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About to become a single parent again - couldn't have come at a worse time

(18 Posts)
FFSenoughofthis Sat 28-Jan-17 10:36:23

I feel so confused. 'D'P announced last night (having been to the pub) that he's not happy and he wants us to end things. Absolutely not a surprise at all, this has been rumbling for the last 3 years or so. We've really grown apart and no longer have any shared interests. I've been quite content to stay in the relationship as despite things being crap, there's no abuse or anything, we just live alongside each other. Got a nice house, kids are happy etc.

The massive spanner in the works is that XP is terminally ill and expected not to last more than a few weeks. Current P has been in the kids' lives as long as they can remember. Tbh I almost left him a while back, but decided against it as it was when ex was told he was terminal and I couldn't bring myself to do that to the kids.

Wtf do I do now?! I did say last night about trying to make a go of things, we've spoken about that in the past, but never actually done anything about it. He seems adamant that he doesn't want to do that though.

I can't afford a deposit to move, we rent atm, both on tenancy agreement. I can refuse to move can't I?! I can't take the kids out their home as well.

Fucksake I didn't need this this weekend!!

grobagsforever Sat 28-Jan-17 15:23:23

Ask him to leave? Why should you be the one to move? I'm so sorry to hear about your children's father.

Very crass question but has ex-p provided child support in his will?

FFSenoughofthis Sat 28-Jan-17 16:00:24

I don't know why I've always assumed that it would be me that had to move, but I most definitely won't be leaving now.

I've spent all day in bed with a migraine sad I feel so completely stuck, I don't feel like I can talk to anyone irl about it, but it feels like the sort of thing I'd love to sit and drink a bottle of wine with a friend and talk over.

XP apparently hasn't got round to doing a will yet ridiculously. I do doubt he has much to leave anyway.

Honestly you couldn't make my life up!!

FFSenoughofthis Sat 28-Jan-17 17:55:03

Also just thought, wtf do you do for contact with an ex stepparent? I guess it's different for everyone, but I really don't have a clue!

FFSenoughofthis Tue 31-Jan-17 17:22:50

So we're going to sit down and talk it all thru tonight. I'm actually incredibly nervous and have no idea what to say! But I'm sure everything will turn out how it should be either way!

RaisinsAndApple Tue 31-Jan-17 18:18:21

Good luck with your talk. Re contact I think you treat it the same as if he was their dad, especially with exp dying. As long as he wants to continue to be stepdad that would be best for the DC. Not saying it would happen but if he wanted to apply to court for contact he would get it since he's been living with them for so long.

Ilovecaindingle Tue 31-Jan-17 18:39:21

When I threw my ex out he didn't even say goodbye to my 3 dc. Ds cried every night at bedtime for 13 weeks. . Please make sure they get a chance to say bye to him if contact t isn't being kept - we had previously agreed not to but had hoped the spineless twat would at least kiss them goodbye. Do they know about their dad? Must be awful with such going in. But being honest now is better in the long run. Make sure you let school know so they can also support your dc.

Ciderandskatesdontmix Tue 31-Jan-17 18:49:05

If he wants to end the relationship then he needs to be the one to leave IMO. It sounds as though you and the kids have enough to deal with atm without throwing the stress of moving into the mix as well.

FFSenoughofthis Tue 31-Jan-17 19:15:54

I think he would still want contact, well , if he doesn't he's not the man I thought he was! He really does treat the kids like his own. cain I can't believe your ex didn't eve say bye sad

Yes they know about their dad, taking it really well atm though.

I've definitely decided it won't be me leaving, just hoping we can work things out really, or at least give t a good go!

LesisMiserable Tue 31-Jan-17 19:58:27

I wonder if its xp impending passing that has prompted him to do this - maybe the perceived pressure and responsibility of being the childrens only father figure was more than he wanted/can handle. I feel terrible for you sad

FFSenoughofthis Tue 31-Jan-17 20:53:18

It could be you know. I mean I found it hard enough to come to terms with th fact I'll be the only "official" parent, and that's with having been a single parent for almost a decade!

Our chat had to be postponed til the weekend thanks to sudden work commitments, but we've rescheduled and will get it all sorted. Shame it's dragging on, but I can get myself sorted and think properly through everything!

Snowflake65 Tue 31-Jan-17 21:53:47

No advice FFS just flowers what a horrible situation to be in

FFSenoughofthis Tue 31-Jan-17 22:30:29

Thank you!

FFSenoughofthis Sat 04-Feb-17 20:38:48

So it's tonight and we're sitting waiting for our takeaway and watching a film. I have no idea how to bring things up. I think he's deliberately chosen to put on a dvd to avoid talking. Wtf?!

RaisinsAndApple Sat 04-Feb-17 22:31:37

How are you getting/have you got on?

FFSenoughofthis Sun 05-Feb-17 10:25:41

We didn't - he's massively avoiding the conversation at all costs! I think he's regretting having brought it up at all and just wants to maintain the status quo. In fact, I know that's what's happening as I did say to him last night we're just going to end up ignoring things and it'll all drag on again for another few years. He didn't disagree.

He's away next week for work, so we either do it tonight or its another week of it all, but then Sunday night is hardly conducive to deep and meaningful conversation is it?!

RaisinsAndApple Sun 05-Feb-17 12:54:37

How do you feel about that? Maybe a good thing given the timing?

FFSenoughofthis Sun 05-Feb-17 13:43:17

I think actually with the timing, it's probably for the best if we just ignore it. We've both acknowledged that we're not happy and that things have well and truly run their course.

Deep down I know full well we're not going to last, I feel really quite calm about that. I know there's never a right time for a relationship to end, but this would definitely be a terrible time! I just don't know when it will become a better time.

He's clearly planning on ignoring it, was talking about holiday booking earlier so god knows!

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