How do I tell DP not to show off tomorow?

[whitebear]

Tomorow I am to attend a family funeral , as my DP met this man once or twice he has decided that he should go too I wasn't overly chuffed as I know what he's like for showing off and faffing etc.

Anyway I didn't think it would go down well to ask him not to go so he arranged he would come here and pick me up at 10am...the family are meeting at 10am , I told him this was no good and if he's going to faff about I'll just get a lift with family to ensure that I'm not late...he's now changed his plans to come and stay here tonight so we're ready to go first thing.

Anyway I still have the worries about his showing off when we get there, he tends to be quite loud, he lacks confidence and over-compensates by making jokes and trying to make conversation with people. My family have only met him a couple of times and emotions will be running high tomorow and I'm frightened he will put his foot in it with someone and end up getting punched!

How do I tell him to just stay quiet throughout the service and 'get-together' in the pub afterwards without sounding like a bitch?

[lazyemma]

it's a funeral - unless he's a complete social retard, he'll know that it's not an occasion for making jokes and being loud.

[Ulysees]

Maybe you could sort of talk about someone else who is like this and how you hope they're going to be respectful and behave?
Or, tell a story of say a mumnetters dh or something going on like this and how shocking it was? Just make it subtle.

I tend to do this to get my point over without hurting them.

[DizzyBint]

do you actually like this guy? sounds like you don't really enjoy his company. have you been with him long?

[hunkerdave]

He sounds like a prize plum.

[whitebear]

I do like him, we've been together about a year and to be honest things are far from perfect but I'm not thinking about that right now, I just want to get through this funeral which is going to be hugely upsetting for everyone there, a very untimely death .

DP is just very embarrasing in public, we've been to 2 family occasions and he's shown me up at both, he's just so over the top, thinks he has great social skills when really he just gets on peoples nerves.

I just really wish he wasnt going, especially as my grandad has been telling me to "get shot" of him for quite a while now, this will be the first time he actually meets him and as he's going to be upset to start with it won't take much for him to give DP a mouthful.

[Saturn74]

I'd ring him and tell him you've changed your mind about him attending, TBH.
Tell him that you need to support your family, and that it will be easier for you to go alone.
A family funeral is going to be difficult enough for you, without worrying whether this man is going to act inappropriately.

[Ulysees]

I think he needs telling. Be forthright with him about his behaviour. Maybe not now but at some point. Sounds like he needs to grow up.

[whitebear]

To make matters worse my mum asked me on the phone this morning to have a word with him before tomorow so the rest of the family must've noticed.

[hunkerdave]

If you're having doubts about your relationsip, tell him you don't want him there.

And have a hug - poor you, having this added worry when you're grieving

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

whitebear

If you are worrying about how this immature manchild will now behave at a family funeral then the writing's on the wall really.

Would suggest you attend the funeral on your own and certainly not with your partner in attendance.

You need to consider whether this man is actually worth all this worry he has given you over the past year.

You also need to ask yourself in the longer term why you have not got shot of him before now and what factors have held you back from doing this.

[clairejo]

Clairejo's DP here, funerals are a special time to say good bye those who have left us, when my gran died clairejo declined to come as we had not been together long but my ex wife decided to come along, I decided not to evict her from the ceremony as I thought it was in bad taste to do so, but I wish I had, I now hate the fact I didn't put my foot down and make sure she never turned up as whenever I think about saying goodbye to my Gran I see her smug face across the pews almost gloating about the affair she had got away with. I would ask him not to go, I know if I were asked not to go I would respect the persons wishes and never bring it up again especially as it is such a sensitive time, thats just my opinion but I would concentrate on the family right now, if he is worth his salt he will understand.

[Ulysees]

How you doing whitebear?

[hunkerdave]

I thought of you too today, Whitebear - hope it went as well as these things go

[Saturn74]

Me too.
I hope today was bearable for you.