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Bad marriage turned me into a bad mum??

19 replies

lovebug77 · 29/01/2017 20:28

I have been with my parter for 19 years, been married for nearly 11. Over the years we have always had issues, I am quite an emotionally insightful person, thinks before I speak, finds it easy to apologise etc, my husband is more volatile, stubborn, and spiteful when angry. However he is a good man, he is loyal, works hard to provide for his family and tries his best with our children. He has over the years become neglectful and lazy and defensive (which results is major arguing). We have two boys, 5yrs and 2.5years old. We have no sex or sleep in the same room. My youngest sleeps with me(I'm actually quite thankful for that). I do not desire my husband. I feel awful for saying this, but he has put on so much weight on just his belly, he looks 9months pregnant, with a skinny body. He does nothing to try and keep fit. I don't expect a 6 pack, but he isn't even 40 yet. I am not superficial but I think physical attraction is important. He has lost his hair and I'm not bothered in the slightest, because that can't be helped.
Anyway, he always acts tired and is laying down. I also work part time. However I do 100% of the house work, school runs, school work, after school clubs, children parties, food shop, plan the family diary. He has even got that lazy that I find myself clearing up behind him all day every day from picking up his dirty laundry, putting away his dishes/ toiletries after a shave etc. I feel at breaking point. When he comes home, "he's tired". He tired on the weekends, and then short tempered with the boys. He will argue infront of the kids and sat some pretty horrible things. Today he threw our sons empty plastic bowl across the living room infront of my 5year old who was trying to read. Just because my toddler was being abit difficult.
I breakdown and cry to him and tell him that it would be easier if I was dead, and he gets defensive and ends the conversation and walks away. He often doesn't even realise he walks out of the room or picks up his phone when I'm talking to him. He forgets every little thing I tell him. He goes off because he says I nag, but my nagging is just asking him to do his own chores (clearing up after himself). When he's at home, I'm stressed and feel like I'm a bad mum. I'm short tempered with the children or just in my own mind, I feel desperate, frustrated and angry when he's at home and become preoccupied with that feeling. I feel that causes me to neglect my boys. I try and fill my weekends so we are not really at home or at least on our own with the kids. We can't separate, he says all the right thins whenever it comes to that conversation. I know he doesn't mean any of those things too. My boys adore him and would be heart broken if he left. And we can't afford to run two households. I'm stuck

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tricornel · 29/01/2017 20:41

Get thee to CAB. Find out what you would be entitled to, start thinking practical. This relationship is dead in the water, he sounds like a lazy cunt and why the Jeff should you do it all?! What did his last slave die of?!!! There will be a way to manage leaving. Explore your options, seek advice, get your ducks in a row and fuck him off. He sounds entirely feckless! It's no wonder you don't want to shag him!