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single mum feeling sorry for herself 😔

(21 Posts)
welshcakesareyummy Thu 26-Jan-17 19:22:00

It's exhausting some days....
work/study/kids/housework etc...a bit like groundhog day!
I'm sure I drink too much to chill out.
It's like all I have for company.
Is this normal?
How many of you enjoy (rely) on wine most evenings?

likeaZombie Thu 26-Jan-17 19:31:17

I'm a single mum. I drink about 2 bottles of wine a week and sometimes worry about it..
It's tiring and lonely sometimes. I like to have people over at lest once a week but sometimes can't be bothered or my house is too messy to let people in grin Dishing out invitations motivates me to go the extra mile on the housework though, and then I can relax with a friend and a bottle of wine...

Steamgirl Thu 26-Jan-17 19:36:03

I did for a while and then I realised the wine wasn't helping and was actually making me feel worse about things so ... I stopped. The daily grind is easier without a hangover. Now I only usually drink socially and as I'm always the designated driver (!) that's hardly at all. When I do drink I have to be careful I don't get really pissed and make an idiot of myself.

scoobydoo1971 Thu 26-Jan-17 19:36:34

As a fellow single mum, I understand it can be exhausting to fit everything in - especially as I have a lot of medical conditions which make me tired anyway. I gave up booze for Dry January as I wanted to prove I could do without a drink, and I do feel better. I have pledged to only drink socially in the pub/ restaurant from now on and not get back into the habit of having a glass at home. I have supplemented alcohol with fruit juice mixed with soda. Like you, I work (run my own business), have the kids full-time, care for elderly relatives, try to study...and have dogs and cats. I need more hours in the day. To be honest, the 4 legged friends are the best company ever and make sure I get exercise with walks. Dogs are a good way to meet new people as I have made some acquaintances, and collected a few male admirers (no one I fancy sadly), from going to the park or the beach.

welshcakesareyummy Thu 26-Jan-17 19:36:51

I wish it was just 2. I drink 3. Could quite easily drink tonight. Been talking myself out of going to buy a bottle for the last 2 hours. Just want to go to bed to stop the boredom 😕 that's not normal is it?
Hmm I don't really have many friends not ones to I invite over anyway.

welshcakesareyummy Thu 26-Jan-17 19:40:04

Wow! How did you both give it up? The thought makes me anxious. I have nothing else. It helps me relax, forget I'm lonely and it's my company. I know that sounds weird.
What do you do in the evening?

georgethecat Thu 26-Jan-17 19:45:06

Single mum here.
I started a course (completely different from job)
It's one that is quite informal & relaxed & I can complete from home - changed my life!
I also invite people round
But yes it is exhausting & I do have days I want to cry.......but they pass x

likeaZombie Thu 26-Jan-17 19:48:01

You need to find something else to do, something that inspires you or passes the time in a relaxing way instead of giving you something to beat yourself up about.
I taught myself to crochet, I'm not very skilled mostly do simple rows or squares but eventually you have a little baby blanket, it's nice having something to show for your time and it's relaxing.
Is there a project you would like to start or a book you want to read?
Are you recently single if you don't mind me asking?

Steamgirl Thu 26-Jan-17 19:58:31

It wasn't hard, and I'm not tee-total and still have the old glass but rarely finish a bottle before it goes rancid. I just feel so much better without. I'm busy - do all sorts there's housework of course and lurking on mumsnet there's reading and studying random stuff, lots of diy/craft projects. Occasional long bath. I rarely watch tv cause there just isn't time.

welshcakesareyummy Thu 26-Jan-17 19:58:38

I went back to school to make changes for the better for me and my Dc's. I think you think right concentrate on the life changes divorce brings and everything will fit into place. Its been 6 yeats. I suppose they have fitted into place. Just get lonely. OLD is exhausted emotionally and mentally.
If it was recent, I'd understand why I felt this way but 6 years on?

georgethecat Thu 26-Jan-17 20:05:16

I think the loneliness just hits you once in a while.
Especially this time of year - the winter can be quite isolating as everyone hibernates

welshcakesareyummy Thu 26-Jan-17 20:06:34

True georgethecat smile

StripeyCover Thu 26-Jan-17 22:06:03

Are you spiritually minded, Welshcakes? Its hard to find time and energy for this as a single mother, but if you are that way inclined its worth looking into

gamerchick Thu 26-Jan-17 22:14:40

See the problem with drink (and I understand) is that it means you're always tired. You underestimate how tired it's making you because it's your normal. Coming off it does up your energy levels and help you feel generally more upbeat about life slightly. You sleep better and feel more alert in the morning when you've been off it for a bit.

Very hard to change that normal though when it's a crutch.

welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 07:38:28

StripeyCover I am reading alot around mindfulness. Is that kinda the same thing. Not religious or anything.
I really think I should try to stop drinking wine for a little while but it's like that all I have. Today - it's Friday. Last day in work. Girls go swimming and I usually run then come home have a very long bubble bath with a glass of wine. It's like that is what I'm excited about. Take that away I will eat the contents of my fridge and I'm trying to lose weight. I have no company all weekend so I will go out for the day Saturday and come home to?? We usually watch the tv and I usually have a glass of wine or 3.

throwingpebbles Fri 27-Jan-17 07:43:54

Get your self some nice indulgent soft drinks? I pour a glass of schloer or similar into a wine glass so it feels like a bit of adult time without the alcohol effects!

welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 07:55:44

I could try that, thankyou 😊
The effects kinda dull the loneliness 😞 it's like I think less when the alcohol kicks in!

StripeyCover Fri 27-Jan-17 11:12:33

To me mindfulness and spirituality are different things, but thats a whole other discussion! Religion and spirituality are not for everyone, but for me it helps ...

I think alcohol can be a relaxant. And if you are enjoying one drink or two at a particularly stressful time in your life, I don't think you should beat yourself up. That just adds to the anxiety! Its really very hard being a single parent sometimes. But I think there are good suggestions on here for limiting it so doesn't impact on your health at the moment.

But though alcohol can be relaxing, my view is that it can be a substitute. A substitute for social interaction, a sense of meaning, and/or spiritual life. Trying to get a more balanced life might help you with this? But I totally get its not easy as a single parent and its not where you're at this minute. But with small steps maybe you can get a bit closer in this ...

Ariandenotgrande Fri 27-Jan-17 14:59:51

Hi Welsh, I spent a lot of time when DD was younger studying, working and
spending time, seemingly endless evenings alone. Groundhog Day is all too familiar. I started to go to a local church on Sunday morning which I found broke up the weekend and ended up making friends there and dd went to Sunday school, I'm not particularly religious btw. I still have those friends 10 years on.
Also started doing yoga on YouTube channel daily as a routine after dd went to sleep. Point being you can't do yoga if your pissed. I used to promise myself a drink after I'd finished the yoga but I rarely ever felt like I needed it.
Don't beat yourself up about boozing, it's just finding something else to do that makes you feel better. booze just made me tired and feel a bit crap !

welshcakesareyummy Fri 27-Jan-17 15:17:57

Thankyou ☺
I think it all feels too much at the moment.
I have lots going on with my parents too. It's all so emotionally draining so probably my mood isn't helping with the alcohol and vice versa.

jeaux90 Fri 27-Jan-17 18:23:07

Single mum here too. I know it's hard. Honestly please try and ditch the booze for a while, try and save it for those nights out that I hope you get occasionally.

Don't underrate the power of exercise for making you feel more positive and energised. I swim quite a lot and it really helps.

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