sat 04-Feb-17 18:20:19

Well done. He's caused this by being violent, only him

Do you have a plan to leave?

NavyandWhite Sat 04-Feb-17 18:22:31

Of course it's not your fault. If he hadn't have hit you you wouldn't have had to call the police. Well done though for ringing.

Call WA asap. You have to get out of this relationship as it's going nowhere apart from getting worse.

UglySoul Mon 06-Feb-17 15:02:13

teach this idiot a lesson

good on you missus

Adora10 Mon 06-Feb-17 15:36:42

I bet it's not the first time he's raised a hand to you, the whole relationship sounds thoroughly miserable, what's to stay for, he sees you as a possession, he will never see you as a human, an equal, he's incapable.

Don't look back.

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