Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Untrustworthy boyfriend?

(44 Posts)
GemmaRalph Tue 31-Jan-17 16:15:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether Tue 31-Jan-17 16:19:02

He sounds horrible and I would judge him by his horrible friends, too.

How come he's going out every Saturday night with his mates when you've just got back together? What are you doing in that time?

SaorAlbaGuBrath Tue 31-Jan-17 16:19:47

Snooping and checking up on him is a bit weird to be honest. If you can't trust him, leave him, but don't degrade yourself by checking where he's been and questioning bar managers.

GemmaRalph Tue 31-Jan-17 16:24:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Checkthisout Tue 31-Jan-17 16:27:28

If no one checked their partners phones or what not, then so many couples would still be together (whilst the oh continued to cheat, not being caught because apparently it's more morally wrong to check someone's phone than it is to cheat on someone!).

Patriciathestripper1 Tue 31-Jan-17 16:31:15

Do you live together?

esk1mo Tue 31-Jan-17 16:31:37

why did he initiate breaking up in the first place? it sounds as though he is acting single on nights out tbh, and is happy to play boyfriend during the week.

Huskylover1 Tue 31-Jan-17 16:37:08

It's not clear, whether the friend means "fuck that girl you picked up" or, "fuck Gemma", as in get rid of you. You really need to see the messages that went before, which I'm guessing have been deleted? I would keep quiet and keep checking the phone, tbh. If the conversation continues, you may get some context. Don't feel guilty for checking his phone! I was continually cheated on by ExH, and the only way I uncovered his affair with the best friend, was by doing just that. I have no feelings of guilt!

Huskylover1 Tue 31-Jan-17 16:37:37

* my best friend

Hissy Tue 31-Jan-17 17:23:35

I'd say the message was encouraging the boyf to fuck someone else, the "then if it all goes tits up with Gemma" refers to them camping out at someone's house... potentially the "fuck her"

Whatever it is, you genuinely don't need to know, he's not cherishing you, he's not making time for you and clearly he's sailing very close to the cheating wind...

He's not decent boyf material.

Just fuck HIM up and bin him. No excuse, no reason, just that you're not going to be with him anymore.

That's bound to stick in his craw.

GemmaRalph Tue 31-Jan-17 17:26:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 Tue 31-Jan-17 17:55:17

He's embarrassing you & you're embarrassing yourself by snooping. Just get rid, he's a player

Ilovecaindingle Tue 31-Jan-17 18:02:29

He split up because he wanted to shag about but have you waiting on the sidelines - you took him back but he is still doing it. . Be glad you found out before you moved in together. . Sorry but you need rid ASAP.

FatOldBag Tue 31-Jan-17 18:06:58

I'd interpret the text the same as you did, and I think he probably took the advice too. You're flogging a dead horse with this loser, he's not acting like he's serious at all.

AnyFucker Tue 31-Jan-17 18:09:57

You don't know what to do ?

Seriously ? confused

ihatethecold Tue 31-Jan-17 18:18:22

She isn't embarrassing herself by reading his texts.
What a mean thing to say!

YouHadMeAtCake Tue 31-Jan-17 18:18:31

AnyFucker said what I was about to say, You know exactly what to do Op, get rid of that low life PoS and find someone decent.

Surreyblah Tue 31-Jan-17 18:52:03

Hope you haven't bought a property with him.

fanniboz Tue 31-Jan-17 18:59:03

Agree with pps. What good will come from it now? You know in your heart what you've seen and what's happened and what will probably be repeated in future. Ditch him and find someone who deserves you. Sorry op flowers

BumDNC Tue 31-Jan-17 19:03:30

The problem in these situations is that the shame of snooping cannot possibly be worse than the fact he's quite likely messing about with other women. It's done now - you can't unsee it neither should you feel bad at this point because your breach of trust was founded on a belief of betrayal and you were correct. If someone frequently snoops on someone for no valid reason then that is wrong. But it's not more wrong than snooping on a concern you have and finding the evidence. You can't pretend you didn't read it now so going forward you have to do what's right for you. Saying nothing means keeping this to yourself and it will ruin your relationship anyway now you know you can't trust him. Confronting him will not be pleasant but it's clear he's not valuing your relationship anymore. He walked away once and this time round will avoid commitment and play the field to see his options. That's not what you want from a partner.

GemmaRalph Tue 31-Jan-17 19:04:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouHadMeAtCake Tue 31-Jan-17 19:10:26

I just want to be sure because if I end it and walk away I need to be 100%

You need to be 100% to stay...and you are not. What have you got to show for the 4 years you have already wasted been with him?

Surreyblah Tue 31-Jan-17 19:15:45

Sunk cost fallacy.

AnyFucker Tue 31-Jan-17 19:23:16

You will never be 100% sure

But you will never trust him again. Because he is not worthy of trust.

For God's sake don't cling on to this piece of shit for the sake of having invested 4 years in him. Now you know where your "investment" has got you. If he was a bank that had lost all your money would you carry on putting your hard earned cash in it ?

Wake. Up.

YouHadMeAtCake Tue 31-Jan-17 20:43:46

Great anology re banking. I secretly love AnyFucker

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: