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School gate fall out!

(13 Posts)
Sparklygiganticpants Sat 28-Jan-17 22:55:21

I have been distancing myself from one of the mums at school after I invited her to an event at Halloween. She said she would let me know if she could come. I hear nothing and so go alone. When I get there she is there with someone else. No invite to join her at the event so go off. Yes I was pissed off as she could have said she was going with someone and I wouldn't have been bothered.

This was someone who's daughter attended two different classes with my daughter and who I considered up till that moment to be quite close with. We had confided in each other quite a lot.

After distancing myself I found out that she had been lying about various friendships whilst I was her friend and keeping friendships she had a secret. No idea why and really quite strange behaviour so just decided to let the friendship drift completely. I don't have time for playground politics and don't want to be involved.

My dd is not really friendly with hers and although in the same class they do not play together at all. Because of this I haven't invited her daughter to my dd's party which is bloody expensive per head so only inviting a small group.

Her daughter has since started bullying my dd I believe because of this or because of her mother gossiping about me in public. I decided to go into school to sort the matter out. Stupidly asked another 'friend' if she knew what was going on at school and advised her that there was some verbal bullying going on and that I would be discussing it with school. There had been a group of them picking on my dd at swimming and my dd cried for half an hour when she got home. She is only 6 so a really deal for her to be this upset.

The next morning ex friend stormed up to me had a go at me in front of my 3 kids for not telling her there was a problem. I advised her it was a matter for school to deal with as happening at school. Then she raced in to school to grab the teacher before me! It was actually quite laughable. I discussed the matter with the staff who were present at the incident and with the teacher. Happy that the school can resolve the matter and deal with it themselves. I have also fallen out with the 'friend' I had informed about the situation as told her she was obviously untrustworthy.

However I am now left in the situation where I have just attended a 3 hour dance classes for my dd with her sniping and gossiping about me behind my back. I am not deaf and some of the stuff I was being accused of was ridiculous!

Not sure what advice I am looking for I know it is all so petty. Problem being that I have 2 dc with sen so friendship world is very small and now feel like I have lost not only those 2 but any other friends I had to her malicious gossip.

So as not to drip feed I am slightly socially awkward myself and most probably would be diagnosed with aspergers if I was tested.

Please help me gain some perspective on this matter so I can get it out of my head and stop dwelling on it.

sweetchilli77 Sun 29-Jan-17 07:48:02

Just sit this out and wait.....
People like this trip themselves up. If she is gossiping about you, she will gossip about another. Soon people get wise.

Ignore her and don't rise. Be the better person. She will eventually trip herself up.

SaorAlbaGuBrath Sun 29-Jan-17 08:09:53

I've had something like this recently, I just cut all ties with her because it's not worth the hassle. The way I see it, she can say what she likes, it's not true. I'm sorry your DD has been bullied, hopefully the school can get that stopped. As for the mother, just hold your head up and ignore her childish bullshit. You'll show your kids the right way to behave.

CactusFred Sun 29-Jan-17 08:21:18

This sounds awful for you and it's easy for me to say but just ignore her and her little gang. You're better than her. She's a nasty piece of work and karma will sort her out.

FauxFox Sun 29-Jan-17 08:28:14

Ignore them. I assume you have to wait with the other mums for DD while she does dancing? Ignoring is the best bet but if they are being really obvious bitching about you in front of you and you feel brave you could call them on it - "excuse me you do know I can hear you don't you? What are you hoping to achieve? Do you want to start an embarrassing argument at our daughters dance class? Why would you do that?? Obviously we have had our differences and you are more than welcome to chat about me when I am not with you but you are being incredibly rude and for the sake of all our children I'd appreciate it if you could move on and find something else to talk about".

Sparklygiganticpants Sun 29-Jan-17 11:41:10

Thank you so much for all your replies. I think just writing it all down was really helpful. I love your answer fauxfox and so wish I could say this. Just know I would become tongue tied halfway through grin. Think it would come out as something completely different to what's in my head. Got to just pull my big girl pants up and stick a smile on my face. This is just a brief moment of awkwardness and will be over soon. I just don't like it right now.

CookieDoughKid Sun 29-Jan-17 11:46:26

I think you need to step back and observe the zoo. Imagine yourself floating above them because you are better than zoo behaviour. Don't get involved. Nurture friends beyond school and people who have things in common with you and your dd - not just school. Remember in the scheme of things you spend a very small amount of your time around these people. Be brave and be fierce. Silently.

Sparklygiganticpants Sun 29-Jan-17 16:25:05

Bracing myself for tomorrow. Thank you CookieDoughKid for your inspiring comments. Going to just go in and out of school only speaking to the teaching assistants if need be. Smile the whole time.

kennypppppppp Sun 29-Jan-17 16:27:11

What a horrible situation for you. My go to phrase for things like that is "empty vessels make the loudest noise". Hopefully people will get wise to her soon and give her a wide berth.

Ilovecaindingle Sun 29-Jan-17 16:31:29

Get your self a set of head phones to wear when you are watching your dd dancing etc. She will get the message and likely move on to someone else. . And let school sort the kids out.

Sparklygiganticpants Sun 29-Jan-17 16:38:27

Loving the head phones idea. Might get dh to sort out a box set or something on the ipad for me. I am always behind on series we are meant to be watching together because I fall asleep half way through each episode. Might be able to keep up for once!

Sparklygiganticpants Mon 30-Jan-17 18:33:16

School gate was fine today. Everyone was off ill!! I was all prepped big sunglasses (as I have the flu too at the moment and my eyes are red) and gym kit on so I could make a quick exit. No one there!

scoobydoo1971 Mon 30-Jan-17 19:25:58

I suspect most school-gates have this kind of dynamic, and attract a certain number of insecure parents who have too much time on their hands. I pay for a private bus service to opt out of the school run drama, but it doesn't stop gossip going around even though most of the parents wouldn't know me to meet me in a shop. If you were not a special person, this woman would not be jealous of you and feeling so insecure that she has to gossip about you. I would re-frame this and feel good about yourself as you must stand out for positive reasons. She will tire of using you as a target, and move onto the next object of her envy.

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