DP and I got together officially over a year ago, but have been seeing each other for 2 years, it first started right after he broke up with this woman. It was intended as a FWB/fling type situation but it developed more than expected. We worked together (still do, though only working in the same team twice a week ish), so had been friends for a while and hung out just the two of us a few times, but it genuinely was never even really flirty until after they broke up. He was pretty wounded by her, tbh, so I'm not sure why I'm even surprised at what's happened after. I had no idea how strongly he felt until way after their break up, tbh.
3 or so months into being official he told her he still loved her while drunk, broke up with me the next day, fully planned for them to be together again but changed his mind, a few days later came to my doorstep crying his eyes out that he'd made a massive mistake, we slowly worked back to being together. Given the circumstances of how hard their break-up had been for him (when we were just FWB/friends I was there for him a lot), and how it was early days with us as a couple, I felt like I understood the 'lapse' in judgement so to speak because these things can be difficult and it can be hard adjusting, whatever.
Anyway, last week he started acting very strangely, told me it was to do with family and I believed that as stuff's happened recently that's been pretty shit, plus I saw him sending his mum massively long texts, so I just dismissed it as a few off days. We had a huge argument about how withdrawn and horrible he was being to me and I asked if he had spoken to the ex because he was acting exactly how he had last time he decided he wanted to be back with her. He said no, it's just family stuff. She's not involved.
Yesterday out of the blue she sent me a screenshot of a text he sent. Her text said 'why are you doing this when you're in love with someone else'. His reply was 'I still love you'. And then, is there any possibility in the future of them getting back together. She said not as long as he's with me. He said 'just answer the question'.
His justification was he had a dream about her, it brought back painful memories (similar excuse to last time, tbh), he made a spur of the moment reckless decision, spoke to his mum about it, realised how stupid he was being and that he loved & wanted to be with me more than anything and stopped talking to her.
The first time it happened I was fucking devastated, it made me so ridiculously miserable, it sounds stupid but I genuinely felt it hurt me more than any other relationship issue has in the past even though it was so early days. I just have had incredibly strong feelings for him for a long time. but now I just feel so numb and blank. We have been so so happy in the past few months. I never thought it'd happen again. We've got two holidays booked in the next few months. 90% of my friends are his friends. We don't live together, but it was on the cards in the next few months. I just feel blank and numb. He keeps messaging me, telling me he loves me, he's so sorry, all what you'd expect. Cried on the phone when he explained what'd happened, told me he only wants me forever and doesn't know why he keeps sabotaging things.
I know what's going to be said, but still :(
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Relationships
DP told his ex he still loves her.
Sss506 · 31/01/2017 17:24
Fuck the holidays, fuck the friends and fuck the time you've put into the relationship get rid
You deserve someone that knows how much they love and care about you. Someone that doesn't have feelings for someone else.
Someone who doesn't bloody cry to try and get out of whatever they've done.
You're awesome and he sucks.
Don't be a mug!
Imagine writing this post in one year, five years etc. The prospect of that is grim.
Put yourself first- get rid of him and make a plan for yourself, like a top ten list of what you'd like to do.
The option girlfriend comment is spot on. It screws with your head. Keep us updated
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You're not a mug. You are a person who is in love with someone who is not worthy.
Please please listen though when I say you are worth so much more than this. There is someone out there who will know how lucky they are to have you.
Sorry you have had to go through this OP
Leave the two of them to sort their mess out with your head held high
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