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How to recover after emotional affair with no contact...

(5 Posts)
SnoogyWoo Thu 26-Jan-17 22:53:34

Looking for some help and guidance in how to get over this.
I am a single man in my early forties and up until a week ago I have been chatting to a married woman in her late thirties with two children over a ten week period. Its the typical story of meeting online over a common interest, but the moment I first looked at her picture I was intrigued like it was calling out at me. We started messaging and we clearly got on from day one and it rapidly progressed.

We live a long distance apart so never met, she is in Cornwall and me in the North of England but we both grew up in the vicinity of each other. Like the script says we completely fell for each other. Messaging all day into the early hours, sharing everything, small amount of sexting but no intimate pictures. She is very unhappy in her marriage and talked about it often but also felt very guilty chatting to me. Her husband is controlling and does nothing in the house to help or with his daughters. We talked about everything, big or small, even about being together in the future. She included me in Christmas, a Birthday and really gave me a lot of trust.

About 10 days before we had to cut contact, her husband was noticing her continuous phone use. She started to text me in more devious ways to hide it, like from her car, toilet etc. Then he got hold of her phone and found some messages but not everything as she deleted each day. On the final day we had a 30 minute phone call which was the first time we properly spoke and it was an amazing phone call with lots of joy, laughter and spark. About 4 hours after the call I received a text from her husband telling me to never message again followed by a message from her saying sorry I can’t message again.

I realise that she was married and it was wrong but I really fell for her and I believe she did for me. Yes, a lot of it was fantasy of course but it was also real. I have chatted to quite a few people recently on dating sites but never had a spark like this.

I realise she has gone but how do you get over this? Is it just time? I am usually very rational, positive and happy go lucky but at the moment I just feel bereft, very sad and can’t focus. I also feel guilty for abandoning her which I know is not right. I have her work email, is it ok after a period of time to see if she is ok? I am worried about her, things where bad when we started they must be bad now. She also helped me through some things recently which has come good and I would love to tell her, its wrong to do that as well isn’t it?

To have so much contact and then to zero contact is just something I have never experienced before especially when it ended on a high. Anyway if you have read all this you deserve a medal smile hope it doesn’t come across as selfish of me wanting to understand all this. Just typing this has helped me, thanks.

tropicalfish Thu 26-Jan-17 23:15:36

It will slowly start to get better day by day.
A relationship in real life would have been quite different as she has children.

PaterPower Fri 27-Jan-17 00:24:08

No, don't email her at work. She'll have your email and she'll be in touch if she wants to be. Yes, it would be wrong to get back in touch.

noego Fri 27-Jan-17 13:09:23

RL is not like fantasy life. You filled a gap in someone's dreary life by creating a fantasy. Now the fantasy is over.

SnoogyWoo Fri 27-Jan-17 16:18:58

I know it just feels so real. If she had been single I would have gone to see her. Sad when you have a connection like that and it's over.

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