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How can I support him?

(5 Posts)
nicetoseeyoutoseeyounice Sat 28-Jan-17 14:50:30

My dp has had some bad news at work recently. They are making huge pay cuts and he's due to lose about £6000 a year in wages. Not only does he have to deal with the stress of how this will effect him, but he's a manager so is also having to support his staff through this. The union are involved and they are trying to sort it out but it's all doom and gloom at work and he's so miserable and distant. I've offered to go back to work to make up the money he's due to lose but he isn't keen on the idea as he doesn't want to pay someone else to look after our daughter when I'm perfectly capable. When he needs to talk about it I listen. I've tried to give him some space when he doesn't want to engage with me. He's still a great hands on dad but he hasn't been all the pleasant to me. Just really snappy and dismissive. I don't know what else I can do. We are sort of co existing at the moment. Our sex life has suffered too. I can understand that's probably the last thing on his mind right now. I just feel really un important to him right now. I don't really know what else I can do. But this isn't about me. I know it's not intentional. It's a really horrible atmosphere at home like I'm treading on eggshells. What else can I do? I guess I just needed to write it all down as I'm feeling pretty crap about it all. We are getting married in 4 months time but I'm not excited about it with things the way they are. He's certainly not interested in wedding plans with everything else going on.

jiggeypokery Sat 28-Jan-17 16:02:53

Poor you and your fiancé. I think you're doing the right things. To some extent you may have to ride it out, but I also think an honest chat might be a good idea. Make him a cup of tea or do something nice for him. Tell him that you can tell that work is really getting to him ATM, as it naturally would. You sound like you don't blame him, make sure he knows that. Tell him you're finding it hard on you too and ask him how you can support him. If he asks for space, respect that. This won't be forever and some men have to just shut down to get through this kind of thing. We had something similar in 2009. It's horrible but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, especially if you come through well as a couple. Good luck and hopefully by the wedding, things won't be so bad (can you postpone it if not?) flowers

ImperialBlether Sat 28-Jan-17 16:07:27

Are there ways you can cut back on some of the wedding plans, or is it too late?

junebirthdaygirl Sat 28-Jan-17 16:56:52

Just listen and be positive about the future. Don't try to offer solutions. Remember with tax taken into account the drop will not be 6000.

nicetoseeyoutoseeyounice Sun 29-Jan-17 00:41:02

Thanks everyone. We had a chat about it tonight. He's apologised for being a grump and has promised to be more pro active about wedding stuff. He's just been tired and stressed out and acknowledges that he's taken it out on me. Things suck at the moment but we will get through it together. I went upstairs to read and stay out of his way and he realised something was up. He bought me a cream egg to cheer me up bless him haha.

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