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Struggling with marriage

(1 Post)
latenightcakes Thu 26-Jan-17 22:31:07

I met my husband 15 years ago, been married 6 1/2 years with a 4yo DD. For many years I've felt like we are not really compatible and not in love as husband and wife more brother and sister.

He is 15 years my senior. I had an affair many years ago, before we were married, this continued until a couple of years ago. We would meet maybe just twice a year, when we finally stopped contacting each other. I hoped this would mean I could be happy in my marriage, but I still fantasise about either single life or seeing him again.

Husband is a great dad, caring husband, but I've never felt his equal. Long standing MH problems have limited my ability to hold a decent career, I've never earned much above the minimum wage. Our SL is poor, like an elephant in the room, that we rarely discuss except maybe every 6 months when I raise the issue and we both agree to try and make an effort, nothing improves.

He is a drinker, not aggressive in any way, just quietly sitting in the chair of an evening drinking a bottle of wine or working his way through a few vodka and oranges. Often 5 out of 7 nights. I worry about this habit, especially when I smell it on him the next day. He doesn't share his feelings and I find myself closing up too.

Generally I get on with being a mum and tell myself things aren't too bad, but when I'm not at home and with my own thoughts I know I'm not happy. I try to push thoughts of the OM away as it cuts me up inside, a lost love and a heap of guilt.

I'm too frightened to consider leaving, hurting both my husband and daughter plus the lack of my own money and family disapproval.

Should I just try harder to be a better wife, force these issues for discussion or seriously consider separating?

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