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SILs death causing family rift - don't know what to do

(4 Posts)
SadfaceSally Tue 31-Jan-17 15:58:46

NC for this but I've been around for a while.

I'm feeling torn in two about this situation. I suppose its more of a rant really, but if anyone can offer any words to help I'd appreciate it.

They say a death brings out the worst in people.

My DH comes from a large family, he's the oldest of 7. Both parents dead, youngest sib now in her 40's.

One of his sisters (lets call her A) died very suddenly a couple of weeks ago. DH is pretty upset about it. I think all the sibs are, because its a complete shock, right out of the blue.

However, one of his other sisters (B) is being very nasty and has unfriended him & another brother (C) on FB.

I'm still FB friends with her and I can see she is posting all sorts of sarcastic memes, obviously aimed at them. She's probably so stupid she hasn't realised they can't see what she posts, but I can, and I'm getting really angry, and upset, about what she's posting.

There's a back story here...
The siblings split into 2 groups many years ago. Part of the reason for this is geographical. B is pretty good friends with the 2 sibs who still live near her, but she hasn't had much to do with the 3 brothers who all moved away.

A & B had a serious falling out some years ago. There's a back story there involving drugs which isn't really relevant. So there is open hostility between them.

All the sibs (except A & B) are on speaking terms (or were, till a couple of days ago) but weren't really close - didn't visit much. We'd chat when we met up a function somewhere, cousin's funeral, that sort of thing.

Now, DH has always tried to stay on good terms with all of them. I think as the oldest he sees himself as a sort of peacemaker. We did both get on well with A, I think out of all the sibs she was his favourite.

What sparked off the current row is that B posted something on FB about her sister dying. Fair enough, you'd think. Naturally she gets messages of sympathy. C then posts a comment about her being a a two-faced cow for pretending to be upset about someone she hasn't seen for years. C knows why A hated B.

So we have a FB slanging match between B & C, then she unfriended him. She has also unfriended my DH, who has posted absolutely nothing. (She knows C & my DH are quite close)

I really, really want to post something on her latest meme about her being a hypocrite, but I don't want to get drawn into an argument which really doesn't concern me.

I am dreading seeing her at the funeral, and I know if she says anything to me I won't be able to contain myself. I don't want it to develop into a fight for the sake of A's family.

I will try my best to be the bigger person and ignore her. But part of me is screaming to get at her in some way. I'm getting worked up just thinking about seeing her.

ImperialBlether Tue 31-Jan-17 16:03:25

Say nothing at all. When you see her at the funeral, say "I'm sorry for your loss" or similar and leave it at that. Don't get involved. However, if you see she's written something insulting about your husband on FB send her a private message asking her to take it down. Don't get into an argument - if she wants a fight, block her.

Hotwaterbottle1 Tue 31-Jan-17 16:03:49

I really think you should unfriend her, no good can come out of you seeing these posts.

SadfaceSally Tue 31-Jan-17 16:23:58

I would like to keep seeing what she posts though. I know she's spinning tails to some of the cousins, blaming the split on the brothers rather than herself. How they are being unreasonable, uncaring etc etc. How its their fault for never keeping in touch. I hate to think how far this poison is spreading.

If I post anything derogatory, she will unfriend me, which will stop me seeing any more unpleasantness. But I will still be imagining what she is posting and that will probably get me worked up even more.

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