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Need to stop slipping into old patterns with family

(1 Post)
HashiAsLarry Mon 30-Jan-17 18:47:36

This is long, sorry.

6 years ago was a massive time for my family. DD was born, DM got ill and years of brewing tensions have led to my sister and I being NC. This was not before my sister had spread a lot of poison around my family, and largely she has been believed which hurts massively. I don't live near my family so I've been physically able to distance myself at least.

In the time since I've had my eyes opened a little about our relationships. I'm very much viewed as the bad person regardless of the truth of any situation. For instance, despite apologising for my part in our last argument, DF is still pressuring me to restart my relationship with my sister at all costs because that's 'my job' and I should have just accepted my sister's abuse because it was a hard time for her - not for me though apparently hmm.

Unfortunately DM has been diagnosed with cancer. For the last fortnight I've had messages every couple of days telling me to call her from DF for various spurious reasons. I have realised that this does not mean DM wants me to call her we've actually spoken nearly every day since her diagnosis and she's always confused as to what I'm talking about. This was confirmed when he tried to relay a conversation I'd already had with DM and was shocked because in his mind I haven't spoken to her.

I feel a little like I'm being set up to be the bad guy again here. Today I snapped which isn't going to help. All the progress I made shoring myself up and recognising when DF wasn't saying what he was meaning no clue what he was meaning mind you has flown out the window. Old habits are hard to break I suppose. How do I not fall into these traps?

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