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Single mum starting to date

(4 Posts)
user1485892862 Tue 31-Jan-17 20:19:38

Sorry if I'm in the wrong place, or if this question has already been asked, I'm new to this and don't have a lot of people around me i can talk to so here goes...

I'm a single mum to my gorgeous 3 year old boy and I'm currently attempting to date but wondering how other people manage. Although I'm still on great terms with my ex, he only has our son for a full weekend once every 4 to 6 weeks and that's it. Although I have attempted to get him to have him more he lives around 50 miles away, and works weird shifts (same job as when we were together) so he only gets one full weekend every one in 4 to 6 weeks. Im kind of seeing a guy (kind of as its proving very difficult!) who doesn't have kids. He asks to see me evenings during the week, but I'm basically tied to my house once ds is in bed (around 7) and the same at weekends. I have family around me but they have their own children and i just feel bad asking people to watch ds just so that i can go and see a guy, if that makes sense? Ds is my number one priority, but when i try to explain that I'm not someone who can just leave their kid with anyone, and i only trust a handful of people, i feel like I'm making excuses. I really want to start going out but after being used to just depending on myself and no one else i feel like I'm asking people too much to watch him. It would only ever be for one or maybe two nights a week if that, which i guess on the grand scheme of things isn't bad but i feel awful for even considering it and having a whinge about it.

I honestly feel like I'm trapped and that I'm going to be stuck doing the same thing for the next 15 years, which i hate feeling, as ds is so not a burden and i could never imagine my life without him. I just don't understand how people do it.

Sorry for boring you all lol hope someone can explain this whole thing to me :-) t.i.a

formerbabe Tue 31-Jan-17 20:22:46

Can you ask one of your family members with DC to babysit in return for you babysitting for them?


Can you afford to pay a babysitter?

user1485892862 Tue 31-Jan-17 20:30:10

I can ask family but i feel like I'm putting on them even though they know ill happily return the favour. Theyve got 3 kids and 4 kids between them so i feel kinda bad adding another into their mix just so i can go out. To them I'm the one with it easy (which i get since i only have one) Weekends aren't too much of an issue more than during the week. Am i wrong for wanting to go out one night during the week? I don't know :-s I can afford a babysitter, but then how do you go about finding one that you can trust? I don't know a lot of people that might have kids old enough, and then its trusting someone with him arrghhhhh. Sorry I'm driving myself nuts even thinking about it all. And clearly I'm waffling too (sorry for the length!)

jeaux90 Tue 31-Jan-17 21:12:29

Ok you are entitled to develop your own life. I'm a single mum too.

So if you can adopt a swap system with your family so there is a reciprocal arrangement and they get to go out too is one idea. Another one is to ask at your dc nursery or playgroup whether they know any baby sitters. My daughter is 7 and there are TA's etc that will happily do it. There is also a baby sitting website a lot of posters on here use but I haven't as yet.

My dd is my priority too, but so is my career and my own life and identity! Xxx

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