Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Second time round how to tell?

(11 Posts)
User7889 Thu 02-Feb-17 07:20:13

I've known someone for a while between us we have 4 children so we don't get much time alone. Can't bare the though of another relationship going tits up, not for me or the children. So my only concern is that we don't chatter very easily, would this be a red flag? Other than that he is amazing with the children, all kids get on well together and choose to hang out together. He listens and is supportive when there is something on my mind and when we do stuff together we work well. He isn't a great communicator and does find it hard to have serious conversations about us but does tell me his work and family concerns. No issues in the bedroom either, he is the most respectful man I have ever been with. My only concern is the lack of chatter about non important stuff. How important is that to you and your relationship?

RaeofSun Thu 02-Feb-17 07:24:56

Has he ever chattered much? Does he ignore your chattering to him? Just trying to work out if this is a changed characteristic recently

BumDNC Thu 02-Feb-17 07:32:48

Do you have fun together?
You don't mention that

User7889 Thu 02-Feb-17 07:48:04

Nope never been a big chatter! He does try making general conversation but for some reason it just doesn't seem to flow. Never has and initially thought it was nerves, if we are busy doing something or working on something together then we are completely comfortable. Yes we do have fun together, really enjoy doing things together especially when all the kids are with us... in fact when it is the 6 of us that is when I feel we are at 'our best' though the rest is good too!

TheNaze73 Thu 02-Feb-17 07:49:59

I think it's a bit like libidos. Some people talk for England & speak a 1000 words, when 5 would do, others like it sounds your DP is, doesn't do the inane chat.
As long as you communicate well on what matters & you can both cope with your mismatched, chat drives, you'll be fine I think

Winterfairy Thu 02-Feb-17 08:06:55

My other half doesn't do chat. He is great at everything else but if it isnt practical or factual its out. Been together 35 years though so plenty that's good. Are your values the same. Do you like the same things. Is he a kind and loyal man. If so that counts for a lot

User7889 Thu 02-Feb-17 08:35:35

Thank you! I don't mind the lack of chatter, it doesn't feel uncomfortable, I was just wondering how important it is for the long livity of a relationship. Yes he is kind, thoughtful and loyal, my only hesitation is the lack of chatter, perhaps I'm looking for problems that aren't there, just being super cautious, Thought EXH was the one, but made a huge mistake there so trying to be careful this time, thank you for your responses and reassurance!

AnyFucker Thu 02-Feb-17 08:37:42

Give me the strong silent type over a bullshitting gobshite any day

Words are cheap

User7889 Thu 02-Feb-17 08:44:40

Haha anyfucker... that comment has just given me a lightbulb moment thank you so much .... I think I may have been comparing him to someone I had a brief fling with... we could and did chatter non stop, which I enjoyed at the time but after it ended I realised he had the gift of the gab and it was all bullshit! He was a complete player!!

User7889 Thu 02-Feb-17 08:45:34

'Word are cheap' = Actions speak louder than words!

AnyFucker Thu 02-Feb-17 08:46:10

Indeed smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now