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Hunbunscarybitch is still here

(183 Posts)
Hunbunscarybitch Fri 27-Jan-17 18:25:46

I've posted about this before only under another name. If you've read this previously then I'm sorry if I'm boring anyone to here goes:

In our 50s, 2nd marriage of 14 years. First 2 -3 years of marriage were fantastic and I thought , somewhat naively, I'd met my "soul mate". He was fantastic in helping me bring up my teenage children, for which I will always be grateful. They are grown up now.

About ten years ago, I had a gut feeling things weren't right. We'd been through a lot of stress with my children, H's job and my dad was terminally ill. H was snappy and seemed disinterested in me. I've never snooped before but I looked in his wallet and found a "no strings " sex website written down. I confronted him and he said it must've "fell" in his wallet off his computer screen ( one of his colleagues had stuck it there as a joke). When I pointed out it was in his hand writing he told me he was looking at a friend's fwb profile. When I didn't believe that he admitted he hadn't looked at website but copied it down out of curiosity. My dad died 2 days later so I "parked" that but if ever I brought it up he was very annoyed.

So the last ten years...... I love my H dearly. He's kind to animals, caring to his elderly parents, makes me laugh. However, he won't go on holidays as he says he's too stressed with work. We haven't been for even a weekend away. I must admit I've resented this and I've communicated this to him and he always says " there'll be time for us in the future " . I haven't moped about and I have had fantastic holidays over the years with friends and family. I have a great social life and a wonderful job. The only thing missing in my life is being made to feel special by my H. He works away and when he's at home he's often working on his laptop at the weekends or visiting his elderly parents. In my heart, I know things haven't been right and I've tried to talk to him and even write to him but nothing has changed despite him saying he put more time into our marriage.

The last six months I thought things were improving as we started going to the gym together and going for meals. In November however, my son was looking in the garage and my H's bag toppled over ( his car was being serviced so he'd put contents of boot in the garage) and out fell condoms ( in date) and viagra. I made a frenzied search of another bag and I found a different make of condom which was obviously from a multi pack. Confronted H and he nonchalantly said " oh I should have thrown them away " . He then said he'd bought them for my son - lies. He then expected me to believe he'd pressed the wrong button on the machine!! The viagra he said didn't work as he'd tried one , on his own, out of interest, so it was a fake pub machine one.A week later he admitted he'd wanted sex with someone else but didn't do it.........

So, I don't know about you but would you believe a man would go to the trouble of buying condoms on 2 different occasions plus viagra without a plan or a particular woman, be it a work colleague or an escort in mind? This is the story he's sticking to after all these weeks and he will not say anything apart from "I didn't go through with it" and " I had no one in mind". He acts like I'm crazy woman not believing him. Please could you give me your honest opinion? I intend to show him this thread.

ChaChaChaCh4nges Fri 27-Jan-17 18:27:56

No. I wouldn't.

LIZS Fri 27-Jan-17 18:28:48

No I wouldn't believe it . Did you post about this at the time?

Hunbunscarybitch Fri 27-Jan-17 18:29:57

Yes I posted in November

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Fri 27-Jan-17 18:30:10

You have posted about this before, I think you are painting an overly rosy picture of him and your relationship.

Being kind to animals is the minimum level of decency required for a human being, not a merit point.

LimeySnickett Fri 27-Jan-17 18:32:37

Leave him. He is cheating on you and feels no remorse. It will continue.

Hunbunscarybitch Fri 27-Jan-17 18:33:05

I love your username Unexpected

Thisrabbitthatrabbit Fri 27-Jan-17 18:37:10

Wouldn't believe him for a second.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 27-Jan-17 18:38:05

He is 100% cheating. It's time to take the blinders off.

Ikeameatballs Fri 27-Jan-17 18:38:29

It matters not one jot if I or a million others believe him, though I don't and doubt you'll get anyone else on here who does. The point is that you don't believe him and this is part of significant other difficulties in your marriage.

Your choices are to either continue as you are or leave him.

joystir59 Fri 27-Jan-17 18:40:13

He is using prostitutes. 100% sure.

joystir59 Fri 27-Jan-17 18:42:20

I would think he's been using them for the last ten years from what you have said in your OP. It is very common. He is no longer invested sexually in your relationship. Sorry you are having to deal with this OP flowers

Hunbunscarybitch Fri 27-Jan-17 18:42:36

I suppose I'm trying to prove, by showing him this thread, that he's spouting bullshit that no one would believe. He's making out I'm being over dramatic. If I knew the truth I might be able to forgive but I cannot forgive lies

Seeingadistance Fri 27-Jan-17 18:46:08

Nope, I wouldn't believe one word of his excuses, and he'd be out on his arse as soon as.

ExplodingCarrots Fri 27-Jan-17 18:46:32

He's cheating. Most probably for a very long time. His excuses are laughable. I'd kick him out.

inlectorecumbit Fri 27-Jan-17 18:47:11

Liar liar pants on fire..

why bother showing him this thread? You are going to get the same answers as on your previous one. He must think you are really stupid if he spins just poor lies as he has done.

Come on OP face up to it, he is taking you for a fool,

gazingatthestars Fri 27-Jan-17 18:47:39

Oh dear - no he clearly slept with someone else. Stop doubting yourself! Yes he's trying to confuse you and minimise it. Don't let him.

Hunbunscarybitch Fri 27-Jan-17 18:47:55

Thank you everybody for replying. I've felt like I've been going out of my mind. I'm not a jealous person and these feelings I've been having are completely alien to me.

Hunbunscarybitch Fri 27-Jan-17 18:51:44

I know I'm probably being pathetic but I just want to show him that it just doesn't add up, buying condoms twice and viagra without a plan in mind. I've told a lot of my friends. They all like him but not one of them believes his version of events. I hate myself at times as I shout and rant on occasions trying to get him to tell me the truth.

CocoaX Fri 27-Jan-17 18:53:30

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but your husband should not need the opinions of random strangers to behave well. If you show him this, pound to a penny, the debate will turn to you asking an opinion from MN and/or a small detail of what you posted, in order to make you defensive and feel bad and him the wronged one.

Look at what he has told you - he bought condoms and Viagra planning to have sex with someone else, and he has been looking at websites.

Look at how he treats you - no holidays or weekends away or nice treats. Time with you put off till later.

You are fifty - God willing a good few years more of this man. Even if you believe his story, this is what your relationship looks like. Plus you don't believe him and he is turning that round on you being over-dramatic.

Purplebluebird Fri 27-Jan-17 18:54:29

He's full of crap, so sorry. I remember your thread from before, and if he hasn't come clean by now, he probably never will.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Fri 27-Jan-17 18:54:31

You are his housekeeper

He wont have sex with you, but needs condoms, and viagra

He won't go away with you

He is angry when you dare to question him

He is looking at online hookup sites PLANNING to have sex

You KNOW he is lying to you, he knows you know but thinks he is clever and you are stupid

Why are you still entertaining his nonsense? I thought you were getting out?

CocoaX Fri 27-Jan-17 18:54:47

You are not out of your mind either flowers

Cherryskypie Fri 27-Jan-17 18:55:24

He's got condoms and viagra hidden away in the house. Do you really need a confession? How could you believe him if he did confess? He's obviously been lying to you and even when caught with evidence he can't own up.

Bufferingkisses Fri 27-Jan-17 18:56:57

He's lying. He's treating you disgustingly and he should be ashamed of himself. Lie on lie on lie... I'd be livid but quietly planning to leave. There is no excuse to treat someone you love like this. Destroying the trust is not a healthy part of a relationship.

He sounds self involved and self serving at best, at worst a cheat.

Have you booked in to be checked for stis? Horrible as it is you need to look out for yourself now.

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