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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Upset

23 replies

Coffeegrain · 02/02/2017 22:19

So this time last year I didn't know I was pregnant, at 7ish weeks had a miscarriage followed by weeks of hospital visits. It was a long distance relationship but I really loved him.
Now he is with OW who is putting public posts on Facebook about their amazing weekend away. Also a picture of the four poster bed they slept in.
I'm finding it hard.. lying here crying..

OP posts:

Report

jeaux90 · 02/02/2017 22:39

Sorry coffee that sounds really hard. The kindest thing to do for yourself is to block him on social media and go no contact.

Coffeegrain · 02/02/2017 22:48

I'm already no contact and they are both blocked. Saw via a friend.. shouldn't have looked

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Checkthisout · 02/02/2017 22:49

Sorry to hear op, it's definitely hard. How long has it been since you split??

How long were you together??

Coffeegrain · 02/02/2017 22:52

We were together only 14 months and split last July. I'm still grieving for the future I though we would have, he certainly isn't. His new woman also sent a vile message to me via Facebook. I'm much better than I was just upset at seeing the latest pictures. I have almost identical ones of us both

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Checkthisout · 02/02/2017 22:59

Why do the OW think it's okay or normal to message the ex?? It's weird!

Clearly shows she feels threatened by you.

I haven't ever felt any need to message my partners (at the time) exes!

Coffeegrain · 03/02/2017 19:43

Check. When I found out in my utter despair I messaged her. He is a cheat and a liar. I was factual, but I got a vile message back.
A very unfair message.
I'm moving on, I do find it difficult he has moved on so quickly and is happy.

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Checkthisout · 03/02/2017 19:49

I don't blame you at all!

The only person I've not messaged is my exes new gf....although I've come very damn close!

In all fairness, I have every right too given the fact I'm carrying his baby!

The problem is......all new gf's think the exes are bat shit crazy until the honeymoon period wears off & they start to see their lovely boyfriends for who they really are!

Funny thing for me though, I honestly knew all the way through that my ex was a knob and if his ex gfs had messaged me, I'd have bloody believed them! I felt so sorry for how he treated his ex gf, we argued a lot about it.

I know exactly how you are feeling, your ex is a cunt, you will find someone who wouldn't ever dream of treating you like this.

Coffeegrain · 03/02/2017 20:44

Check - thank you.
He told me he was separated but I think he was having an affair with me. I do know for sure they have separated now and he has then gone on from me to new woman.
I really deeply loved him. I thought we had a future. He was delighted at the pregnancy then a few months later with another woman? Hurts like hell.

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Coffeegrain · 03/02/2017 20:48

Sorry to hear you are in this awful position check

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Passthebiscuit · 03/02/2017 20:55

Be kind to yourself coffee , this time of year must be awful for you I imagine after loosing the baby. Hope you can surround yourself with friends and keep busy. He's not worth it

Coffeegrain · 03/02/2017 20:58

Thank you Pass. What made it worse is the new girlfriend sent me a message saying 'as a woman who has never wanted children, I fail to understand how a year after a failed pregnancy you feel as you do'.. talk about trying to kill me. My friends and family don't know 😪 I went through it alone.

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Passthebiscuit · 03/02/2017 21:33

She sounds terrible. Can you block anyone who is a mutual friend , and defiantly don't engage in any conversation with them. Can you focus on something else, a declutter at home makes me feel a bit better, or. Even something small like a coffee and cake out. Can you tell a friend IRL about the miscarriage ?

Coffeegrain · 03/02/2017 21:38

I've already done that. They're blocked. I'm doing everything I can to get over it. Long walks, long runs, new exercise class, new goals. But seeing (via a friend) a picture of their four poster bed, she made public on Facebook hurts. I feel it was for my benefit, although I've blocked her.
I'll get some counselling. What kind of a person can do that? This time last year I didn't even know I was pregnant..

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Checkthisout · 03/02/2017 21:48

I honestly do feel for you OP, honestly I do! I know exactly how you are feeling.

It genuinely upsets me to know men are treating women like this....it's wrong.

I ask the same question, how my ex told me he loved me, wanted to be with me & our son & then 3 weeks later, in a relationship with another woman.

It will start getting better eventually op

Passthebiscuit · 03/02/2017 21:50

Coffee I really hope this doesn't offend, not my intention at all, but perhaps the underpinning issue (for want of Better word) is unresolved closure from the miscarriage, rather than the relationship (or maybe both). If you can get the counselling, that may help. Have you looked at the miscarriage thread - perhaps speaking to others there could help? You went through a trauma last year, and perhaps that would benefit from being looked at? Either way , I hope things get better for you soon

Coffeegrain · 03/02/2017 21:57

I'm not offended pass.
I doubt I'll have the opportunity for another child now. I'm 40. But I did love him and I did want it. The future I imagined was taken away. I feel utterly cheated and betrayed.
I wanted our baby but it wasn't meant to be. I believe the little angel (and another I lost) are together

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Checkthisout · 03/02/2017 22:01

You are grieving for the life you planned for with the baby & with your ex.....this will take time but I definitely agree with a pp about counselling.

I feel it's starting to help me.

Take care of yourself & put you first, you deserve better

Coffeegrain · 03/02/2017 22:33

Thanks. I'm getting there. What hurts is he has moved on from it all, with another woman and I'm still in recovery. I hope karma gets him.

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Passthebiscuit · 03/02/2017 22:35

I am
Sure both your angels are together , I very much believe that

Coffeegrain · 03/02/2017 22:39

Thanks. I'm in tears. A man will never understand will they, nor a woman who never wanted children. I felt it, I had all the symptoms and it was pregnancy of unknown location, it could have been life threatening. I was in and out of hospital on my own for a few months. He is happily smiling with his new woman and comments regarding handcuffs on their 4 poster bed. Made public on Facebook.

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Passthebiscuit · 04/02/2017 19:54

For now yes, but in the future you'll be the one having the happier life and the current women will also see what he's like , you will have the last laugh

BitOutOfPractice · 04/02/2017 19:57

Sorry chick and I know it's hard. Trust me I do. But they are not blocked if you can see via a friend. Block them and move on. Believe me I know how trite that advice is. And how true it is too.

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HelenaGWells · 04/02/2017 20:08

I would put money on this time next year her crying because he's cheated on her. If you think you were an unknowing mistress and within 18 months he had another woman on the side I don't fancy her chances tbh.

Let yourself grieve for the family you lost and then you have head space free to look forward to the family who haven't yet arrived.

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