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Have I done the right thing?(5 Posts)
I suppose I just need some advice from people not involved. 10 days ago I cut off all contact with my mum. I have many reasons, my main one is my kids.
My DS was born in 2011 since then she has been to visit my house around 10 times, whilst demanding I go and visit her. My DD she has only met once last January before she ran off to a different country.
I call her a 'facebook nan' she is liking all the pictures, commenting how much she loves the kids, how much she loves being a nan etc but it never actually happens in real life.
In the past 12 months, she has messaged me numerous times to support her during all her problems, stressed and worries and I have always been a shoulder for her. But none of her messages ask about my kids, how school is, is baby crawling etc nothing.
My final straw came in November, I messaged to ask what she wanted to do about Christmas for the kids. She doesn't reply. So I message again. Mid December, she replay saying can I buy something for them and she will send they money on pay day in a couple of days. I couldn't as had just done all our own Christmas shopping, so said I don't mind waiting until her payday. Then I hear nothing from her at all. 8pm Christmas Eve I get a messaged from my nan (moved abroad also to the same place my mum is) basically saying my mum has no money, she's really embarrassed, but my nan will send something on her behalf.
This was after my mum had share links to watch a nightclub webcam she was in about a week earlier.
I'm annoyed, but I thank them both and get on with Christmas.
Don't hear much from her over Christmas or New year apart from a video chat in the early hours of her crying she missed me for 5 mins.
Then my DD birthday is on the 12th of Jan. I message and suggest she gets her a gift card if she wants to get her a present. She replays with a sounds good. Her birthday comes and nothing. Not even a card for her 1st birthday. I'm absolutely livid but I give her a chance and wait a few days in case she realises.
21st of Jan I had enough and removed all of the ways she has of contacting me, which aren't many. It's been 10 days and nothing has been mention by my nan so I assumed she hasn't noticed.
Am I being really dramatic, I'm starting to doubt myself now
Sorry this was so long and rambling, hope it made sense xxx
Hi OP, based on what you've said, I also would just want her out of my life. Not even caring about her own dgd 1st birthday... I would just forget her. What are you going to say when your Nan asks you?
Why did you even message her to tell her what to get for your dd's birthday in the first place?
My MIL is the same and I used to get so angry on my dc's behalf and even angry for my dh. In the end I just let it go, if she remembers their bdays or not it doesn't have any affect on me whatsoever - my dc don't know her apart from seeing her occasionally at family dos. If she rings the house it's usuallly to talk about herself so I just make an excuse and end the call.
You don't need that kind of toxic person in your life. It's easier for me as I don't have any emotional connection to my MIL so I don't ever even think about her (she used to wind me up terribly - I think that's because I saw her as some sort of threat, like my dh was going to force me to let her have the kids or something).
Can't you just never contact her at all, rather than making a big statement of blocking her - I just think that would be less stressful for you in the end.
I am very sorry OP it is an absolutely devastating situation to be in and I agree with PP. Its toxic.
Do not doubt yourself, you have done the right thing to cut contact. Stick to it. You already know that the validation you need from her will never come. It soul destroying.
It is great you can keep up the relationship with Gran. I would suggest to enjoy that and do not even bring up the subject of your mother with her.
Its sad but you need to heal and only time (and silence, distance, not being constantly disappointed and let down) will help.
Thanks both of you, if my nan ask I will tell her the truth and give her my reasons. If she doesn't like it do be it. I don't know why I messaged about her birthday, I suppose it was to make sure she couldn't say 'you never mentioned anything' blah blah. Which she would.
I have already blocked/removed her from everything possible. Mainly to stop me going to back and forgiving her again.
I haven't mentioned it to my nan, and I'm hoping it won't happen anytime soon as I can see her siding with my mum. But what will be will be I suppose. My kids come first.
Thanks again, I feel better now people outside the situation agree!
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