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Too fat for love

(20 Posts)
user1485559788 Fri 27-Jan-17 23:36:09

Hi, so I'm 16 stone (due to illness and depression), I've just left a relationship we're my partner cheated and took drugs.

Although I'm far from ready to start looking. Once I'm ready do I need to lose weight first?

HarmlessChap Fri 27-Jan-17 23:40:00

Nope, not for a relationship, you need someone who want you for you not your shape.

I guess it would be advisable for you to shed a bit of weight for your health but if you do, do it for yourself nobody else.

HarmlessChap Fri 27-Jan-17 23:41:06

Oh and plenty of blokes find bigger women more attractive than thin ones.

user1485559788 Fri 27-Jan-17 23:42:36

Just to add I'm trying to lose weight (understand that being fat is repulsive to most people) but due to a thyroid problem and suffering from pos I'm struggling.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Fri 27-Jan-17 23:45:38

Eh I'm 16 stone and have a DP that adores every inch of it. I'm not necessarily happy with my weight but he will support me fat or thin

It's not your weight that is holding you back- it's your attitude.

user1485559788 Fri 27-Jan-17 23:46:25

I'm just terrified that I've left a relationship, we're my weight was expted, but I was taken for granted.

wifework Fri 27-Jan-17 23:47:31

Here's a tip: if you're feeling a bit shit about yourself, don't post on mumsnet about being fat. And let's face it most of us fat people do feel shit about ourselves; that's how we got fat in the first place.

Focus on all the great things about you. You left! You took control! that is a huge achievement!

scottishdiem Fri 27-Jan-17 23:51:15

Ach no. Search for BBW dating and put it in your profile on our dating sites as well. I swear there is a huge group of men out there who do not get turned on by the gym bunny barbie types. You will need to filter a few (some who think you'll be desperate and others who want to shag a larger women to get it off some kind of bucket list) but on the whole your weight will, for many men, be a key first attractive point.

user1485559788 Fri 27-Jan-17 23:51:47

Your right I suffer from anxiety so have very low self esteem. My ex worked and I was the homemaker. Because of this he thought he shouldn't have to lift a finger around the house, or with our was the biggest step of my life to walk away from our 21 year relationship. But o did it and know I'm regretting it....

KoolKoala07 Fri 27-Jan-17 23:52:05

If a new partner will only accept you weighing less, then they are not worth your time or effort. I'm far from thin but I have a lovely husband who doesn't care how I look.

user1485559788 Fri 27-Jan-17 23:54:26

Sorry ment... I did it and now I'm regretting it.

Notinmybackyard Sat 28-Jan-17 00:01:40

Why regretting it if he cheated on you? And did nothing around the house. Not interested in the children? What's to miss? I've been a homemaker too for most of my married life, I'm overweight too (but swim every day for an hour) but my husband was a great dad to our children and didn't cheat on me. I think it sounds like you deserve better.

user1485559788 Sat 28-Jan-17 00:13:03

I regret it because I stopped showing him effection (because I felt I was used as a cleaner), so he looked else were. Should I have expected help when I was the homemaker?

HollywoodStunt Sat 28-Jan-17 00:21:41

Do you think you are lacking confidence more than anything, just asking because I put on weight after having children and when an old friend (male) tried to recontact me after a few years I ran and hid. Couldn't face him seeing me so different. I regret it but would probably do the same again.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Sat 28-Jan-17 00:37:50

Having kids and a house to run is knackering. It's also isolating as you don't meet anybody new/regular thus depression is rife.

Needing help/assistance as a homemaker is fine. Being the person who is running the household does also not make you the skivvy. You shouldn't be running around after people who do nothing for themselves.

If he cheated on you. He wasn't a good partner. He didn't value you, or your input.

You are not just a homemaker. I'll bet you have a hundred other interests. A whole other persona that you fulfilled prior to staying at home. They've just been squashed out of you.

You deserve to be happy, fulfilled and loved. If you're interested in a relationship then you should be seeking somebody who makes you the best possibly version of yourself.

Fat happens. But Fat, arguably, doesn't happen to happy people. (in my opinion.)

Give yourself a chance at happiness and the rest will sort itself out.

user1485559788 Sat 28-Jan-17 00:41:51

I am absolutely lacking in confidence. I used to be stunning and a size 10 and full of confidence. Now age and weight have caught up with me, I feel ugly and frumpy. My DP and I met when we were so young, it's all we've ever known. I just feel like I'll be alone forever. He's got a good job and still has his looks, so I'm sure he'll soon meet someone new....

TheStoic Sat 28-Jan-17 00:42:41

You are absolutely not ready to start dating, and it has nothing to do with the size of your body.

arsenaltilidie Sat 28-Jan-17 00:44:31

It's true you'll find lots of big women with lovely partners who adore them.
But if you are single, man or woman, a slimmer version of yourself will definitely expand your dating pool.

You've just left a long relationship, I'd say concentrate on losing weight. At least it occupy your mind a bit and help you with the healing process.

HollywoodStunt Sat 28-Jan-17 01:07:38

None of us can do anything about age so put that aside. Same with your DP try and forget what you perceive to be his advantages and just concentrate on yourself. In most break ups there's always someone left playing catch up but that doesn't mean everything will go right for him and you'll always feel down

TheNaze73 Sat 28-Jan-17 09:14:06

I don't think you're ready, you sound like you don't like yourself.

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