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How do you cope with life/ relationships if you have been through a lot ?

(3 Posts)
notgivingin789 Fri 03-Feb-17 06:10:08

Hey everyone,

I feel like my head needs a bit of a wobble and I need to snap out of it and enjoy my life. But I've been feeling down and have been through quite a lot in the past year that I'm not able to function.

Many of my friends have been encouraging me to go out with them but I have been declining (or just saying yes for the sake of not upsetting them ). I feel like I need time for me ... I know it's not good to stay indoors and go out with friends.. But I feel I need time for myself... Discover myself (if that makes sense). Is it wrong for me to want that and keep declining invitations.

The thing is, in the past year I've gone through some life changing events (I won't name all. But to put it, I've broken off my abusive relationship that I was in for about 8 years. Ive been attending a Freedom programme course which had been fantastic ! so getting my head around that. I graduated in the summer but felt during that year I didn't get ..emotionally process after leaving an abusive relationship as I was distracted by my exams. So now that I've finished I want to use that time to properly process everything.

My son has SEN who I love very much but he does need a lot of help with his speech, reading and writing (and behaviour hmm). I want to pursue a Masters by the end of this year. But I feel guilty pursuing my own Interests when I should be at home supporting DS. Like I'm neglecting his needs... Am I ? Though on the other hand doing something for me helps me with my mental state as when I'm not really doing anything I worry even more.

Newly graduated, my finances are dire as for a couple of months I've been working for free (for experience ) and I'm stressed about money. I get so tired after work, cooking meals that I can't function much the next day and it becomes a cycle.

I dunno... Maybe all these things are trivial. But AIBU to want to do something for myself ? Should I make more of an effort to see my friends ? I wanted to use this year as more of a self discovery after being suffocated in an abusive relationship..taking up hobbies having more fun with DS. It may take a while to get over an abusive relationship and the fact because my son has SEN he would always needs help one way or the other. But it's a matter of balancing all of that and my own needs ?

Have any of you been through so much within a year or in certain moments of your life one thing is happening and then something else happens again and again within a short space of time. How did you cope ? What did you do ?

User7889 Fri 03-Feb-17 06:19:46

I think I understand, I have times of feeling like I need to 'lock myself down' and just spend time at home. During times like this I also don't want to go out drinking with friends. I say to my friends that I don't want to go out drinking but happy to go for a walk instead. It is good to get out a bit but perhaps the things that your friends are inviting you to do aren't things that you feel like doing at the moment? If that's the case then think of what you feel you would like to do with friends and suggest those activities instead, even if it's asking them over for a cuppa. Friends are important and it is good to keep in touch even though you may not feel like doing what they are doing, good friends will understand and be supportive of how you feel, perhaps let them know though if you can do they don't think that you don't want to hang out with them at all.

Allofme2017 Fri 03-Feb-17 06:48:21

I know exactly what you mean and I am doing just this right now. I feel I just want to keep my head down and give myself time to recover and adjust to everything that has happened in the last year.

Part of me is bored but another part of me just hasn't got the oomph to get out there and do things. I feel like I need peace and quiet. Ideally I would be on a retreat in the middle of nowhere living and eating simply (fat chance.) I tell myself it is only temporary and one day I will start to want to do things again. The thought of going out drinking or partying, I just couldn't do it.

As long as you are honouring your basic commitments I think that's fine. I also have a dc with special needs and I understand the guilt you feel. Is there any support you can get for him elsewhere?

It sounds like you are doing well with your studies so hang on in there.

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