I met a man nearly two years ago, we've lived together for a short while (we moved in together mainly because of outside reasons that seemed to happen together and made it feel like it was the right thing to do) I used to be fiesty, lively, bubbly, independent, a bit nutty but generally happy (I think) now I don't recognise myself. I shut up and keep my opinions to myself, I try to keep the peace, I sometimes loose it because I can't stand it anymore, then I get told I'm crazy, argumentative. I find myself getting agitated because he doesn't understand me, or frustrated because he tells me I'm being unreasonable and causing an argument. It happens every month or so and he says it's me (pmt) but I've never had this problem before, and it's not that time of the month either. he can be the kindest person, he cooks, cleans, shops, woud do anything I asked (he says I don't let him help enough) looks after his daughter half the week, but other times he can be so rude, nasty, obnoxious. He tells me I'm crazy,mental I need help, that I'm dark, incapable of being loved, that he would do anything for me, that I mean the world to him. I left him on Sunday, he won't leave my house because he's paid his half of the bills this month and I can't afford to pay them back, but when I say I'll get a loan to cover it he says he doesn't want my money. I'm now staying on someone else's sofa, waiting to go back home.
He constantly messages me, sometimes begging me to come home, telling me has nothing without me then because I refuse to go home until he's gone (I did it before and within a few weeks I'm back to square one) he then starts calling me names. Telling me I'm crazy, need help, that this is my fault. That I'm dirty, that he can't wait to get out of my house. I can be in what I'm sure is a perfectly even mood but he keeps asking me why I'm upset/annoyed. When we're having a good day he makes reference to how nice it is when I'm happy. he doesn't seem to agree with anything I say/think or feel. He has helped me out since Christmas, it killed me financially, by not only paying his half of the bills but buying all the shopping too, but he throws this in my face by reminding me I haven't even bought toothpaste recently. But then he gets annoyed when I won't ask for help, he says I take everything the wrong way. Since I've left he has text friends telling them I'm mental, he's been financially supporting me, that he's so worried about me, that I need help. This is so hard, I love him and his messages reminding me of good times make me want to be with him, I don't trust my own perception of events, I am adamant I'm not imagining his digs, put downs, sarcasm then he seems to turn what I say around, look confused. The thing is communication is a big part of my job I'm usually good at explaining myself. I'm so confused and churned up and I'm hurting. I read one of his messages and I feel guilty, sorry for him that I've ruined his life but then he becomes insulting, nasty and I hate him. I think I'm going insane. I've changed my number because I cant stand the messages, they always contain something that hurts, and after a particularly emotional day, being bombarded with pm's instead, he now wants me to ring him about house arrangements not message, that isn't going to happen. I don't know how much longer I can cope with this situation.
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DontKnowWhichWayToTurn · 02/02/2017 20:36
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