OLD - initial conversation - what the heck to say?!

[airforsharon]

Right, I'm a complete newbie/idiot when it comes to OLD. I've dipped my toes in the water briefly in the past, just going back again for another go and have realised just how socially inept I am . I've actually limited dating experience - came out of a 15 year marriage 2 years ago, was in a 7 year relationship before that......being involved with someone else for so long meant being socially a bit crap seemed to not matter that much. And now I need to Talk To People and sound interesting and I don't think I know how

It's the initial/early stages of chatting that i'm really unsure about - what to say/ask, how to move the conversation along, when to stop trying. I'm not the most confident and very aware i'm far from a stunner so I think i'm a bit sensitive to making an idiot of myself. Any advice please, very gratefully received.

[PaterPower]

Just keep your questions open so he can't answer with a yes or no, try and pick up interests and hobbies etc from their profile and ask about those. Travel plans are always good. Try and suss out whether they have similar goals (or any at all!).

If you're not overly confident with written "chats" try and move on to arranging a first coffee date fairly quickly. You (and they) will get a much better idea of who you really are that way and it will also sort out the time wasters (lots and LOTS of those on OLD) from those genuinely looking.

Whatever you do, be safe and be sensibly cautious. Usual rules about busy places, tell a friend where you're going and check in with them after the date etc.

Also look after your money. OLD is a magnet for scammers these days too. If you ever get a conversation that asks you for a bank transfer or to send money (no matter how long you've been chatting to them - these people will take their time) then end it immediately. Even police officers have been caught out by OLD honey traps, they're very plausible.

[languagelearner]

Gee, I didn't even know what the abbreviation "OLD" was, but I've figured it out now, from the context... Anyway, as for any conversation, the trick is to ask open questions and pretend to be interested in the other person's life (hard, I know). So, instead of asking "-Do you enjoy working as an X?" (Yes/No) you could ask "-How come you started to work as an X?" which requires more of an explanation.

[airforsharon]

sorry to confuse language i'd found a couple of other threads on the same topic so just assumed it was a common abbreviation.

I've swapped a couple of messages with someone over the past few days and I've replied to his last message with a couple of specific questions than can't be answered yes or no, so we'll see if he reappears and replies.

Re scammers, scary stuff. Something like that hadn't occurred to me, so i'll be on my guard.

I think it's the rather stilted, waiting for them to log back on and (maybe) reply that makes me, in turn, sound a bit stilted/guarded - it is worth suggesting swapping numbers and talking via text or WhatsApp instead?

[BernieBear]

I would wait a few days/some substantial messages, before giving out your number. Also join the dating thread on here and check out the "rules" (these are more pieces of advice gleaned from members who have been OLD for eons) they are invaluable when OLD.

I agree with open ended questions and then, when they answer with a description etc, follow up with open ended questions relating to their answers.

Good luck