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DH does his hobby constantly yet has the cheek to be moody with me beccause we're living separate lives??

(56 Posts)
RubyDoobey Mon 30-Jan-17 17:23:59

He does is hobby every Saturday from 8am until at least 7pm. Often the hobby is done on a Sunday too for similar hours. Plus random evenings in the week.

He's had the audacity yesterday to be in a bad mood because 'we're living separate lives'. He is moody because he likes to go to bed at 9 or 10pm every night, even weekends, as his hobby is tiring. I prefer to go to bed a bit later, usually between 11 and 12.

He won't take any responsibility for the fact that he's out all the time, leaving me to deal with the DCs (aged 7 and 12) alone. When he does have any time not at work and not out doing his hobby he never wants to do anything nice with us all anyway, and is moody and tired and grumpy.

I'm fuming with him!

Adora10 Mon 30-Jan-17 17:28:18

He sounds a joy not.

Bed at 9 at the weekends, jesus, how boring is he.

Sorry but I'd have to tell him straight OP, he either partakes in family life or he can have the single one.

He also doesn't see you as equals, he thinks your job is to do the shit whilst he swans off doing his hobby, that's not an equal respectful relationship, it's him being selfish and then blaming you for it when you dare to complain, fuck that, it sounds depressing.

RubyDoobey Mon 30-Jan-17 17:30:02

It is depressing. Very depressing.

He literally sucks the joy out of everything by either being busy with his hobby, moaning, being tired, or not wanting to participate.

I've told him that he can move out if he's not willing to participate in family life but he thinks he's a great father and that I'm unreasonable and causing trouble!

BikeRunSki Mon 30-Jan-17 17:30:55

Is he a cyclist???

ImperialBlether Mon 30-Jan-17 17:32:00

During which hours is he a good father? And does he think he's a good husband?

Adora10 Mon 30-Jan-17 17:36:08

So what is he proposing then OP, date nights? A night away? What exactly cos it sounds like he's doing buggar all.

RubyDoobey Mon 30-Jan-17 17:37:26

He's not a good father during any hours in my opinion. I think he thinks he is a good husband too, yes, and that I should be grateful for being with him. Which makes me even more fucking angry.

Whenever I try to discuss things he deflects things back at me. For example if I say he's doing too many hours at his hobby and that it's not fair on me he'll bring back an example of when I left my socks on the bedroom floor 5 years ago and he had to pick them up so therefore I leave him to pick up all the slack. Then he calls me a nag...

RubyDoobey Mon 30-Jan-17 17:38:08

Nope, he's not proposing a thing. He's always too tired to have nights out with me, or is busy with his hobby.

AnotherEmma Mon 30-Jan-17 17:40:30

LTB. Obviously.

Adora10 Mon 30-Jan-17 17:45:10

I think you need to tell him if things don't change, you're off, he sounds awful, how do you converse with that?

heymammy Mon 30-Jan-17 17:46:23

So, to me it sounds like his actual 'problem' is that you aren't going to bed at the same time as him, therefore he has little chance of getting the sex. He is just dressing it up as separate lives because he is being a dick.

ImperialBlether Mon 30-Jan-17 17:48:37

How would you feel if you lived separately from him, OP?

AnotherEmma Mon 30-Jan-17 17:48:51

I think you've hit the nail on the head. He doesn't want to spend any quality time with the OP or children, doesn't want to do his share of childcare or housework, but still expects sex. It seems as if he sees the OP as some kind of domestic and sex slave. It's so disrespectful.

tobedo Mon 30-Jan-17 17:53:07

So if you split up, how will he manage the kids every other weekend?

Ask him.

scurryfunge Mon 30-Jan-17 17:53:41

I agree, Heymammy has sussed him out. This is about you falling in to line with his wants, needs, demands with total disregard for you and the children. If you suddenly developed a time consuming hobby that took hours and hours over the weekend, would he be so accommodating?

RubyDoobey Mon 30-Jan-17 18:03:16

I think Heymammy has indeed hit the nail on the head!

Yesterday morning I was feeling really unwell with a sore throats and flu symptoms and he started pawing away at me early in bed then got the hump when I said I wasn't well, which set his mood up for the day really!

He's even taken a day off work today to do his hobby, when he wouldn't even take a day off after I'd had DC2 and was weak and ill!

AnotherEmma Mon 30-Jan-17 18:04:23

He is a prize twat. LTB already.

Whatssheonaboutnow Mon 30-Jan-17 18:12:55

Does he play golf OP?

He doesn't give a hoot whether you're living separate lives or not, does he. This is all about not getting sex before he dozes off in his early nights. What a wanker!

Does he have any redeeming features? confused

expatinscotland Mon 30-Jan-17 18:18:45

Jesus, what a cunt.

RubyDoobey Mon 30-Jan-17 18:21:19

I do plan to LTB at some point but for now I shall disengage and show him what fucking separate lives looks like!

321zerobaby Mon 30-Jan-17 18:25:26

I think we need to know the hobby before we can advise.

expatinscotland Mon 30-Jan-17 18:29:02

'I think we need to know the hobby before we can advise.'

No, we don't. She's given enough detail to where it's known that the hobby completely compromises family life and 'tires' him but not enough to where he would forgo sex before he gets his head down.

HelenDenver Mon 30-Jan-17 18:31:15

Utter pollock

scurryfunge Mon 30-Jan-17 18:35:34

Ha ha ha at needing to know the hobby!

Garnethair Mon 30-Jan-17 18:36:27

I'm always distracted by the 'hobby' in these threads. Is he a football referee OP?

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