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The Daily Telegraph dating website and men who select 'assertiveness' as a turn off?

(49 Posts)
ALaughAMinute Sun 29-Jan-17 12:49:44

To be fair the option to select 'assertiveness' as a turn off is there for women as well but having had a quick peep it seems not many women registered on the website choose it whereas a lot of the men do. shock

Can someone tell me what this means apart from the obvious? Does it just mean they are looking for someone sexually submissive and passive or does it mean that in general terms they find confident self-assured assertive women unattractive? Because if that's the case I could be single for a very long time.

Here's the link so you can see for yourself:

dating.telegraph.co.uk/s/find/search.php

uglyflowers Sun 29-Jan-17 13:20:42

It's the Torygraph - those men aren't going to want a strong woman. Get thee to the Guardian dating site.

StiginaGrump Sun 29-Jan-17 13:23:17

It was a category thoughtfully added on by the female programmer to help others avoid twats.

betrayedandwobbly Sun 29-Jan-17 13:23:39

It means that when you look at their profile, you can see that they don't like it and rule them out quickly.

It's useful.

ALaughAMinute Sun 29-Jan-17 13:27:21

Think you might be right there Ugly. grin

The reason I ask is there is a guy on there who I like the look of but unfortunately he's selected assertiveness as one of his turn-offs so I don't think I'll bother registering.confused

ALaughAMinute Sun 29-Jan-17 13:33:13

I can rule them out quickly but it never occurred to me until now just how many men find assertive women unattractive and I am quite shocked.

Shame because the guy I'd got my eye on is hot!

ImperialBlether Sun 29-Jan-17 13:34:42

I suppose it depends how they interpret assertiveness. We all know people who are really stroppy - someone might think that's what's meant there. It's a stupid tick box really as it can so easily be misunderstood.

ALaughAMinute Sun 29-Jan-17 13:38:04

That's what I was thinking Imperial, I thought guys like us to tell them what they want so I'm confused.

Oh well, I don't do passive so they can all fuck off!

ALaughAMinute Sun 29-Jan-17 13:39:19

*thought guys liked us to tell them what we want

Trills Sun 29-Jan-17 13:43:00

^ I thought guys like...^

Different men like different things.

I agree with betrayed that it's a good way of filtering people out.

I don't really care if they genuinely dislike what I would call assertiveness, or if they have a different interpretation of what the word means - I am not interested in them.

ALaughAMinute Sun 29-Jan-17 13:52:22

I agree Trills, I'm not interested either. If they find assertive women
a turn- off it might mean that they are controlling or worse still a potential bully and I certainly don't want that. I want a relationship on equal terms; I don't want to be the underdog.

TheNaze73 Sun 29-Jan-17 15:03:45

I think it's great. Stops a potential mismatch, right at the beginning.
Not all men but, some will see assertive as stroppy. Probably been there, done that & would rather put a camp fire out with their face, than go through all that shit again.
Horses for courses, I think

ALaughAMinute Sun 29-Jan-17 16:34:00

Thank you all for your opinions. I'm beginning to see it as a good thing rather thing having read your replies.

I also agree with you Naze that some of the men have probably had a bad experience in the past so it could be that they don't understand the difference between assertive and aggressive. Or it could be they are worried that an assertive woman could potentially become aggressive. So I can only conclude that they are either unintelligent or they have issues and both are red flags for me.

hefzi Sun 29-Jan-17 16:34:09

I thought "assertive" was a codeword for "dominant"? (In a sexual sense, though I appreciate that OLD isn't like the seedy back pages of a paper, or the small ads in the Speccie grin)

piginboots Sun 29-Jan-17 16:40:42

Tbf I wouldn't want to date a man who defined himself as "assertive". I'd read it as a codeword for bossy arrogant arse.

Not sure how men would read it if a woman called herself that..

ALaughAMinute Sun 29-Jan-17 16:43:17

I don't like men to be overly dominant sexually either Hefzi but I did wonder if that's what it meant. I think I am much more of a dominatrix than a sub tbh so I'd better give those guys a miss. grin

hefzi Sun 29-Jan-17 16:46:11

pig I bet they'd see it as bossy/controlling...

I just did a search out of interest (not dating but Telegraph is one of the papers I read regularly): not many blokes with pictures but one of them is one of my married colleagues shock And he's lied about his age...

The really strange thing about being on Telegraph dating (apart from already having a wifehmm) is that he's a full on TUSC member: thinks Labour are backsliders, and can barely say "Tory" without spitting.

hefzi Sun 29-Jan-17 16:47:02

Laugh grin

piginboots Sun 29-Jan-17 16:55:43

Ooh that's weird, hefzi maybe he's trying to infiltrate the Telegraph Tories for ulterior purposes? Or it's his wife that's the true Trotski and he is rebelling? hmm

Ineedmorelemonpledge Sun 29-Jan-17 17:01:08

It was a category thoughtfully added on by the female programmer to help others avoid twats.

grin bloody fabulous!

NotLadyPrickshit Sun 29-Jan-17 17:27:45

Just had a nosey... this is a guy near me... the rest of his profile isn't any more appealing & I could never date anyone who describes their fashion sense as "my tastes echo long established norms" hmm you need an assertive woman to sort you out into something suitable to date

Lorelei76 Sun 29-Jan-17 17:31:49

Prickshit, perhaps people reject assertivness because they think it means "will try to tell me what to wear".

hefzi Sun 29-Jan-17 17:36:45

pig grin I couldn't see his whole ad without signify up, so maybe they're going all 70s commune again!

ALaughAMinute Sun 29-Jan-17 17:48:37

Yes, that's very strange hefzi. Ive noticed that some men are registered on both The Daily Telegraph and Guardian Soulmates websites so I don't think it necessarily indicates a political leaning as is obviously the case with your work colleague. Sadly I think there are loads of married men and women on there looking to have an affair, can't believe they are so blatant! shock

Just been back to have a look at Mr Hot's profile and his Turn-ons are listed as; Assertiveness; Body piercing(s); Dancing; Erotica; Intelligence; Long hair; Showing affection in public; Skinny dipping; Thrill seeking

I had to laugh at the skinny dipping - he's 53 FFS grin grin Quite like the idea of thrill seeking though. wink

ALaughAMinute Sun 29-Jan-17 17:51:08

my tastes echo long established norms"

I agree, that's a definite turn off Not grin

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