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Bored and guilty

(4 Posts)
Sugarsparklefairy Tue 31-Jan-17 20:45:17

Been with oh since we were teenagers, (when we was very young I did have affairs, he found out about a few of them, we split and ended up back together within 2 years) we then grown up, and have got a young child, house etc.

I have been trying to ignore my feelings and not admit it - but I just know he isn't the one. Now we are adults and being 'grown up' i have realised we are different people, with different interests, different parenting ideas, different plans in the future etc. I don't think he has even thought about this and recognises it though.

He works very hard for our family. I do nag him a lot with housework etc which he gets annoyed with but so do I. I am fed up of telling the same things al the time. He thinks I am over the top with keeping things tidy and have OCD. I do not, and think I am just normal and what's wrong with keeping our things we have worked so hard for in good condition to keep them as long as possible.

He thinks his family are the best, and mine are weird. . My family aren't quite normal and don't do things the same as most people but they love me and that's that. He can be quite rude sometimes, when I am always so good to his family and have made good relationships with them.

Anyway, more to the paint, I am bored of our relationship, I know I do not want to be with him for the rest of my life. I'm not even 30 yet. Our sex life is non existent- maybe partly my fault as I just don't find him attractive at all. I can barely kiss him. He never shows any affection to me neither tho. He will never hug me, sit next to me, touch me, look into my eyes, tell me I look nice etc. He smells, he farts, picks his nose and he acts like a pig. And so bad with money.

His personality really grates on me. The way he's always right when most of the times he's not. Can't argue tho cos he's so stubborn and doesn't listen..

I'm not the brightest person but he can be so thick sometime there's no point having a conversation with him. Any debate turns into a argument and he can't even argue properly cos he talks nonsense! He also gets stressed so easily and there's no making him feel better. He's so grumpy and we just don't have fun anymore.

I feel I jist hate everything he does and wish he would just leave me or find someone else to save me from running his life. As he is not the person to ever have an affair or look at anyone else. Nor will he ever admit we have problems. It's like he's just happy to carry on however bad things get. I feel so guilty and trapped because I can't split up with him as he would be devastated, he has no where or money to go and would end up living with his parents with nothing. I don't think he would ever meet anyone ever again either as he just not that sort of guy. He's is a great dad to our child (although sometimes has no idea how to handle some situations which has led to our child ruling the roost and she gets away with everything!) and I feel like I should stay with him for our child's sake. I don't want it to be my fault if we separated.

Also would my life be any better if we did separate? I wouldn't be able to work and I wouldn't see anyone. Does anyone want to go near a young single mother even if I was able to meet anyone which would be unlikely as I am always with the little one.

I wish some other woman would come seduce him so I knew.he has someone else to go too. Or he would split up with me but it's never going to happen. I don't want to be the bad person tho. What makes this even more complicated is, my sister is married to his brother so we are all very much a big family.and they would all hate me.

I have rambled on and this make sense I'm sorry any advise or wise words would be appreciated.

pallasathena Wed 01-Feb-17 06:24:43

Its no way to live though is it? If you can't leave, then make plans to get yourself trained or educated in a field that has real career potential. Plan for the future. It will arrive before you know it.

TataEs Wed 01-Feb-17 07:07:29

u are young. you should leave. make a plan to leave. you can't stay with someone who makes u unhappy just because you don't want to be the bad guy.
i study from home to be a TA as it would fit with childcare/holidays, is that something you would consider? when the time comes you would at least get a job that made childcare less of an issue and subsequently more affordable.
it doesn't have to be an ugly break up. sounds like you are in similar places really. men are lazy in relationships ime, they'll only proactively leave if there's something else on offer, so once he's over the initial shock maybe he'll see it's better all round?

DistanceCall Wed 01-Feb-17 11:41:09

Leave. You don't love him, and never have. Cut your losses (and his).

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