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Trying not to look desperate.

(13 Posts)
Nodramallama Wed 01-Feb-17 14:19:28

I've been seeing a guy for about 6 months now all has been going good, but recently he has been blowing hot and cold.
I do really like him and could see myself having a future with him but there's something at the back of my mind that I just can't shake off.

I would like to send him a message to try and find out what exactly he wants from this 'relationship' I just don't know how to word it so I don't come across as whiney and desperate.
Please any suggestions?

Huskylover1 Wed 01-Feb-17 14:22:01

I wouldn't do it by text. Next time you're together I'd simply ask him "are you ok, you seem a bit distracted lately?"

fallenempires Wed 01-Feb-17 14:25:33

Honestly,I really wouldn't bother contacting him.At 6 months in you should know where you stand.I would leave all contact to him and even then proceed with caution.Dating is meant to be fun not hard work.

Ilovecaindingle Wed 01-Feb-17 14:27:12

Maybe chat about what your plans for 2017 are if you dont want to be direct?

TheNaze73 Wed 01-Feb-17 14:48:13

What is it that you can't shake off? 6 months for me, should be still in the dating stage, getting to know each other & most importantly enjoying each other's company. The lust/love bubble normally starts to pop after about 6 months & allows you to see things straight. Good luck op

Nodramallama Wed 01-Feb-17 15:25:48

The feeling he's seeing someone else, I don't know maybe I'm projecting I was left devastated when exposed left for the other woman and I don't ever want to feel that again.

I know we all have busy lives, it just seems as though one minute he's interested the next he's not.
We spent all afternoon together on Sunday watching movies and since then I've barely spoken to him at all.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Wed 01-Feb-17 15:31:05

OP, I think you should let this one go.
Listen to your inner voice.
If he does get in touch, see how you feel then, but don't bother messaging him.

OlennasWimple Wed 01-Feb-17 15:39:08

Maybe, to quote that film, he's just not into you? Let things drop and see how he responds

TheNaze73 Wed 01-Feb-17 15:51:54

Maybe next time you see him, set the next date at the end of it. Could help you with the anxiety? Although if your gut instinct says wrong, then normally it's right. Could you just be different? Some people need constant check in's between dates, others just want to do their thing?

c3pu Wed 01-Feb-17 16:00:02

At 6 months in it's perfectly reasonable to have a frank discussion about how you both feel about the relationship and it's (short term, at least) future.

You don't need to make plans for moving in together and having babies LOL, but finding out if he feels it's worth continuing with is quite acceptable.

Adora10 Wed 01-Feb-17 16:28:21

Your gut is trying to tell you something; hot and cold is not good, even at six weeks never mind six months; look to his actions, and do not contact him again, let him come to you, so no do not look desperate but it does not sound good.

Ladyformation Wed 01-Feb-17 16:51:36

Have you had a chat about exclusivity?

I don't think it's at all desperate to have a "where is this going" conversation. I'd do it in person though, not over text (way too easy to miscommunicate). Rather, it's more adult than just not contacting him again when you've been dating for six months!

Gah81 Wed 01-Feb-17 17:09:18

I agree with Ladyformation entirely. I don't know what people in other relationships do, but I've nearly always had the chat to make it explicit (either they initiated it or I did) that we're not seeing other people.

Talking about it calmly, explaining what you are looking for and then asking what he is looking for, is a sensible approach to take, I think.

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