Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Going on a date with someone online...

(24 Posts)
EggcellentBuisnessOpportunity Fri 27-Jan-17 19:01:45

I joined a dating site out of boredom ages ago. I've recently been dumped and I was just bored and went on. I'd gotten a message and replied and we've been chatting.

She seems nice enough. We swapped to texting and she asked me out. I said yes but I'm not sure. I'm very shy and I've never been on a date before. I mean both my previous partners have been friends first.
And her profile pic is very different to current ones shes sent. I found her attractive on the site but I think they were quite old photos.

I'm just trying to distract myself from this utter heartbreak I guess.

Is it a bad idea.

Shoxfordian Fri 27-Jan-17 20:17:32

Not a bad idea! Nothing ventured etc.

Go and see what she's like; it's only a date and if you don't get on then meet someone else. Be brave!

Jiggaminny Fri 27-Jan-17 20:59:12

Dating gets better with practice. I ran away on my first one (literally). Nowadays I'm quite confident and that seems to be attractive to men.

Try going on the date just to practice? By the time you meet someone you really like you'll come across better, and if this woman turns out to be the one you want then even better

EggcellentBuisnessOpportunity Sat 28-Jan-17 10:22:23

Yeah. I think I'll go. Can't do any harm.

Fairylea Sat 28-Jan-17 10:25:04

I met dh on plenty of fish grin happily married 6 years now.

Just go for a coffee during the day. Then if it all goes tits up you can just vanish off quickly after an hour and it's not at intense as spending a whole evening together. Dh and I met in Costa and ended up staying for 3 hours until it shut!

jcne Sat 28-Jan-17 10:27:29

It doesn't hurt, no that's wrong it definitely could, but rebound dating needs to be treated differently to regular, 'I am in a good place' dating.. you as a rebounding person are a special category....

Just Don't get involved with someone just to deal with withdrawal from someone else..... you need to suffer through the withdrawal, yes it fucking sucks not to get a text when you ordinarily would.... it literally prevents the release of a little bit of dopamine in your brain.... but it won't take as long to adapt, or be as bad as it feels, I promise, and you will be in much better shape for that in the long run.

jcne Sat 28-Jan-17 10:28:07

So go with low expectations and don't make any promises you can't keep to this person

TheNaze73 Sat 28-Jan-17 12:00:44

Do a daytime coffee, so you can bail if need be

OFFFS Sat 28-Jan-17 12:53:06

Agree, have a pre-date. Meet for a coffee to decide if you want to go on a date.

I signed up to OLD when I ended my marriage, out of curiosity, to find out what it was all about as I expected that at some point in the distant future I'd dip a toe in the water. I got chatting to someone,met him for a coffee. Wasn't looking to meet anyone, but the coffee led to a date. Two years on it's lurve smile

EggcellentBuisnessOpportunity Sat 28-Jan-17 17:21:47

Shit. She works all week so can't do lunch so I agreed to a drink Friday night. I did say only an hour though as I'm going out with friends (true)

So is an hours drink ok?

I can only do weekends due to childcare

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 28-Jan-17 17:26:56

Do it! It is scary, but it will get easier. FWIW, I met someone OD 4 yrs ago. We get married in September smile

Tanito279 Sat 28-Jan-17 17:28:24

Good luck! Be brave smile

user87654321 Sat 28-Jan-17 18:03:23

You have nothing to lose.

GrandDesespoir Sat 28-Jan-17 21:44:55

Don't start dating if you know you're not ready and are likely to mess people about - that's not fair on the women you meet. If you're still at the stage of "utter heartbreak" I say it is a bad idea, yes.

EggcellentBuisnessOpportunity Sat 28-Jan-17 21:58:32

I don't have anyone. I don't have friends. I need to meet people.

It's meeting someone for a drink. Not a marriage proposal.

barnetbarnet Sat 28-Jan-17 22:08:23

Do it buddy, just do it.

Don't take her to your mates later in the evening - ditch your mates, stay with the girl the friends would understand.

GrandDesespoir Sun 29-Jan-17 09:38:32

I don't have anyone. I don't have friends. I need to meet people.

Come on, put your big boy pants on. Break-ups are shit, but if you really don't have any friends you need to start there, not immediately trying to find a replacement girlfriend.

It may not be a "marriage proposal" hmm but how do you know that the person you date hasn't just got over her own trauma of falling for someone who turned out to be on the rebound? As REM said, everybody hurts - not just you.

Try Meetup - hundreds (probably thousands) of different groups with every interest under the sun.

BookHunter Sun 29-Jan-17 09:47:20

If you don't have friends, who are the friends you are out with later on Friday?

EggcellentBuisnessOpportunity Sun 29-Jan-17 12:23:00

I'm a woman.

And I did say on my profile that I'm looking for female friends and maybe something more if it feels right.

My friends are my sisters.

GrandDesespoir Sun 29-Jan-17 13:43:44

Crikey, talk about drip-feeding. confused

Gallavich Sun 29-Jan-17 13:46:27

I don't think that's a drip feed, and what difference does it make if she's a woman or man?

Spottytop1 Sun 29-Jan-17 13:50:34

Go for it! I met my partner online and we've been together 2 1/2 years.

Just be upfront about what you are looking for ( casual, relationship etc.) and you'll be fine. Good luck!

EggcellentBuisnessOpportunity Sun 29-Jan-17 17:40:43

How is it drip feeding? What difference does it make that I'm gay?

Do I need a badge attached to my profile? :/

GrandDesespoir Sun 29-Jan-17 20:16:13

No badge needed, although I suspect that you knew that people would assume you were a man from what you wrote, as you mention the sex of your date several times.

The reason it makes a difference - imo - is firstly that people tend to search for friends of the same sex. Yes, of course men and women can be friends, but if you go out to meet someone of the opposite sex through a dating site it's generally assumed you're looking for something romantic and/or sexual.

Secondly, I don't think it's completely inaccurate to say that a man going on dates when he knows he's not looking for something serious probably has a different agenda from a woman in the same situation. In my experience he is more likely to be looking for no-strings sex, and he may or may not be up-front about that, depending on how much of a dick he is.

Anyway, by all means get out there and meet people - just don't lead anyone on, whatever your gender.

And sorry if I sound like I have an axe to grind - unwittingly ending up dating someone on the rebound or otherwise emotionally unavailable has happened to me once (or a dozen) times too often, and it pisses me off because it's dishonest, disappointing, time-wasting and slightly insulting.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now