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Should I trust him?

(7 Posts)
AliceZZ Tue 31-Jan-17 11:23:48

I've just started seeing this guy and I don't know whether to trust him. Either it's my own reticence at not wanting to get hurt because he seems so great and that's my past talking.... or it is an intuition. I don't know which it is.

So, basically he's very charming and we get on really well. He's also really good-looking and we are on the same wave length. However, should I consider the following things as alarm bells?:
He works in a university halls so is surrounded by uni students. He's just changed his shift to the evening (finishing at midnight) with the logic that he will be able to spend the day time on his business. I don't know what his job is exactly and he's managed to evade answering it. His business he's setting up sounds great, he says he's been working on it for five years and will be launching it in the next couple of months.
We met for a drink and then on the way back he said he was going to drop something off at work on the way back home (it was 11pm) and that a student's phone was locked in the office or something along those lines. His working hours are really confusing and it's not the first time he's just popped into work for an hour or so on his day off.
We had a really nice time and he's not pushy or over complimenting or anything like that, just very chilled and open that he's interested. He mentioned a story though about making a nasty comment to his older sister because she was being difficult in the conversation, which I would never dream of doing (and if I did wouldn't be mentioning it).
Other then these things he's great... I don't know whether I'm just thinking he's too good-looking for me and trying to find ways to distance myself as to not get hurt, or whether these are warning signs. Usually my intuition is really strong but this time I'm unsure as to whether my thoughts are clouding it and destroying something potentially really good.

piefacerecords Tue 31-Jan-17 11:32:07

How long exactly have you been seeing him?

Personally I wouldn't trust anybody until I'd known them a while anyway and they'd proved themselves 'worthy' smile.

But it doesn't sound to me like he's doing anything that strange. There could be all sorts of reasons why he hasn't told you what he does for a job - maybe if his hours are weird and it's up to him to go in late at night to sort things out, he could be a caretaker and feel a bit embarrassed about it because it doesn't sound very impressive? I would just ask him outright exactly what his job is. If he won't answer then I would tell him you're not going to get very far if he won't tell you basic things about himself - and see what he says.

The business he's setting up could be all genuine or not, only time will tell and it's up to you if you stick around long enough to find out.

If your instincts are telling you to be wary, listen to them though. Maybe just keep him at a bit of a distance until he has done/said enough to put your mind at ease.

user892 Tue 31-Jan-17 11:33:40

He's shady about his business and said something nasty to his sister. I'd bail out - he's meant to be impressing you and this is his best.

TheNaze73 Tue 31-Jan-17 13:27:51

I don't think people should go out of their way to impress as the foundations will be built on a lie.

Anyway, people earn trust, it takes me years. I'm often mistaken for being aloof & not into people but, I'm head over heart everytime. It may be worth reading about the 4 Stages of trust. Good luck

Lovemusic33 Tue 31-Jan-17 13:38:39

If something doesn't feel right then chances are it's not right, your instincts are usually right.

user892 Wed 01-Feb-17 10:30:04

"I don't think people should go out of their way to impress as the foundations will be built on a lie."

Who said he should lie? When I said "he's meant to be impressing you", I mean in the beginning of a relationship you show your best points and share your achievements. This isn't lying.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Wed 01-Feb-17 10:55:42

Alice, listen to your spidey senses, and move on.

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