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Seeking inspirational 'I'm a happy single parent' stories as today is a new day!

(30 Posts)
welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 09:17:48

Sorry, posted so much yesterday. I don't have close friends and this site helped me so so much when I went through a divorce. I'm having a blip and it feels like company.
Would love to read some happy stories of people who are happy single and I mean truly happy. I believe you do not need someone to complete you, you do that yourself. I just feel lonely sometimes. Don't have childcare so my social life is pants. Don't have many friends. Actually don't have any only the ones I work with and my Facebook friends which aren't really friends. Also what sort of things you do to make you happy and content being single.
I need a kick up the bum to be honest. Don't really want to be feeling sorry for myself.

jopickles Fri 27-Jan-17 09:30:28

Hi welsh. I'm a happy single parent. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a partner to share things with then I date and realise that I'm so much better by myself. Me and my daughter do what we like when we like, enjoy days out etc without anyone's input, we can cuddle up in bed without bothering anyone else the list goes on lol. I find new hobbies now and again and I'm currently studying for a degree so I don't get bored. I do have childcare but to be honest I don't go out much as I'm the same as you and don't have many friends but it doesn't bother me to be honest. If your children are at school can you arrange something with the other mums to get you all out and about?

BumDNC Fri 27-Jan-17 09:37:49

I'm a very happy single parent and have been for 7 or so years.
I do now have a BF but we do not live together and see each other once a week. I don't 'need' him or any man and my DC and I have managed just fine the 3 of us for quite some time now. My DC are now teens and we all keep each other company most of the time

Try to connect with some old friends or join things to make new social friends. You don't need millions, even 2 will do!

Disappointednomore Fri 27-Jan-17 09:47:47

Another here. Same as you that MN has been a source of companionship and assistance. Was just thinking this morning how peaceful and relaxed my days are now. I used to be so stressed and now I hardly ever am. It is hard having a reduced social life but I've changed things around, have people for dinner or lunch, reach out to people, plan days out with my DD. We go out to museums with a packet of sandwiches and some squash - costs nothing and we have a great time. Don't have to try to persuade a miserable lump off the sofa!

neweymcnewname Fri 27-Jan-17 09:48:43

Hello, I'm another happy single mum :-). Sometimes it's hard work when the DCs are little, but it is satisfying when u look back over the last year and think how you've provided them with a happy home and seen them develop.
I also have a small set of friends (and around the time I split from the ex I had none really aside from mums my DCs played with (not really my friends, and lost touch as soon as kids got bigger). I slowly made new friends tho, who have different ages and lifestyles from me, but I also enjoy time to myself a lot (and don't care any more whether I 'should' socialising more!).
You need to take time to find out what you love, what you enjoy doing (I hauled my DCs on lots of walks in the country, and trips to see things too, and probably enjoy the memories of those times more than I enjoyed it at the time!), but you will find that you gradually become a family as you are, not one with a person missing (your ex), with your own jokes and silly thing you do.
I do have a partner now, but he lives a couple of hours away, and works overseas for weeks at a time, and I'm happy to see home when possible, and do my own thing when not. 15 years ago I would have pined and been miserable when he was away, but you can change to be very happy with your own company too, truly :-).
A bit of a ramble, I hope some of it was helpful!

welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 09:49:17

Thankyou ☺
I'm studying for a degree too. Well done, it's tough going as I know. I live in a small town and went to school here. It's too late to make new friends here. Everyone already has their little click. My dream is to one day move from here anyway.
Not sure what to join. I feel that in my late forties it's kinda too late to make friends.
I have met friends from studying but they're all busy with their own friends and husbands.

neweymcnewname Fri 27-Jan-17 09:55:17

Any hobbies you enjoy, or fancy taking up? I took up a sport in my 40s (I had never been sporty at all!), and met a whole new set of people. Itnsounds a bit of a cliche, but it can work. If your town is a bit isolated that may be more challenging, but if there are other places within say 45 mins, it could be worth branching out with a course or evening exercise class (appreciate that babysitting could be an issue tho, and u may not have time with the ou!).

welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 09:56:23

Thankyou ☺ definitely helps. This site always does smile
It's definitely inspiring reading.
I suppose I'm always counting my pennies but I should look into free places to visit. We have recently started walking much to my dc's horror. I suppose it's adult company I miss. Someone to make me a cup of tea smile and ask how my day was.
My dc's argue non stop. It can be exhausting mentally some days. So with no one to take that pressure off, I find difficult.

welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 10:00:40

I run but limited in when I can but try to a couple of times a week.
I was actually looking into a gym about 20 mins away. Lots of classes and swimming. Thinking can I afford it ( fuel aswell). Thinking if I stopped buy my wine maybe I could. Again it's childcare. My dc's go to clubs but by the time I drive there etc. Maybe I should just join and hope for the best. I wonder if I'd meet people there?!

RedTitsMcGinty Fri 27-Jan-17 10:04:18

I'm a happy single parent. I'm 'lucky' in that exH has our daughter regularly (as well he might!) so I do get time off from parenting.

I love my job and enjoy focusing my time on that. DD and I have a peaceful, content life (except at bedtimes when it's much less peaceful). I started dating about six months ago, met people from OK Cupid. I see them occasionally but am happy in my own company and can't ever see myself wanting to live with someone again. I know what you mean about wanting someone to just make you a cup of tea, though. The first time I stayed over with a date I was thrilled by the fact that he made me a cup of coffee and brought it to me in bed. Clearly I need to work on raising my expectations grin

welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 10:08:41

Ah red that's funny. I would be the same.
I am not so lucky as their dad doesn't have much contact. Every other sunday for a few hours. He has absolutely no parenting input. Even on that Sunday he takes them to his mum's and sits watching football whilst his mum cooks lunch. It's quite sad really.

neweymcnewname Fri 27-Jan-17 10:14:47

The gym sounds like it may be good, might they do a trial membership (free or cheaper for a period, to lure u in?), so you could see how it worked for you? And are there any things to kids there,that you could drop them off for then go do your thing (if it's not too expensive..).
I remember the feeling of being the only adult, doing all the cooking, washing etc, and trying to break up fights, that can be hard (and a bit lonely). I did a reward scheme for a while, to encourage the things I wanted them to do and discourage squabbling (and whining!). kids were about 6 and 11, and I let them help work out rewards, and exchange rates (they earned coloured matches, a diff colour per child to avoid disputes on that!). They wanted quite small things (a smoothie was one example), so it doesn't have to be big rewards, but it definitely helped steer them towards behaving better (we didn't do it for long, but the effect remained when we stopped).
Also, they'll grow older, and need far less of your attention, so things will slowly get easier that way :-)

welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 10:21:38

Thankyou new smile they were very young when I seperated so although difficult it is getting easier. 9 and 11 now.
I think I will pop that on my to do list today. Phone and ask. I really hope so now.
I have tried charts etc always a disaster. It's all a bit chaotic here actually. Bed times, meal times. One won't sleep and one is a fussy eater. I need some order I think. It's just tough alone isn't it?

demonchilde Fri 27-Jan-17 17:59:45

Hi Welsh smile- the more you post the more similarities I'm seeing in our lives (although if I tried to run, I'd probably give myself a hernia grin).

I've been a single mum now for a few years - 2 older DC's who have left home, the other 4 still with me (ages 18, 13, 11 and 9). My middle 2 DS's bicker as well, and it's hard work trying to referee all the time. Youngest DS is a terrible sleeper, that too is hard work, especially when there is only you to deal with it. I'm finding it's less physical work as they get older, but it's harder emotionally. I've also become more aware of them growing away from me too, which also makes me take a look at my life and reassess it.

I'm also a student (nurse), but haven't really clicked with anyone enough to socialise with them beyond Uni. I have a tendency to hide myself away a bit socially, and don't realise it makes me miserable until I do meet up with a friend/s and realise I feel much better and more positive afterwards.

I've recently joined meetup.com and met a few lovely people, been for some meals/ pub quizzes. Sometimes I've had to drag myself along as I'd rather get an early night, but I'm always pleased in the end that I did go.

Until last year, I'd have told you I would stay happily single forever, now I'm not so sure - the idea of being completely alone when the kids have gone can worry be at times. That said, the thought of dating/ having to trust someone again isn't that appealing either!

What I have found helps the last couple of years is making sure I always have something to really look forward to every few months, be it a holiday, trip away etc.

I think the gym sounds like a great idea- the exercise will relieve stress/ your mood and give you some time just for you, plus you're likely to meet others there with a similar interest.

I wish I did have the secret of how to be completely happy as a single parent to share with you OP, in the meantime I hope it helps to know that you're certainly not alone.

jeaux90 Fri 27-Jan-17 18:15:23

Another very happy single parent here. I think the trick is definitely carving out time for you and your own identity. I swim a lot too which helps with the stress and pressure and keeps my hips and bum in check grin

welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 18:33:06

Wow good for you. I struggle with 2. It's hard going!
Student nurse too smile
My fortieth approaches (typo ☝) so started running a year ago to try and up my fitness and give me time to free my mind which it definitely does.
Rang the gym today and it's fairly cheap for students.
Thankyou, it really does help knowing it's not just me. Its nice to hear from others when you're feeling a bit lonely.
I'm hoping to swim also if I join this gym. I need to get focused as all I want to do on an evening is veg with a glass of 🍷
Please please don't take this the wrong way but I am embarrassed to join meetup. Not really sure what it is. I don't want to bump into people I know. I'm embarrassed I'm lonely. I don't want to offend anyone by saying that because I'm the first to feel upset knowing someone is lonely.

welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 18:38:03

Ps demonchilde, just re read your post....our lives are pretty similar, true. I hide away socially too and feel 10 times better if I have interacted just don't get the opportunity to unfortunately. Also noticing mine not need me as much and it makes think more about the future but like you a little concerned about putting my heart on the line. It's nice you can have trips away 😊

queenvomit Fri 27-Jan-17 18:41:12

I am a very very happy single mum and have been since the very day I heard my wonderful DS's little heart for the first time.

BitchQueen90 Fri 27-Jan-17 19:05:19

Hello, I'm a happy single mum with absolutely no desire for a new partner. Sacrificed my own career for years for my exH and now I'm happily carving out my own identity. I run my house the way I like, work part time, spend money on whatever I want and bring up DS how I want. ExH has contact roughly 1 night a week depending on his work.

I do have a FWB which isn't for everyone but I don't want a proper relationship. I've been there, done that for most of my life and now is my time. I'm used to my own company as I'm an only child so it's not something I really miss in the evenings.

Do things that you enjoy. I go to the gym, do volunteer work, plan travel with DS. I have been single for nearly three years, the longest ever for me and honestly have never been happier. I hear people talk about their partner making them feel complete - I feel exactly the opposite. I feel like I have an identity now whereas with my exH I was just his wife. (SAHM, followed his career.) 🙂

welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 19:20:43

That's great, you're happy.
I do think sometimes....Is life really that bad alone. I miss the adult company and I can't remember what it feels like to have that closeness. I'm not sure I could separate that having a Fwb. I suppose it works for some though smile

demonchilde Fri 27-Jan-17 21:20:11

Hi again welsh - yes, 6 DC's hasn't been easy, but TBH, having all 4 of them in a group can be easier than having just the 2 that bicker, plus I now have a babysitter in My eldest DD to go out now and then, and before that my eldest DS's. But as a PP said, it does get easier in some ways as they get older and can be left alone/ start to go out more themselves/ stay at friends and so on, and you'll get a lot more freedom then.

And argh- the big 40 approach.. I remember I dreaded that but TBH, as cliched as it sounds I'm actually now (43) much preferring being this age than being younger in many ways, I feel like I know and accept myself a lot more now, flaws and all, which is a nice feeling. I reckon the runnings a good shout though, as I swear 40 must be the cut off age for getting away with not looking after yourself 😡.

Re: Meetup - yeah, I do know what you mean, I felt a bit like that too. But then I reasoned that it's not long ago that people saw internet dating ( or the dreaded single ads) as a last resort whereas now there's no stigma attached to it at all really. To me and the others I have met, it's just a case of convenience more than anything else- you get to pick and choose what you do, where you go and when, which is hard to do beyond your 20's or so with your own social group, as everyone tends to be at different stages of their life, plus people are so busy these days and move around more and so on. I know what you mean when you say you feel embarrassed to be lonely, but you've no need to be as it's a human need to seek out company, we're social creatures after all and our survival depended on being with others. Plus it's to be expected that you're likely to want adult company at times - we all do.

marzipanmaggie Fri 27-Jan-17 21:48:14

Hi welsh I am a happy single parent. It might be an exaggeration to say I'm the happiest I've ever been but I'm far far happier than I was in my marriage, am totally comfortable in my own skin for probably the first time in my life, have self esteem and know exactly what I do and don't want. My relationship with my daughter is great, I am not rolling in money but I have enough for us to live reasonably comfortably and have some fun and I have dear friends who care about me.

If that sounds smug, its not meant to be but I do feel a certain sense of self-satisfaction at having faced probably the scariest thing in my life and done it and come out the other side. A genuinely happy marriage is obviously the optimum and if I stumbled upon someone who was totally right for me I would marry again. But I also know that if I never get into another serious relationship I am fine with that. And I feel a certain "f* you" pride at having figured out that actually its total rubbish that you are always better off in a relationship.

It sounds as if you are feeling a bit isolated at the moment and we all go through that -- I certainly do. I would hazard a guess that a small town may be a harder place to be a single mum than a big city. But I can't believe that its impossible to make new friends. You can make them at any point in life. And the people who appear to be in cliques may be miserable and trapped in them but just not showing it. But it is tough if you don't have childcare. Is that likely to change at all?

jeaux90 Fri 27-Jan-17 22:08:56

I had an Fwb for a while it was lovely but I also found it hard to separate it out. Running and swimming are great for feeling free for a while. I also went through the loneliness phase but came out the other side. I can honestly say that I am now three years without ever feeling lonely. In a way I think it's a process you need to go through to truly be ok in your own company.

I am now seeing someone and I think the fact I am so happy on my own has really enabled me to take things really slow with him which has been great.

feelingdizzy Fri 27-Jan-17 22:15:32

I'm a very happy single parent and have been for 13 years,I have 2 great teenagers who are kind and funny and thoughtful.I have a great job that Im proud to do.Honestly I am really proud of my kids and I we have come a long way from a really rocky start.smile

TheaSaxby Fri 27-Jan-17 22:18:02

Hi I'm definitely happier than I was with ex. I used to dread the weekends - total monotony and more work than the working week. That's changed now. Weekends are on my terms and if they are rubbish that's down to me. I can relax without pressure of planning meals, shopping, activities, etc. Phew.

But I also struggle with childcare. I've been out after 7pm precisely twice in past two years. I find that hard. I'd love to pop to the gym or see friends. Maybe when dc gets older I'll be able to persuade someone to babysit.

Another plus is the closeness with dc. It's just us, we giggle a lot and it's a very love filled home.

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