Help

[Gohackyourself]

I don't know where to unjumble the thoughts to write this down so I apologise.

I feel a wreck atm-
I split with an awful man 3 years ago after ten years together and a ds.
I managed to pick myself up an start again an become stronger.
I met a lovely man 9 months ago , we now live together, he is everything my ex wasn't.
But I am always worrying I don't compare to his ex who he split with a second time last year after she had cheated on him.

On a separate note my father who is now retired and has no financial or in fact any worries aside from health niggles- always seems to use me as a verbal punchbag when things go wrong.
He kindly offered to take an collect my son from school daily but now almost makes it feel too much with a health niggle.
His 25 yr relationship with his wife (my mother walked out on us all when I was 7) has always been v v rocky, no love etc.when it goes wrong I seem to walk into it and become the person he rants and raves at about his life.yet from my position and view and all the people around him he has a fantastic retirement , with no worries. But his behaviour is toxic an draining to my sibling and I.every small hurdle is s drama and we gotta hear it.
I've never rang him or seen him happy with no issues.

My job is ok but it's in a public service so very stressful, fast paced an can be dangerous.im not enjoying the job anymore though but my position , pay and conditions make it hard for me to leave.

I'm now also trying to start diy divorce proceedings but any interaction with the ex over anything ends in bitter words between us.
He's got a new gf and ready made family and doesn't want to contribute his time or monies correctly.

I'm just so bloody angry and upset all of the time of late.
I should be at a happier point in my life but just lately I wanna be left alone.just do what I want.im even wondering if I'm fixed enough to continue the work/effort an energy required for a relationship.

I just feel so broken, I'm irritable , the slightest thing sends me off on a rant or irritable - everywhere I look it just seems better for everyone else.
I know I have s.a.d in winter months but this is on top of that.

Anyone get insight as to what's happening to me it my thoughts and feelings? I've had to make an excuse up today not to go into work as I just can't face it.

[pallasathena]

Can you take a sabbatical? You probably need to take some time out just to recharge your batteries. A good holiday might just do the job but it needs to be something pretty special and for at least two/three weeks with a bit of sunshine thrown in to deal with the SAD.
You're obviously feeling very overwhelmed with everything. That suggests to me the need to sit down and do a personal assessment or audit of the positives/negatives/neutrals in your life. From this, you'll be able to pinpoint changes necessary for your future wellbeing.
Sometimes, the best place to start with re-shaping your life in a positive fashion is to sign up for some professional counselling.

[Gohackyourself]

Thank you.
There's defiantly no chance of a sunny sabactical!
Nice thought though.

I just don't know how to get past these angry feelings.
I need a plan.i like having a plan to get me out of a hole.

I've had dips into counselling due to incidents at work which have briefly explored other things but it's just talking therepy and the answer lies within yourself.i also need counselling today or tomorrow not an appointment in 3 weeks :-(

It's like I need a plan on how to cope with these shitty people.
I tried practising a mantra when I receive a shitty mail or hear my father moaning but it doesn't see me through that moment.

[Emmageddon]

There's a few online CBT course you can do, that might help, called MoodGYM. It's Australian and is an interactive self-help programme. I used it when I was going through a rubbish time and found it an enormous comfort. It will also give you excellent coping mechanisms for dealing with your dad (who is taking out his own unhappiness on you, by the sound of it) and your shitty ex.

Get yourself a notebook as well and write yourself a list of 'to do' things, sometimes seeing it written down can make it seem more manageable.

Good luck and take care