So DH and I been together 10 years, have twin DSs aged 4. Relationship rocky of late but still good friends and co-parents. Nature of our jobs means that DH does a lot of the childcare/domestic stuff. This has been a fairly recent change (6 months). As far as I was aware he was happy with the arrangement. DM lives opposite end of country from us and has come to visit. She spent an absolute fortune on all manner of things for us. Clothes, cosmetics etc. Very generous but way too over the TOP. Kids fair enough she wants to spoil them but I near enough have a brand new work wardrobe!
After a few days she called me into her room to 'share'. DH had just finished cleaning up after dinner, swept and mopped floors etc whilst I bathed and bedded kids (DM hasn't really seen him being as domesticated prior to this visit due to different circumstances). He doesn't see it as being anything special, just what needs done. So anyhow, she starts going on about how she feels so sorry for DH being stuck at home with the kids a lot whilst I am living the high life- going to work (and I do happen to be going to visit an old Friend for 2 days on my own next weekend) and having the time of my life etc. whilst he will be abandoned with the kids. So the conversation started off being about me going away and what a shame it was for DH. I had actually already been feeling guilty and told her that I feel even shittier now. She was just kind of like oh maybe you shouldn't go, or you should all go together, that wasn't maybe such a foo idea etc. The time away was my Xmas gift from DH (along with a water bottle!) and he has said a number of times that he has no problems with me going- I think he even suggested it on the back of him having been away somewhere. He also on occasion does his hobby for most of Saturday so this was kind of 'my turn'. She then continued about what a shame it was for him now that he has to basically do a wife's job and that he is home with the kids most of the time and that he just seems like a sad man whose only purpose is to clean and take care of the kids (I don't believe this is the case, and I have asked him). I got very upset and started crying which then led into another discussion about how there must be something wrong with me because of being far too emotionally sensitive. She said she feels she can't give me 'constructive criticism' because I will just burst into tears and it is not normal to be like that. She said I obviously have issues within myself and said that I should maybe go and see a psychotherapist/counsellor to help me deal with whatever it is that I have/makes me not normal. She then said that she can't figure out what it is that makes me cry easily and that maybe I'm depressed etc. but this is not normal and so on.
I have never suffered from depression/anxiety (I don't think- I would know, right??). I kind of went along with it saying yeah I def have a problem, I'm damaged etc. And then she said she doesn't think I'm damaged but just need to get a grip. Which is it- I need professional help or I just need to get a grip?? She pointed out that she thinks my problem is only her and if my friends or colleagues said something (I.e.your hair is a mess) I wouldn't cry, but burst into tears whenever it's her.
Then moves back to poor DH having no affection and that I need to go out of my way to make him feel special and loved (cracks in relationship beginning to be visible to others i think) and said we need to make time for each other to avoid being just two people that live together. She has been there etc. and offered to watch the kids for a night and pay for me and DH to have a night away.
The conversation wound up with her saying I should go on my trip, and just put it down to a lesson learned (wtf?) and to not mention anything to DH as she doesn't want him giving her daggers/having a run-in. I gave her a hug and said sorry for doing this (crying for half an hour etc.) and she said don't apologise it's just the way you are.
There have been fallouts in the past. Once before she said she believes I have a deep-seated hatred for her and need Counselling to deal with my issues.
This is a mind-f*ck. Any insight into what is going on here?
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Relationships
Help me figure this out please
cockneylass · 29/01/2017 15:23
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