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What would you do

(10 Posts)
loulouxx Wed 01-Feb-17 13:34:31

My dad is getting re married next year,We haven't had a great relationship since him and my mother split up 16 years ago,I see him a couple of times a year,send bday cards and xmas cards but that's about it.When I found out he was getting married,me and my husband decided that we would go to the wedding,but not stay over and that we wouldn't take the kids (my oldest will be 7 by then and my youngest will only be 9 months)I don't want to take my eldest out of school for the day and I think it will be a nightmare with 2 kids at a wedding.Anyway I told him we had decided to come without kids,hes fine with me not bringing the baby,but is putting pressure on me to bring my eldest as he wants her to be bridesmaid.I don't really know what to do,part of me thinks stick to my guns shes my daughter if I don't want to take her out of school then I shouldn't feel forced,but then part of me thinks it is his wedding and he wants her as bridesmaid so I'm being mean to say no, what would you do?

FetchezLaVache Wed 01-Feb-17 13:38:32

For me, it depends on whether your DD would actually enjoy being a bridesmaid or not...

Heathen4Hire Wed 01-Feb-17 13:39:51

I would keep your eldest at school. It doesn't sound like she has much of a relationship with her grandad, so I would feel justified keeping her away.

loulouxx Wed 01-Feb-17 13:52:26

Tbh my daughter doesn't really know my dad that well,like I said we only see him a few times a year,We don't know his wife to be that well either and have never met any of her family,all of whom will be at the wedding,My daughter is quite shy so I don't think she would feel comfortable being bridesmaid for someone she barely knows,with 2 other older kids she doesn't know at all

loulouxx Wed 01-Feb-17 13:54:45

Hes just really putting the pressure on,saying we really wanted her to be part of the wedding,and also in the conversation he mentioned about opening an isa and putting a large sum of money in for my daughter,I sort of feel like I'm being bribed?

Gingernaut Wed 01-Feb-17 14:09:42

Tell him if he keeps going on about it, you won't go.

Your child's education is more important than some old geezer she barely knows.

loulouxx Wed 01-Feb-17 14:41:19

Thanks he makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable not wanting to let her be bridesmaid,when its more the not wanting to take her out of
school thing

pocketsaviour Wed 01-Feb-17 17:44:22

also in the conversation he mentioned about opening an isa and putting a large sum of money in for my daughter,I sort of feel like I'm being bribed?

Yes, you feel like that because it IS a bribe, and an obvious one.

Don't give in. TBH I wouldn't go yourself. It doesn't sound like he brings anything positive to your or your DDs lives.

loulouxx Thu 02-Feb-17 12:49:10

I don't really want to go tbh but he will kick off

Gingernaut Thu 02-Feb-17 14:48:45

Do you need an inheritance?

Do you need anything he's got?

Does he have form for outrageous behaviour?

Your 'father' (using the term loosely there) hasn't gone out of his way to remain close to his first family and now he wants a big show of 'Happy Families' in front of his new In-Laws.

You barely have contact and he's virtually a stranger to your daughter.

YADNBU if you say "No".

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