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Advice Please - relationship break up

(9 Posts)
imaan19 Thu 02-Feb-17 22:15:52

Hi everyone
really need some advice and please be as frank as possible!

6 months ago I left my husband, he had been cheating on me for well over a year - using every way he could find. He belittled me to other women, would be up all night texting them while I was on nights etc I knew about it for quite some time and i confronted him many times too. he never thought I would leave and when Id pack my bags he somehow managed to persuade me to stay, but one day it just got too much and i left.

im now living on my own and slowly getting better, the problem is that I just feel awful for him. i dont want to sound obnoxious or big headed at all (because im not) but he literally has nothing without me there. he doesnt really have a family or support network and his friends have distanced themselves a lot since they found out what he'd been doing. when i lived with him I did everything, food, shopping, bills, washing, support, love and a friend - anything he needed i was there (not only for him but for his mother too). and now im not and its almost like hes just rotting away. i loved him with all my heart, he was my best friend and i will always care for him, i had to forgive him to move on but id never want anything bad for him. I know ill never trust him again but I cant help but feel guilty. will this feeling ever go away?

ALaughAMinute Thu 02-Feb-17 22:28:11

I felt terribly guilty for leaving my abusive exh six months ago almost as if it was somehow my fault. It is only very recently that I have been able to see him for the abusive bastard he was and the feeling of guilt has started to subside. So in answer to your question, yes, the feeling does go away but it takes time. You might benefit from some counselling to help you get over it if you are really struggling. It sounds like you are well rid of him. Stay strong.

Dadaist Fri 03-Feb-17 09:45:48

Well maybe he should have thought of that before he took you forganted, disrespected you in company, hurt you and cheated on you?
If he can't function without a woman to do the most basic things he's stil a boy and needs to grow up! And He will have to do that himself- you won't help him by doing things for him anyway. I don't think you should feel in any way responsible, but I think it's admirable that you have forgiven him, moved on and wouldn't wish him ill.

Adora10 Fri 03-Feb-17 14:48:11

Do not waste your sympathy OP, there are people out there if you want to show kindness in all sorts of ways.

Best friend? No, he really was not; he didn't give a fuck about you and still doesn't, he just wants a mum to do everything for him, that's not a normal healthy relationship never mind the constant cheating and you are well out of it; I think you have wasted enough time on him tbh and I'd not be looking back. Every time you feel guilt remember all the horrible disrespectful shit he threw in your direction, that's not remotely a friend.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 03-Feb-17 15:11:36

He's not your friend and your guilt is very very misplaced.
Understandable but misplaced none the less.

noego Fri 03-Feb-17 16:03:07

Tough love required here. He's feeling sorry for himself. Tough titty, He'll survive. They always do.

imaan19 Sat 04-Feb-17 17:45:35

thanks everyone - really needed something said to me to get my head straight! he'll survive it and no doubt do it to someone else. good luck i say!

TwitterQueen1 Sat 04-Feb-17 17:52:35

Of course you feel guilty. He was your DH. You had dreams together, plans together and worked towards them..... BUT it seems that it was only you working towards these dreams not him and he has treated you very very badly.

You invested in him and in your joint plans, and now you know they were just false dreams and they don't exist. So because the dreams mattered to you and you are 'giving them up' part of your emotion is guilt.

BUT YOU KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT! Any guilt should be his, not yours. You have absolutely done the right thing. Move on with your head held high, your shoulders back, a smile on your face and a spring in your step, knowing that you don't have anything to feel guilty about.

TheStoic Sat 04-Feb-17 17:53:46

He has plenty - all the women he was interacting with, and still is.

You sound like a really good, decent person. Spend your empathy and sympathy on someone who deserves it.

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