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Split with husband need advice

(13 Posts)
solomum27 Fri 03-Feb-17 09:53:22

I split up with my husband 3 weeks ago. He dropped a massive bomb on me the night before and said we weren't getting on. This was news to me. The next day he walked out and went to his mums house. I have since got myself a car and claiming as a single parent. I miss him so much and can't see myself being without him. I sent him the message yesterday

I wrote this on Monday night. I've been too scared to send it so here goes.

Words can’t explain how terrified I’ve been to write you this, but i feel like it can’t hurt, Can it? Well, we’ll see. I just want you to know how i completely feel. The last thing i want is to come across your mind as needy and desperate. ( But thats not the case ) It's just my heart speaking.

I guess I’ve decided to write this because lately, I miss you so much it hurts. I miss looking forward to talking to you and seeing you everyday. I miss your cuddles. I miss when I would go to look at you, but you were already looking at me first. Some days I miss you so much i go through all the messages you wrote me, and it makes me smile, but then I wake up in the morning realise you’re not here anymore, and I get sad again. To hear i was your world, always made me feel special.

I’ve tried to convince myself i don’t want you anymore. But I just can’t let go. I don’t want to see you move on, but I’m not doing much about it either.

I could tell you how much Ive missed you for days and weeks , but I feel like it won’t make a difference.

I cannot put into words how I feel about you when I see you, hear you! My heart breaks just to be around you. I take in the way you move, the way you talk, whenever you are around although it may only be for brief moment, it’s enough to make my day.

These intense feelings will never go away.

Every day and night I thank god that you came into my life and I try to tell you how I feel, because what I feel for you exists inside my heart.

I often think of that wonderful evening when we first met-the first time I saw you – the first time we spoke to each other – the first time we touched – the first time I sung to you. Our first kiss that you gave me on my couch. It seems just like yesterday to me because I have always kept such precious memories constantly alive in the pages of my mind.

If you decide to open up your heart to me again, you will benefit from my improved personal standards which can only serve to elevate this relationship from the emotional state in which it seems to have found itself in. Every second we’ve been apart, every word, action and thought that has ever been spoken or passed, has travelled thru the depths of my mind And it makes me a better person everyday. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, look its not a need or neccesity to have you back, but its a choice instead to want to be with you again.

And my mind and heart choose to be with you – so look there’s a difference between needing you back and choosing to want to be with you. The purpose of this message is to let you acknowledge that I’m not asking for you to take me back right now, I don’t want to be selfish and pressure you to be back with me all over again. NO i dont want that! All im trying to say and gain from this message is for a little sign of hope that one day this storm will calm down and it will be sunny again between you and me again. Cause the way i feel about you is a really rare type of love.

He messaged me back saying he doesn't know what to do now as he did want me back but now solicitors are involved and our financial situation has changed he doesn't know what to think/do. I said we could start of slowly, go on dates and see how we get on.

He hasn't said anything since, just been speaking about the girls. Should I leave him to it or should I ask him out on a date? I would really like advice as my emotions are everywhere at the moment and I just want him home x

Dadaist Fri 03-Feb-17 10:31:16

Hi OP - I'm so sorry you are suffering such heart break. I do feel for you.
I really think this all depends on the reasons he had for leaving. Are you sure there isn't an OW involved?
How were you together? Had he fallen out of love or did he feel you no longer loved him?
It's obvious you don't want to end your marriage and I think it's a good sign that he suggested 'dates' - not just taking.
So - if there isn't something you don't know - or if he felt your relationship was stale - then yes - he may be looking for you to initiate (it's what we do not what we say or write). Take it slow and remain honest.
Good luck!

Dadaist Fri 03-Feb-17 10:36:01

Re read and seen that you suggested dates not DH. Did you send the letter?
Still depends on the back story really.

Imaginesthat Fri 03-Feb-17 10:39:24

I don't want to upset you but I think if it was so sudden (to you) it wasn't to him and this could have been a disconnect on his part for a while and prepare yourself just incase there is somebody else

Msqueen33 Fri 03-Feb-17 10:47:46

I'm so sorry OP. Personally I'd say not to send the letter. For him to walk out so easily suggests he disconnected a while ago and I think you need to give him time. He knows where to find you. With men I think things like this come across as needy and is unappealing. I know you miss him but now you need to look after and protect yourself.

Imaginesthat Fri 03-Feb-17 11:03:19

I agree with msqueen33 to not send it and read this beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

Dadaist Fri 03-Feb-17 11:22:01

So have we decided there's an OW? Because that's good advice if there is and absolutely terrible advice if there isn't!

Dadaist Fri 03-Feb-17 11:25:44

So have we decided that there is an OW?? Because the above is good advice if there is - but could be terrible advice if there isn't!

Imaginesthat Fri 03-Feb-17 11:29:01

Sorry I just re read that you've already sent it. I'm of the belief if someone wants to be with you they just will be and it shouldn't be this much hard work ..

InTheMoodForLove Fri 03-Feb-17 12:02:30

I think OP sent the letter already ?

InTheMoodForLove Fri 03-Feb-17 12:07:56

Op you sounds still in shock tbh
You say This was news to me. Please use the distance and silence to have a good think at what the relationship as been during the last month or so and if you can, reveal a bit more of the context.

While it is totally possible that this is all his doing (OW or whatever he may have seen fit for himself) I have heard it from many friends before that it was a one-sided out of the blue decision - while usually the sings are there before just very difficult to see when you are inside the situation.

InTheMoodForLove Fri 03-Feb-17 12:08:24

sorry I meant to say monthS - not just last month

poppyshot Fri 03-Feb-17 12:17:41

Oh op. I've wrote a letter like this once. It didn't end well. I'm sorry but I think his minds made up. In time you will move on

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