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Great date, then ignored!

(10 Posts)
namechangedloser Fri 27-Jan-17 10:40:27

NC for this as I'm a regular on here and I feel too much of an idiot to reveal myself!

Quick background, i'm a single mum with 2 DC's and OM is a single dad with 2 DC's. We used to work together about 8 years ago and had no contact in the years in between. I knew he liked me at work as once I overheard him on the phone to a mutual colleague say he thought I was hot - he had no idea I was in the car with the colleague and the phone was on speaker! But nothing ever happened between us at work as we were both in other relationships, but we got along really well.

We connected recently on social media, and we both said we were single and he suggested we meet to 'catch up'.

So that's what we did, and it was awkward at first as I'm not used to dating and so was a bit nervous. But after we had some drinks and relaxed a bit I had a good time. He said he was a lightweight and shouldn't drink any more, but I think he was nervous so he had another drink and let's just say he really is a lightweight. So he was a bit tipsy after that and became a lot more flirty and full on with me.

I enjoyed it, but at the time I wasn't really intoxicated so for example, when he stroked my leg while we were sat down, I didn't do anything back. blush lol. I guess I was more aware of being in public and i'm not big on PDA - although I sort of regret not being a little bit more flirtatious.

We had some passionate kissing on the way back to my car, and he said a few naughty things, but then I stopped after a bit and sent him on his way. I did tell him at the time that I'd had fun and wanted to meet again, and throughout the evening we'd talked about 'next time' we meet.

The next day I sent him a message saying how I hope he wasn't hungover and a wink, and he read it and has not spoken to me for over a week.

I know you guys won't know how he feels either and I have to actually speak to him, but I need advice on what to message. I hate that I have to send another message that has the potential to be ignored. But am I right in thinking he's probably too mortified to message?

I know I feel like an idiot school girl asking for help with a text, but I have no clue what I'm doing. I guess I could just leave it and see if he ever messages me, but I don't think he would speak to me again now. Sigh. sad

StripeyCover Fri 27-Jan-17 10:49:07

My take. He decided to meet up with you, maybe fishing for a new relationship, sex, a friendship, who knows...

For whatever reason (and its unlikely you'll find out now I suspect) he doesn't want it to move forward. It probably feels like a snub to you, esp after the stroking and kissing, but I think a weak man will probably always take an opportunity for this, even if he has mixed feelings at the time or changes his mind later.

It sounds sad for you because you probably had hopes for something more.

But I really wouldn't bother texting him again. You've got your answer. A week of silence after a date says to me "not interested".

TheStoic Fri 27-Jan-17 10:59:23

Is he actively dating? He may be seeing someone else and decided to focus on building that relationship.

StripeyCover Fri 27-Jan-17 11:23:59

BTW I should have said "a weak or ^selfish or immature man^"!

SheFeedsYouTeaAndOranges Fri 27-Jan-17 11:26:41


After 4+ years of being single and a bit of dating and a couple of short relationships in that time, I have been on the receiving end of flakiness, and I have also been the flaky one.

I would say do no more.You have clearly signalled interest to him. His lack of response has clearly signalled a lack of interest to you.

I wouldn't text him again. You're not going to hear anything that will make it better. I'd just look back on it fondly of a nice night of flirting and snogging and move on.

Jenniferb21 Fri 27-Jan-17 11:30:02

If you text him again you'll be embarrassed if he ignores you again. Whatever his reason (even if he was embarrassed about his actions) the truth is he isn't that in to you or a relationship in general. We know from the background he finds you attractive so hold your head up high put it behind you and wait for mr right. He will turn up one day but that isn't him! Xxx

namechangedloser Fri 27-Jan-17 11:30:03

Thanks guys, I guess you've saved me looking like an idiot who wants more to him.

He isn't actively dating, as far as he said. I think he's like me just working and focusing on his kids and then our opportunity to meet came along and he asked me out.

I feel like an idiot for thinking there could be potential for more. But I guess you're right, even if he was embarassed in his behaviour, i guess if he was that interested in me he would send me a message.

Shame sad I'm not even interested in dating right now, but he was someone who came out of the blue and made me feel like I could be ready.

BernieBear Fri 27-Jan-17 11:33:51

As Stripey says, a week of no contact is your answer. If a man is interested, no matter how embarrassed etc he may be, he would have been in contact somehow.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, it's just gleaned from experience of dating - but come and join us on the Dating thread, we're a friendly bunch - you'll find you are not alone in this.

Adora10 Fri 27-Jan-17 11:37:00

He's so far ignored your message so please don't message again, he will come back to you if he is interested.

SheFeedsYouTeaAndOranges Fri 27-Jan-17 11:40:09


That's almost worse. It kind of feels like it was 'meant to be' when it comes out of the blue like that. But actually, it might just have been a message from the universe that you perhaps shouldn't shut the door on romance and maybe you should be actively looking or interested.

Who knows.

I find that sometime the universe is a little vague in the messages it sends. Whereas sometimes it whacks you in the face with a big stick with nails in the end, but I think this was a nudge for you and a bit of a "psst..."

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