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DH finds a celebrity more attractive than me.

(86 Posts)
relationshipsnc Fri 03-Feb-17 03:31:07

I had no clue how to write the title? I know she's more attractive than me, so have no issue with him pointing that out. I'm sure in our marriage I've said someone is handsome, etc.

However, he has recently commented on a meme of her on Facebook. Tagging his friend and saying "if I weren't married... ;)" and I just don't appreciate that. Am I being over sensitive? He 'jokingly' says he'd swap me for her any day of the week and when I don't laugh, claims it's just a joke, etc.

GinIsIn Fri 03-Feb-17 03:39:11

Aren't you over-thinking it a bit? He's not exactly likely to run into them, and if he did I doubt they are going to fling themselves at him so it's a fairly safe, jokey thing!

This reminds me of the Friends episode where Ross and Rachel have the lists of 5 celebrities they are allowed to sleep with.....

HarmlessChap Fri 03-Feb-17 03:40:34

There are plenty of pretty people about whose attractiveness is only skin deep. I doubt that he is meaning to hurt you but I appreciate that it can.

I've had similar with DW, she had (has) the hots for a celeb and it bothered me tremendously. I don't think it would have but we're going through a rough patch and she shows no sign of fancying me so to be told she fancies someone else irrespective of who they are was very painful.

Trifleorbust Fri 03-Feb-17 03:43:04

flowers

I suppose it depends on whether you believe he is joking. For some people this is how they do 'banter' and it means nothing. For others this is disrespectful. You should tell him if this upsets you. A loving partner will stop it.

relationshipsnc Fri 03-Feb-17 03:44:55

To be honest, I probably am overthinking it 6 months pregnant and very hormonal

Moonywormtailpadfootprongs Fri 03-Feb-17 03:49:26

My husband would probably swap me for Beyoncé hmm...

You're overthinking it.

I kindly remind him... she probably farts in bed, has rancid morning breath... acne etc.

But if it upsets you, talk to him.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu Fri 03-Feb-17 04:49:12

Either he intends it as 'banter', in which case he should stop as you don't find it funny.

Or he genuinely means it, in which case I'd be upset. You are carrying his baby and he'd really prefer Ms Celebrity?

I think he probably means it as banter. I'd have a conversation explaining that you are hurt by this and ask him to stop. My dh kept trying to banter me in a different way and I found it rude; he did stop eventually but he tried to hide behind "oh, but it's banter". Is bantering a protected human right then? hmm

AmeliaJack Fri 03-Feb-17 04:56:39

I would consider posting this kind of thing on Facebook as over the line personally. It's one thing for you to joke about this in private it's another for him to publish it publicly.

I'd personally feel it was disrespectful to me - although he no doubt didn't mean it that way.

Married/attached men who post this kind of thing on fb just look like arses to everyone else.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero Fri 03-Feb-17 05:05:06

My dp thinks several celebs are 'fitter' than me, and says so, and I have to admit I agree blush saying that I can think of several celebs I think are more attractive than him, he likes to post pictures of them on my fb wall for me and my friends to drool over hmm confused but not complaining
Chances are it means nothing at all, he's just comfortable with you and talking to you/in front of you how he would his mates. If it offends/upsets you speak to him about it, especially while pregnant the last thing you need is for him to do anything that makes you insecure and he probably hasn't realised how upset you are.

Fallonjamie Fri 03-Feb-17 05:21:11

I think you're pregnant, hormonal and feeling insecure. If it was a woman from work then it would be completely inappropriate but I think of celebrities as 'fantasy figures'.

I think most people have a celebrity they like and joke they'd leave their DP for. To be fair, if Tom Hardy turned up and wanted to whisk me away ...

Middleoftheroad Fri 03-Feb-17 05:32:51

My DH likes lots of celebs(as do I) . We joke in private about Isla Fisher or Cillian Murphy etc. However, i would not like him saying what your DH said on social media either!

PetalMettle Fri 03-Feb-17 05:33:13

I agree with fallon. They're just pixels on a screen or photos in a magazine, it's nor like he's even going to meet them.
I fancy loads of celebs smile

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu Fri 03-Feb-17 05:45:26

I do think jibes like that in a marriage do not inspire confidence or feelings of security.
tell him off he can trot and try and have a go on her.
he does sounds like a wanker to be honest.

isthismummy Fri 03-Feb-17 05:46:55

Bloody hell, so many man pleasers on this thread!

OP. You are NOT being irrational, hormonal or whatever else is being said here.

Of course nobody goes blind once they get married, but it's a matter of respect. Tagging himself on fb with comments about if he wasn't married to you? If I saw a partner of a friend do that I would cringe/be furious on their behalf. It's disrespectful, childish and insensitive.

You are six months pregnant with his child and he should have more consideration for your feelings. He may say it "jokingly" but something is only a joke if you find it funny.

I'd be massively pissed off if my dp went on like this. It's not "banter" (surely a cop out word for people being unkind anyway?) it's thoughtless at best and mean at worst.

BastardGoDarkly Fri 03-Feb-17 05:59:52

So glad my dh isn't threatened by my Tom Hardy posts.

I'd never say I fancy him more than dh though, has he actually said that?

hesterton Fri 03-Feb-17 06:06:05

I would give him the icy death stare of total warfare and comment that I was sure she would be falling over her Jimmy Choos in her rush to bed him should I ever leave him for one of my firmer, kinder lovers.

BillDoor Fri 03-Feb-17 06:17:47

I'd swap my OH for any of the England Rugby team. grin wink (I'm sure they wouldn't look twice at pudgy old me.) He calls them my 'other boyfriends'
I think you are over thinking it a bit

LotsOfAxolotlsAndOcelots Fri 03-Feb-17 06:21:28

I think your OH is being a disrespectful wanker OP.I would be upset too.

isthismummy Fri 03-Feb-17 06:25:17

Firmer kinder loversgringrin

tinkerbell17x Fri 03-Feb-17 06:25:22

well i get were you are coming from everyone is very different and what os acceptable to others is totally unacceptable depending on who you are.

my boyfriend always USED to joke about other celebs and what he would do if we werent together.. i put a stop straight to that. i found it extremely disrespectful and as your partner weather he finds your being pathetic should 100% respect you as it is bringing down your self esteem.

I think anyone who says they dont find other people attractive is lying.. i fancy alot of celebs as im sure my boyfriend does but we do not ever tell eachother who we find attractive we keep it to ourselves and thats how i like it

Ohbuggermebugger Fri 03-Feb-17 06:25:37

Bearing in mind you're 6 months pregnant, I think its completely insensitive of him and it isn't funny.

If you wasn't pregnant and we're able to laugh about it then it would be banter, but you are pregnant and you're not finding it funny so it isn't banter.

I don't think you're overthinking it, I think his 'banter' is inappropriate atm. I'm sure it isn't intentional.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and good luck with your new baby.

TresDesolee Fri 03-Feb-17 06:26:43

The only thing that really matters are that you are upset by it. This isn't one of those times when you should second-guess yourself and crowdsource opinions - it's not a complicated tiff with a neighbour over a fence. It's the man you love whose child you're about to have saying something that's upset you. Just tell him - you don't have to go overboard, just say 'look, that really upset me. Could you please not do it again?'

If he carries on (or regularly does things that you've told him upset you) you know you've got bigger problems. But hopefully not.

I'm a big believer that in intimate relationships there's no such thing as a 'wrong' emotion. Lots of things about intimate partnerships aren't remotely rational. Shackling ourselves to one man and putting our lives and health on the line to bear their children isn't strictly rational. Don't make that the yardstick. You want and need to feel loved and secure, so tell him what he needs to do. (Works both ways of course.)

TresDesolee Fri 03-Feb-17 06:31:15

Oh and if it makes you feel better, when I was heavily pg with DS2, my (now) ex took DS1 to the barbers without telling me and had all his long baby curls cut off and proudly brought him back to me with a buzz cut. I cried for about two hours. Ex didn't do it again though!

ForeverLivingMyArse Fri 03-Feb-17 06:33:20

We have always had quite open and light hearted conversations like this. He knows of my penchant for Russel Brand and I know of his for Carol the weather woman. I remember my mum and dad joking about Valarie Singleton and David Essex.

In my eyes posting about it on Facebook is disrespectful to you and a step too far. Also if he's aware you don't like hearing about it he should be respecting that.

CactusFred Fri 03-Feb-17 06:36:26

I've said for years that I'd swap DH for Colin Morgan in a heartbeat.

I wouldn't!

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