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In laws and husband

(7 Posts)
Babycake786 Fri 27-Jan-17 03:00:30

Sorry i am
Adding to this convo so late but maybe you guys will understand.

I just wanted some advice as i feel like this topic is costing me my mental and pysical health and the well being of my kids as latley i am always miserable.

Long story short, i live in london with my husband who is british bangladeshi
And my 3 kids.

I am british indian and converted to islam but dont really practice it anymore. I know islam is an amazing religion and says every woman needs to have their own house to prevent trouble with inlaws and my hubby knows this as he told

My hubby has 5 other siblings living in other parts of the uk too.
His parents mainly live in bangladesh but every now and the come and stay a week each time at the 6 siblings houses.

We finally managed to afford a 3bedroom house a few years ago but now he is saying we need to buy a bigger 4 bedroom house incase his parents come to stay now and then. At the moment Me& hubby usually end up on sofas but i dont mind as super comfy.

I think its ridiculous to buy a new house for the sake of them staying for a short holiday now and then. If it was full time Then i would totally understand but its not.

I dont see any of his siblings buying a new house and they all also have 3 kids each!

I dont dislike them but its not easy as they never eat when i cook, leave me out of stuff and are very old fashioned in comparison to me and my kids.
All their other DIL are bangladeshi like them too.

Am i being ott?
Like why are we the ones having to go through this?
If they need to stay wouldnt it be fairer if all of the siblings shared the load?
Please help as this is probably gonna make or break the rest of our relationship as he has never mentioned this before and i cant deal with the stress of moving yet again! X

sofato5miles Fri 27-Jan-17 03:11:58

There are lots of cultural overtones that i won't even pretend to understanf. Could he want a bedroom so they can stay longer permanently?

If that is driver for upsizing i would say bo too.

SingingInTheRainstorm Fri 27-Jan-17 03:12:53

I think your DH is most likely thinking it'd be nice to have a spare room for his parents, plus a man cave for when they're not there if the visits are so sporadic.
Ask him is it worth getting a mortgage of 'X' & having to pay 'Y' a month for the odd visit once in a blue moon.
I think it's more than moving, do you fear them judging you for not being like SIL with your health issues?

Babycake786 Sun 29-Jan-17 23:26:40

Thank u

Yes i have that fear of permenancy so you are probably right.

Sorry i may have given the wrong impression.

In laws dont even know about my health nither does DH -they just think these things happen.
What i mean is whenever i have mentioned my pains etc to the doctor and physio they say its stress related coz i have tention built up.
I had so many knots on my neck and back since getting married!

My SILs are all really nice and amazing cooks so just embarrassing for me when MIL&FIL dont eat my cookingsad

Also my FIL use to charge us rent so i have always hated him for that as he never charged his other kids as i know this as a fact.
My DH cant see it but i think his dad just uses him coz DH is a softy so i feel why should we be the ones who have to spend extra for him.

My DH also great person so i dont want to come in the middle of his parents and me but lately this is all making me miserable thinking about it.

crunched Sun 29-Jan-17 23:42:45

Is your DH the oldest son?
Maybe he wants to impress his parents by having a larger house than his siblings?

You obviously love your husband and it would be very sad if your, not very nice sounding, in-laws drive a wedge between you. And if they don't eat your cooking, make DH prepare the meals when they stay next time!

Catinthecorner Sun 29-Jan-17 23:44:52

Can you work out the difference in mortgage payments and compare to hotel rooms locally. As in, normally they might stay 7 nights which would cost say £350 at local hotel plus £50 fuel/bus fare/general extra travel. Bigger house would cost an extra £100 per month plus hidden costs - more on utilities, more cleaning etc. Much more sensible to allocate £500 a year to his family visiting (£100 to buy food in).

BonnyScotland Mon 30-Jan-17 12:56:44

he wants to move them in... simple as ...

say NO

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