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Do you need to be adored?

(59 Posts)
Temp Sun 25-Feb-07 17:50:27

I think I do.

I asked DH earlier if I was the centre of his universe (I just wanted to know the answer!!) and he said "Is this a test?" and look at me as if I was nuts. I wanted him to say "Of course you are..." (at the very least! ). He did say that actually, but the long wait with me standing there looking at him was more insulting than if he hadn't said it at all!

We have been married 10 years, through a few ups and downs but don't think our relationship is in too bad nick.. just that I want him to adore me.. is that unrealistic?

He says he loves me.. but I usually 'have' to tell him first. However I can't help but notice that I get the most attention when he is hoping for sex.. not that I make him go without or anything; on the contrary. He pretty much has it on tap. (Because I want to not because I feel I have to.) I wish he was more demonstrative; more touchy feely.. more inclined to hug me for no particular reason and a bit more given to making me feel important.

I suppose this should be in "am I being unreasonable" should it!

Anybody else?

kama Sun 25-Feb-07 17:51:30

Message withdrawn

Greensleeves Sun 25-Feb-07 17:53:22


expatinscotland Sun 25-Feb-07 17:53:57

No. I wouldn't want to be the centre of anyone's universe - that would put a lot of responsibility on me.

I'm not young anymore, and part of what I've learned is that I'd rather have the gold than the glitter.

So he doesn't say he loves me all the time? I'd rather have him show it.

Some men tend to express their feelings and emotions through sex.

I don't mind if they show me they love me in other ways.

I've had men who were all lovey-dovey types or talky types, and tbh, they put me off because they drove me insane w/all their non-stop analysing and the 'romantic' ones all turned out to be lying, cheating scumbags.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands Sun 25-Feb-07 17:54:13

Yes I would like to be to. Don't feel it either.

So what if you need to be, but you're not?

hunkerdave Sun 25-Feb-07 17:54:23

Is he the centre of yours?

expatinscotland Sun 25-Feb-07 17:54:36

Different strokes for different folks.

Have you told him how you feel?

Maybe show him this thread if you're not feeling brave.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands Sun 25-Feb-07 17:54:52

Those are good points Expat.

motherinferior Sun 25-Feb-07 17:55:35

I want and need to be loved, but adoration is a bit of a strain.

expatinscotland Sun 25-Feb-07 17:55:36

Everyone has different needs.

But it's true that if you're not getting what you need, it's time to talk to your partner about that and go from there.

paulaplumpbottom Sun 25-Feb-07 17:56:13

I'm lucky, My DH makes me feel spoiled and adored. I think I need that. Not all the time but most of the time.

temp Sun 25-Feb-07 17:57:39

Yes Hunker, he is. Have sometimes wondered if this is part of the problem. Have a full life, with lots of other things going on but he is very very important to me. And he knows it.

expatinscotland Sun 25-Feb-07 18:01:13

Have you two talked about this?

Because it's entirely possible he believes he is showing you enough love and affection.

DimpledThighs Sun 25-Feb-07 18:01:23

No - it's not my thing, if I as the centre of someone else's universe I would feel too I don't know - responsible for what they do and the choices they make.

But as someone else said different people need different things - talk to your dp if he doesn't give you what you need.

kittylette Sun 25-Feb-07 18:01:43

im lucky because i do feel adored,

so i guess if it stopped i would be very miffed!

i hope it doesnt though, as its lovely to feel so wanted

motherinferior Sun 25-Feb-07 18:03:56

I do think I have learned the hard way that the person at the centre of your universe has to be you. I don't mean that you should be self-centred, IYSWIM, but I think that there has (for me, at any rate) to be a core of me at the centre, not anyone else.

DizzyBint Sun 25-Feb-07 18:07:19

i think it's slightly dangerous to think of someone as the centre of your universe. what happens when things go pear shaped? what happens if he does something bad to you? will you find yourself excusing it?

kama Sun 25-Feb-07 18:10:55

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Greensleeves Sun 25-Feb-07 18:12:24

The question was "Do you need to be adored", not "Do you need a bloke to say it every five minutes, behave like an insincere romantic fool but not actually love you very much at all". I think your answers are a bit irrelevant expat.

expatinscotland Sun 25-Feb-07 18:12:25

Well, yes, kama, but that's miles different from being 'adored' and the centre of someone's universe.

expatinscotland Sun 25-Feb-07 18:13:40

It's a matter of opinion, Greeny.

I often disagree with yours, but I don't feel compelled to slag you off on every thread for that, you know?

kama Sun 25-Feb-07 18:13:50

Message withdrawn

lou33 Sun 25-Feb-07 18:14:37

i want to feel loved and important and appreciated, but i don't expect to be the centre of anyones universe

my current bf ticks all these boxes

yesterday was tough for me for various reasons

he brought me a glass of wine when i was having a bath, kept my kids at bay for a while so i could relax, and held me tightly when i was crying myself to sleep in bed

when i woke in the morning he was still holding me , despite me sleeping all night on his sore arm from a new tattoo

expatinscotland Sun 25-Feb-07 18:14:59

Exactly, kama, which is why it's important to communicate with your partner.

Temp, does your partner know you don't feel you're getting what you need?

northerner Sun 25-Feb-07 18:16:05

Depends what you mean by adored. If you mean my dh is to be all gooey eyed over me constantly and hang on every word I say and always agree with me and do anything I ask just to make me happy then no.

But I do want to feel important, loved and respected.

However, I'd say kids should be the centre of your universe no? That goes for Mums and Dads.

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