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Major trust issues - should I leave?

(8 Posts)
Rachelshakes Sat 28-Jan-17 22:30:29

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< Relationships
Advice please! Long
Me and my OH have been together 6 years. Our little boy is 2. When we got together everything was perfect and it lasted a while. When we moved in together after 2 years things got tough when I found out he was a gambler. He used to gamble his wage and the struggle for bills and we had bailiffs at the door. I forgave him and put things in place to stop it happening and things got better. When we had our son he did it again. He lost over 1000 in a day and my brother had to bail us out. A few months after money disappeared from my bank account. It was him. I forgave him. Last year we went to Skye and all my money went again. He sent it to someone who was threatening him and he left us with nothing on our holiday. I also found out he had been speaking to a woman for months and there were some horrible messages but he promised nothing physical happened. When we got home me lied again so I left. I was at my mum's for 6 weeks and things got better so I came home. It was okay for a couple of weeks but it's got gradually worse. He hates I don't trust him he wants me to just accept what he tells me. He took cash from me and out it in his bank before Christmas and there has been nothing but issues with his bank (apparently) and I still haven't got my money. I have a Thomas sabo bracelet with a lot of charms and he said he bought me a new one for Christmas but my bracelet was apparently broken and its been sent off for repair and that's still not back. My anxiety is through the roof and every time he tells me he will fix it today there's a new issue. I only work part time and can't run things on my own. I love him but I cannot go on like this. He doesn't have any money to find his own place. What can I do?

howtofixme Sat 28-Jan-17 23:23:26

He will have sold the bracelet to gamble and you won't see it again. Do you want to keep repeating this over and over again, what if he takes the money from your child next time!

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 28-Jan-17 23:32:42

What do you get out of this relationship now?. And you're right you cannot go on like this.

You are unlikely to see your bracelet again; its likely been sold or pawned for his gambling addiction.

What is there exactly to love about this man who has lied, cheated and stolen from you and in turn your child?. He's a gambler and for him gambling is first and foremost in his life. You are codependent in relationships and have also enabled him to your own detriment; doing that only gave you a false sense of control. You've never been in control of his gambling addiction at all. He not having any money (due to gambling) to find his own place should not be any concern of yours now.

What do you want to teach your child about relationships, surely not this awful model of one.

Happyinthehills Sat 28-Jan-17 23:59:42

You can find yourself and your DS a place to live and separate from this waste of space.

bluebell34567 Sun 29-Jan-17 00:01:09

definitely leave him and don't look back.

Rachelshakes Sun 29-Jan-17 09:48:22

I feel pathetic but I'm petrified of being a single mum. I feel like I'm letting my son down as he has no close siblings. I realise I have always had a vision of a perfect family like my own (mum and dad happily married and a brother) and I feel like a failure that I haven't achieved that.

Creampastry Sun 29-Jan-17 10:14:04

You aren't going to achieve that with your dh. He's a shit which he has proved time after time. Walk away.

RedastheRose Sun 29-Jan-17 17:37:32

Sometime's these things are beyond our control. No one, least of all your child, would expect you to put up with this situation. Get in touch with citizens advice or dhss and see what you are entitled to claim RE housing benefits, income support, tax credits etc. You will be better off without him. For your relationship to have any future he would have to acknowledge his problems and go to gamblers anonymous and he won't do that while you continue to bail him out and support him. Sorry about the bracelet. Your son will be better off without him as a role model.

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