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Husband wants a 'break'

(9 Posts)
Jenjane1 Thu 26-Jan-17 18:57:37

I'm new to this but I just need some advise and maybe just somewhere to vent....
My husband and I have been together 7 years and our 4 year wedding anniversary is next week and on Friday he told me that he wants a break and some time to clear his head. This came as a complete shock to me as I thought we had been getting on completely fine. It hasnt always been plain sailing, we have had 2 occasions similar to this where he has said he doesn't know what he wants. The same time every year actually!! But this past year we haven't had any arguments and I thought we had gotten past any of his previous issues.

He has basically said it boils down to the fact that we don't have a 'foundation'. I fell pregnant our first daughter 3 months into our relationship. I wasn't a very nice person when I was pregnant I couldnt bare him near me. But we got through that after my hormones settled and we were happy together. I am his first proper sexual relationship aswell. We got married and everything was perfect. I got extremely broody and we had our 2nd 2 years ago. Something that I know I pushed more than I should have. I know now that we should have put the time and care into our marriage and not added more pressure. My pregnancy was awful he was horrible to me and acted resentful towards me. He was getting a bit too close to a female PT down the gym which caused a lot of upset. I then suffered with PND after having DS2. It was all a tough time on the both of us, he's been in and out of jobs unhappy with himself and where his life was going.
Last year we had a brief separation and both ended up back together agreeing on some changes.

I've been as supportive as any wife could be,he's quite a self centred person very In to his own image, down the gym every night and is pretty tunnel visioned but I have accepted these things -noone is perfect. Our son is a very tricky 2 year old, extremely clingy and screams the night away and has done for 2 years.
Anyway I'm rambling. As it stands he's explained to me that we have never had time for just the 2 of us and he's not unsure whether we r together for the children or for us. There's something he feels that isn't right. He says we have lost a sexual connection and doesn't know how to get it back. He says he loves me, fancies me but just doesn't know where to go from here. He's currently in training for the police so staying away and isn't back until next weekend. I don't know how to play this. I have respected he needs space and I'm am trying so hard to focus on me and the kids. I am willing to to whatever it takes but when I asked him if he wants to sleep with other woman he said he didn't want to sleep with loads of people he just wants that connection.
I just feel so anxious not knowing what he really wants and I don't really think he kows himself.
Anyone had a similar situation?

keepingonrunning Fri 27-Jan-17 01:06:00

Hi OP, it seems to me your DH has emotionally checked out of your relationship. He's been making excuses (not enough time together, lost your emotional connection, staying for the sake of the children) and trying to put distance between you saying he wants a break.
He says he loves me, fancies me but just doesn't know where to go from here This sounds like you are now his back-up plan and he doesn't have the guts to end your marriage so he's waiting till you work out he would rather be with someone else and inviting you to do it instead. I think he probably already has, or is looking for, an OW. I'm very sorry flowers

keepingonrunning Fri 27-Jan-17 01:07:05

I hope I am wrong.

missnevermind Fri 27-Jan-17 01:15:16

I asked him if he wants to sleep with other woman he said he didn't want to sleep with loads of people he just wants that connection.

I'm sorry but it sounds as though he has already found that ' connection' and is now looking for excuses to break up with you whether or not he has already slept with the other person would be a different matter

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu Fri 27-Jan-17 07:14:29

He wants to shag other women. It's as simple as that. Do yourself a favour and make the break a permanent one.

keepingonrunning Fri 27-Jan-17 19:25:41

MN replies can be very direct.
Let's remember someone's world and her two LOs' is falling apart here.

Trifleorbust Fri 27-Jan-17 19:36:32

Isn't this the same issue as you posted about a couple of days ago? Everyone told you then what a total and absolute bellend he was confused

Trifleorbust Fri 27-Jan-17 19:36:59

And there is an OW.

MrsDustyBusty Fri 27-Jan-17 19:38:41

I'd leave him off, he's certainly contemplating an affair if it hasn't started yet.

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