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Play fighting

(36 Posts)
Kaw85 Wed 01-Feb-17 10:47:27

Hey guys just need advise. I started seeing a guy, pay his rent for him and basically do everything for him after a month I felt I couldn't trust him. He was messaging loads of girls etc. Got really funny about any make friends I have. I have come from a relationship with 2 beautiful little ones from my previous relationship and I thought this guy was perfect as he has a child too.

Well I questioned him.he needed it but wanted me to still be his friend and me to still stay over etc. Now we get on really well but he has started play fighting to the point he is really hurting Me with loads of bruises of hit back but playfully where as he gets harder. We stopped having sex also as I was getting confused. For a month but twice now we have after play fighting then him saying it's a one off. He doesn't want me dating but doesn't want to be with me.

I just need advise what to do as I never had so many bruises from him play fighting and he'll also do wrestling moves on me. What is he wants????

AuntieStella Wed 01-Feb-17 10:51:26

Never mind what he wants, what do you want?

Play fighting is only fun if you both think it's fun, you don't and he still won't cut it out or rein it in significantly.

Also, are the girls very young? I hope they are of age, but even so, that's a bit off.

It sounds as if he wants a selection of FWB at best, and possibly just NSA.

If you're not up for that, then he really doesn't sound right for you.

Ilovecaindingle Wed 01-Feb-17 10:53:28

Play fighting aside - why the hell do you pay his rent???

Kaw85 Wed 01-Feb-17 11:04:17

When I met him he was struggling so I said I I'd help out and he said he would pay me back. But this has been going on now for 4 months. When I say I need to to stop this he takes our friendship for granted etc. He has ago and says I will leave him in the shit, so I feel awful! If I don't do what he wants he won't speak to me. But we're not together I'm not his gf but he acts like I am!

He left his job as he wasn't happy in it and he blames me for not having money but I work full time and do all this running around. my little ones are 2 and 4 he's never met them as I wasn't going to let him in to my family.

In my head though play fighting is tickles and slapping not full blown punches I am really tiny and he's 6ft 2in. It's very confusing sorry

AllPowerfulLizardPerson Wed 01-Feb-17 11:07:55

You need to tell him 'I've tided you over for 4 months and can no longer afford it. I need you to start repaying me'

Repeat as often as necessary.

Unfortunately, I think this means that shortly you won't be seeing him for dust and you'll have write the money off. But that's better than throwing good money after bad.

Olympiathequeen Wed 01-Feb-17 11:09:48

What the hell are you doing with anyone who hits you and leaves bruises! Ffs bruising someone is not playing! To hell with him. Get him out of your life straight away, he is toxic

SavoyCabbage Wed 01-Feb-17 11:14:52

You thought he was perfect but now you can see that he is not at all perfect. It does not sound like a good relationship at all to me. Don't settle for this.

BarbarianMum Wed 01-Feb-17 11:16:00

You think a guy who is punching you, who controls you and who you have to subsidise is perfect for you? shock Are you quite, quite mad? He's abusing you. Tell him to fuck off and then never, ever have contact with him again.

What is confusing is why you are letting him treat you like this. Have you been in abusive relationships before?

Secretlife0fbees Wed 01-Feb-17 11:20:33

Not only what everyone else said but you're also spending money on him instead of on your own children?? This can't be real.

Kaw85 Wed 01-Feb-17 11:26:59

I thought he was perfect I don't so much now. My previous relationship ship for 5 years was anot abusive relationship and he knows this.

He said he doesn't want me dating as I will get a boyfriend and he won't let me hang out with him. He plays around saying things that'll upset me but he says it's all banter.

The girls he chats to are 19 he's 33 says they're all interested in him I'm 31.

The issue is I feel like an idiot! As I am not his gf so why am I not saying no more! Thank you everyone though for you advise

Kaw85 Wed 01-Feb-17 11:30:00

Oh my kids come first I have never said I don't spend money on them thank you. I have a lot of money as I have a really good job.

BarbarianMum Wed 01-Feb-17 11:35:24

Get rid of him (if you can bring yourself to do it). Separate to that please spend the money you spend on him seeing a counsellor and talking over why you do let men treat you like this. I'm not saying it's your fault you are abused (it isnt) but for some reason you are vulnerable to bad men. Until you sort this you will never be safe and neither is your child.

Secretlife0fbees Wed 01-Feb-17 11:37:45

Honestly I am not surprised you are feeling like an idiot. I'm sorry to be harsh but he is making a complete fool out of you..... and spending money that you could be using to give your children an even better life/future.. you should put them first.

Fallonjamie Wed 01-Feb-17 11:54:21

I think you need to get a grip and put an end to it.

CockacidalManiac Wed 01-Feb-17 11:57:30

He's a tool. He's a scrounger, he's stealing your money and now he's hitting you under the guise of 'play fighting' (which is what little children do).
For fucks sake, get rid of him.

BottleBeach Wed 01-Feb-17 12:11:15

OP, I find it a little difficult to understand your posts. Could you clarify this point please?

We stopped having sex also as I was getting confused. For a month but twice now we have after play fighting then him saying it's a one off.

This sounds like you stopped having sex with him because you were upset, but after a month you had sex again, after he hit you hard enough to cause bruising. And that he said this was a one off, but it happened twice? Did you want to have sex? Or did you only agree because he hurt you?

Rockluvvindad Wed 01-Feb-17 12:22:21

You need to LTB. He's going to drag you down and destroy you emotionally and financially, and by the sound of it physically.

KinkyAfro Wed 01-Feb-17 12:35:23

Fuck him off, he's using you, take your kids away from this scum

AnyFucker Wed 01-Feb-17 12:41:31

Dear God

SparklyMagpie Wed 01-Feb-17 12:42:43

What you do here is STOP paying his rent/giving him money! I can't believe you even paid this when you just started seeing each other. I love to help people but would I fuck be paying someone's rent I've known for 2 seconds!!

And you walk away, he's 100% taking the piss and using you!

Do yourself a favour and drop him QUICK!

SparklyMagpie Wed 01-Feb-17 12:46:02

I actually can't believe you've been giving him your hard earned money, seriously?!

Whilst he's a lowlife who can't be arsed to get himself a job and spends all his time chatting to other woman, and you allow him to sponge off you and treat you like this

Dear God woman get some self respect!
I wouldn't even say anything to him, I'd cut contact and I would NOT be passing any money over, whether it's for rent or whatever shit he needs. He's responsible for himself, not you!!

What a joke hmm

kalinkafoxtrot45 Wed 01-Feb-17 12:49:05

He sounds bloody dangerous. Stop giving him money, cut contact and seek support. It's worrying that you even have to ask if this is okay.

WifeyFish Wed 01-Feb-17 13:00:18

Jesus OP you need to wise up a bit. I think the play fighting is the least of your worries!

Why on earth are you paying the bills for someone you barely know? Any reasonable person would be embarrassed to have someone they've just met paying their rent, not quitting their job and demanding hand outs. I strongly suspect if you cut the cashflow he'll get bored and find some other poor sap to sponge off of and you'll be all the better if he does. This is not a relationship OP.

RaisinsAndApple Wed 01-Feb-17 14:10:32

Photograph the bruises, contact the police, stop paying his anything, cut contact, call Women's Aid, do the Freedom Programme.

This is an abusive relationship. He is a bastard.

PoorYorick Wed 01-Feb-17 17:02:56

Jesus wept. Get out of this violent controlling non relationship which you bankroll. What on earth keeps you with this bellend?

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