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Freedom programme after EA relationship

(16 Posts)
Littlefrogletx Wed 01-Feb-17 18:34:16

Can anyone explain what the freedom programme is all about.
I left an EA relationship and I have had it so ingrained into me that I'm worthless,
It's a long story but my ex was awful, I was gas lighted, he threatened to leave me at least twice a week he used to hack into my emails etc.
It was hell for 2 years in a 14 year relationship.
I still have panic attacks 8 months on. He made malicious report's to SS, I doubt myself everyday.
I suffer from ms. I also have depression and anxiety.
He would tell me that the kids would e taken off me because of illness.
He called me awful names, fat, slut, prostitute etc.
I think the way I am feeling with the panic attacks when I think of what he did and nightmares I have I might have ptsd. But he would tell me I was lying about how I felt, even my ms was a lie apparently.
He's reported me to dwp to try have me pulled before them to be reassessed for benefits.
We have 2 kids ds 11 and dd 7.
Even hearing his voice when he rings the kids sets me off.
We have no contact. He abused me every way we could after we split.
I have a police harassment order on him.
My problem is I'm seeing a new man. He is lovely, I just dont know what's normal in relationships.
I look back and see things ex did, I accepted that were obviously seriously wrong but I accepted it.
I just dont ever want to go down that road again

flossietoot Wed 01-Feb-17 18:38:13

I don't know what exactly they do on it, but in my previous job my support workers took our lone parents to it, and they always came back saying that they had got a lot out of it- I think it is confidence building predominantly.

Offred Wed 01-Feb-17 18:49:25

Various things. If you go to a group it will all be based loosely on the information in pat craven's book. Basically analysing different types of abuse, teaching you to spot it, exercises where you do things like watching sleeping with the enemy and spotting abuser tactics, comparisons between the dominator and mr right to help you see what is worrying and what is good behaviour....

It is great for re-educating your brain and if you have the chance to do it I would jump at it, though it can be difficult and painful to relive things it is totally worth it.

Littlefrogletx Wed 01-Feb-17 18:52:15

It cant be more difficult than how I feel now.

Offred Wed 01-Feb-17 18:53:26

They tend to tailor it to who attends

Offred Wed 01-Feb-17 18:55:50

I generally see it as a re-education or undoing the brainwashing the abuser did on you. If you can you could get the 'living with the dominator' book to get a rough idea but if you go to a group in person you'll get a lot of actual support (IME anyway).

Offred Wed 01-Feb-17 18:56:16

Book available on kindle too

Littlefrogletx Wed 01-Feb-17 19:02:37

Thank you.
Has anyone been on the course who has any feedback

Littlefrogletx Wed 01-Feb-17 19:03:46

Oh offred, I reread. You've attended it. I didn't see that first time

Msbluebozooka Wed 01-Feb-17 20:06:17

Its brilliant ! you meet other women who have been in exactly the same relationship as yourself, and it gives you confidence and self esteem, thats what I lost with my DH, you also learn to spot signs of other negative relationships and how to handle them.
I also felt guilty that my DC was having to go through this and they give u advice on that.Go on it ASAP.

springydaffs Thu 02-Feb-17 02:47:00

I've done it a fair few times. It is absolute gold dust. Do it. You'll meet others in the same position. All ordinary women who ended up in the horror of an abusive relationship.

imo it's better to attend the course to get the support because the material can be challenging if you're reading it on your own. Part of the abuse is to isolate us - if not physically then definitely mentally/emotionally re we think we're the only one. Doing the course with others makes it clear we aren't, that many experience this horror. The support and camaraderie is priceless.

The facilitators can also point you in the direction of effective emotional support eg appropriate counsellors etc.

I'm so sorry you had such a dreadful time, Little flowers

howdiditgettothis Thu 02-Feb-17 08:24:57

How do you arrange to go on the course? Is it a referral or you book yourself. Is it expensive? Apologies to jump on asking questions. I've been considering it myself but finding it difficult to find out much about it.

Offred Thu 02-Feb-17 08:30:41

Usually free. You could also contact local or national womens aid.

springydaffs Thu 02-Feb-17 10:16:32

I think it's always free? Some also offer free childcare. Depending where you live there are a number of courses available day and evening.

Offred Thu 02-Feb-17 11:49:44

Yes, always has been free that I know about (in my area) but with the cuts all sorts of things have started asking for small donations and I have not had recent experience.

WearingFuckMeSocks Thu 02-Feb-17 18:18:45

I can't recommend the Freedom programme highly enough. I left a 15 year EA relationship and was a shell of a person. The FP not only helped me to understand what had happened to me but also to recognise what was normal and to spot the early warning signs in the future.

There are usually other women there who have suffered all manner of abuses (on my course there were two young asian women who were being abused by their parents) and despite being upsetting at times, there was also a sense of camaraderie and some laughs along the way as well.

You should be able to find courses in your local area by ringing Women Aid. And also maybe approach your GP to have counselling as well.

And well done for LTB. It takes real courage

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